4 ms·

This doesn't square with my experience as someone who lives in Japan. I know quite a few young, single mothers who are unbelievably self-sufficient. I also know

by nihonde 10y ago

This doesn't square with my experience as someone who lives in Japan. I know quite a few young, single mothers who are unbelievably self-sufficient. I also know a lot of people who are the breadwinners and caretakers of their aging parents. This whole notion of hikikomori is novel and feeds into the image of Japan as dystopia, but it's not a good basis for any sweeping statements about independence in Japan. A much more interesting point is the dynamic between the primacy of personal liberty and the group's long-term well being. The West can learn a lot about how to keep their society viable over millennia if they'd stop drawing half-baked conclusions like yours and experience the confounding and delicate balance of paradoxes that has developed over a long time here.

cushychicken 10y ago
I think a lot of people (myself included) boggle at a way to life that is so caught up in a "confounding and delicate balance of paradoxes".
- nihonde 10y ago
  Like a color or a taste, some things need to be experienced and fiercly resist explanation or codification. The urge to turn everything into a set of rules or a narrative can be a kind of sickness, or at least less productive than methodically testing what works and building on it over time without too much concern about some grand unifying theory. It's not easy but there is such a precious example of a society that does an OK job at it. Too many people leap at the negatives while ignoring what's working.
  - cushychicken 10y ago
    >The urge to turn everything into a set of rules or a narrative can be a kind of sickness I agree with this, and I think that's the root of many of the social malaises Japan has that the OP was getting at: lack of intellectual independence and hikikomori, for example. Many of the Japanese folks I've met through work are very attentive to protocols and rules, and supremely uncomfortable without well defined sets of rules. That's a kind of sickness, isn't it?
    - nihonde 10y ago
      It's a balancing act and requires constant adjustment. I was suggesting that you won't find some rule book for Japanese society -- it's all unwritten conventions that do change over time.
unabst 10y ago
Women are different. The moment they become mothers their role changes. It's more of a switch society flips for them. So single mothers are probably the most independent and competent of any demographic. Unfortunately high paying work is hard to come by with both ageism and sexism in the work place. My conclusions are not half-baked. They are baked into my being. I was raised by a single mother in Japan, then was fortunate to travel the world. She is also a professor in anthropology. "Delicate balance of paradoxes" is half baked. I would be more qualified than anyone to talk about cultural paradoxes because according to you I'm probably full of them. But being in Los Angeles now I can say with confidence there are no paradoxes between cultures or race. We are all just people. Paradoxes only happen between words, and words do not own us, except, for some people they do. But that is not a paradox. That is a mere hardship.
- nihonde 10y ago
  I encourage you to spend a lot of time in Japan and keep your mind and eyes open. You can't see what I'm talking about from LA, especially not through another person's eyes.
  - unabst 10y ago
    I encourage you to revisit what I wrote then. I was raised in Japan. I am Japanese. I'm not just a westerner making half-baked conclusions based on what I see outside looking in. I'm a westerner too, and that's what makes my answer even possible. If you had something substantial to say, I would love to respond, as I did with your single mother counter argument, but this open your mind business is pointless (and also condescending).

by nihonde 10y ago

cushychicken 10y ago

I think a lot of people (myself included) boggle at a way to life that is so caught up in a "confounding and delicate balance of paradoxes".

nihonde 10y ago
Like a color or a taste, some things need to be experienced and fiercly resist explanation or codification. The urge to turn everything into a set of rules or a narrative can be a kind of sickness, or at least less productive than methodically testing what works and building on it over time without too much concern about some grand unifying theory. It's not easy but there is such a precious example of a society that does an OK job at it. Too many people leap at the negatives while ignoring what's working.
- cushychicken 10y ago
  >The urge to turn everything into a set of rules or a narrative can be a kind of sickness I agree with this, and I think that's the root of many of the social malaises Japan has that the OP was getting at: lack of intellectual independence and hikikomori, for example. Many of the Japanese folks I've met through work are very attentive to protocols and rules, and supremely uncomfortable without well defined sets of rules. That's a kind of sickness, isn't it?
  - nihonde 10y ago
    It's a balancing act and requires constant adjustment. I was suggesting that you won't find some rule book for Japanese society -- it's all unwritten conventions that do change over time.

unabst 10y ago

Women are different. The moment they become mothers their role changes. It's more of a switch society flips for them. So single mothers are probably the most independent and competent of any demographic. Unfortunately high paying work is hard to come by with both ageism and sexism in the work place. My conclusions are not half-baked. They are baked into my being. I was raised by a single mother in Japan, then was fortunate to travel the world. She is also a professor in anthropology. "Delicate balance of paradoxes" is half baked. I would be more qualified than anyone to talk about cultural paradoxes because according to you I'm probably full of them. But being in Los Angeles now I can say with confidence there are no paradoxes between cultures or race. We are all just people. Paradoxes only happen between words, and words do not own us, except, for some people they do. But that is not a paradox. That is a mere hardship.

nihonde 10y ago
I encourage you to spend a lot of time in Japan and keep your mind and eyes open. You can't see what I'm talking about from LA, especially not through another person's eyes.
- unabst 10y ago
  I encourage you to revisit what I wrote then. I was raised in Japan. I am Japanese. I'm not just a westerner making half-baked conclusions based on what I see outside looking in. I'm a westerner too, and that's what makes my answer even possible. If you had something substantial to say, I would love to respond, as I did with your single mother counter argument, but this open your mind business is pointless (and also condescending).