5 ms·

When I got Depressed (capital D, though I was only 4 on a 10 point scale) the hardest part for me was accepting that I needed to take medication, that I couldn'

When I got Depressed (capital D, though I was only 4 on a 10 point scale) the hardest part for me was accepting that I needed to take medication, that I couldn't WILL myself better (not for want of trying I can tell you). Maybe some people can think themselves better, but if you are properly depressed, and your doctor is suggesting medication, it's not failing/losing/lessening to take the drugs to correct a chemical imbalance. And stay on them until you're supposed to come off (not when you begin to feel better), as the last thing you want is to ping-pong between highs & lows. Of course, fix the underlying issue (if there is one) when you can (i.e. see a psychologist and get proper instruction), but you want to get to a stable place first. This is just my comment, a sample size of 1, but if it helps anyone else reading through this, so much the better.

Swizec 10y ago
I don't know what I was on the scale, but at some point the only thing keeping me aluve was the fear of inflicting a traumatic experience on my 8 years younger sister. Making an 8 year old discover her dead brother would be just a shitty thing to do. The obly thing that finally helped, even after meds (I think) didn't do much, was a very solid "Fuck this, I don't want this anymore" and willing myself out of it by forcing myself to become a workoholic. It gave me interesting things to do and kept me distracted from the ultimate pointlessnes of it all. Eventually the pointlessnes became my greatest asset. If nothing matters, then you can do anything right? Why give a shit about how a thing turns out, just try. My psychiatrist at the time said that the meds gave me space to will myself out of it but who knows. I'm sure it went hand in hand. On the other hand, it's been 13-ish years and too much leisure time still gets me sliding back towards a pit of despair. I'm probably not cured at all, just coping, and I'm likely to have to continue coping forever. Like a former drug addict or alcoholic.
- Broken_Hippo 10y ago
  In a way, I think your doctor was correct. The meds change the way you see life - supposedly - even if you didn't actually feel better. My unprofessional opinion is that LSD and other hallucinogens function about the same way - gets you out of your mindset enough so that your perspective is different when you get back in.
  - Swizec 10y ago
    The meds[1] I had supposedly weren't made to change how you see life, but to numb your emotional response. You lose the ability to feel bad, but you also lose the ability to feel good. Debatable whether that's better or worse, really. Fundamentally, I did have the meds and I did get better. Without a control, I can't say whether I got better because of the drugs, in spite of the drugs, or they had no effect. Considering they're approved meds, I can assume that statistically they work better than a placebo and do have a measurable effect. Whether they had causative effect my specific case is anyone's guess. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_serotonin_reuptake_inhibitor https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_serotonin_reuptake_i...
    - ianvanness 10y ago
      In general, I'd be cautious recommending any type of medication, especially those involving serotonin, to others given how we as individuals react differently to them. For example, the first time that I took SSRI's (a decade ago or so, recommended by my primary care physician), I had a negative reaction, and roughly a year of CBT was a much better solution (with a diagnosis of major depression). Fast forward to a few months ago, after being diagnosed yet again with major depression, this time by a psychiatrist, the SSRI's that were recommended and that I took triggered bipolar disorder--not an uncommon occurrence from what I now understand--and my current diagnosis. All in all, it sounds like you may likely benefit from therapy (individual or group based) in addition to the meds that you're already taking (for what it's worth, it's helped me immensely).
      - mistermann 10y ago
        Are there any "condensed" CBT resources you could recommend so I don't have to read this 600++ page book I've had sitting on the shelf beside me for 2 years?
chrisper 10y ago
Who did you contact first about the issue? A regular doctor, a psychologist, or a psychiatrist?
- ninenexus 10y ago
  I have it clinically as well. My experience went with Primary Care -> Psych Eval -> Psych Specialist. When you ask for the referral from your PC, I suggest requesting an office with a group of specialists that can bounce you to a better provider after your eval.
curun1r 10y ago
> that I couldn't WILL myself better (not for want of trying I can tell you). Trying to will myself better didn't work for me either. But medication made things so much worse. I was emotionally numb for a decade because I bought into the thinking that the medication was helping. It allowed me to get back to work, but I lost 10 years in the prime of my life that I'll never get back. Ironically, having so many regrets for those 10 years clued me into the damaging thought patterns that were causing my depression. My mind was spending too much time thinking about the past and visualizing the future. A conscious emphasis on being present and living in the moment has done wonders for me. And I only mention this because your comment felt like willing yourself better was the only way to think your way out of depression, which is absolutely not the case. Sometimes perspective matters more than determination.
- chrisper 10y ago
  What did the people who told you to take the medication tell you about the issue of feeling numb?
  - bpchaps 10y ago
    I used to take lithium and brought up to my doctor that it destroyed my creativity, which affected my job. His answer was, "Then the medication is doing its job." Psychiatry has been a very unempathetic field in my experience (across 4-5 doctors), so a "deal with it" response would be unsurprising.
    - joesmo 10y ago
      After I lost my dad, that's what the therapist I tried to see said: "Deal with it." At that point, I realized I was wasting my money. It took many more years, almost losing everything, and sheer fucking willpower to undo what the psychiatrists did with their meds. "Take your meds like a mindless cow," is psychiatry's attitude because they're making incredible profits off your sickness. And they get the patients to evangelize (see the top parent comment in this thread) and spread their nonsense while people are getting sick, dying, or at least wasting a whole lot of money on drugs that don't help them. Unempathetic doesn't even begin to describe the profession. Anti-Hippocratic oath might be the place to start if you're looking for a way to describe this field. Profit driven would be even better.
dcw303 10y ago
I am in no way trying to be snarky here, but can I ask what is meant by the phrase, "Capital D Depressed"? I've also seen someone use "Capital A Architect". Does the meaning change by capitalizing a word that isn't usually? Is this something to do with making it into a proper noun? Sorry that this is off-topic but it's something that's bugged me for a long time. I've never understood it and it's very hard to google for an answer.
- bnjms 10y ago
  Capital D depression implies they were diagnosed with major depressive disorder or are certain they meet the requirements and are aware of the difference between sadness and Depression. If you see this elsewhere it is context specific. But for example there is a difference between those who draw suburban house plans and those who plan museums.
  - patrickdavey 10y ago
    Yip, this is what I meant.
- deleted 10y ago
  [deleted]
- zumatic 10y ago
  I am not a doctor, but I think if you have been clinically diagnosed as depressed, you can call yourself "Capital-D depressed" -- IMHO, obviously.

Swizec 10y ago

I don't know what I was on the scale, but at some point the only thing keeping me aluve was the fear of inflicting a traumatic experience on my 8 years younger sister. Making an 8 year old discover her dead brother would be just a shitty thing to do. The obly thing that finally helped, even after meds (I think) didn't do much, was a very solid "Fuck this, I don't want this anymore" and willing myself out of it by forcing myself to become a workoholic. It gave me interesting things to do and kept me distracted from the ultimate pointlessnes of it all. Eventually the pointlessnes became my greatest asset. If nothing matters, then you can do anything right? Why give a shit about how a thing turns out, just try. My psychiatrist at the time said that the meds gave me space to will myself out of it but who knows. I'm sure it went hand in hand. On the other hand, it's been 13-ish years and too much leisure time still gets me sliding back towards a pit of despair. I'm probably not cured at all, just coping, and I'm likely to have to continue coping forever. Like a former drug addict or alcoholic.

Broken_Hippo 10y ago
In a way, I think your doctor was correct. The meds change the way you see life - supposedly - even if you didn't actually feel better. My unprofessional opinion is that LSD and other hallucinogens function about the same way - gets you out of your mindset enough so that your perspective is different when you get back in.
- Swizec 10y ago
  The meds[1] I had supposedly weren't made to change how you see life, but to numb your emotional response. You lose the ability to feel bad, but you also lose the ability to feel good. Debatable whether that's better or worse, really. Fundamentally, I did have the meds and I did get better. Without a control, I can't say whether I got better because of the drugs, in spite of the drugs, or they had no effect. Considering they're approved meds, I can assume that statistically they work better than a placebo and do have a measurable effect. Whether they had causative effect my specific case is anyone's guess. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_serotonin_reuptake_inhibitor https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_serotonin_reuptake_i...
  - ianvanness 10y ago
    In general, I'd be cautious recommending any type of medication, especially those involving serotonin, to others given how we as individuals react differently to them. For example, the first time that I took SSRI's (a decade ago or so, recommended by my primary care physician), I had a negative reaction, and roughly a year of CBT was a much better solution (with a diagnosis of major depression). Fast forward to a few months ago, after being diagnosed yet again with major depression, this time by a psychiatrist, the SSRI's that were recommended and that I took triggered bipolar disorder--not an uncommon occurrence from what I now understand--and my current diagnosis. All in all, it sounds like you may likely benefit from therapy (individual or group based) in addition to the meds that you're already taking (for what it's worth, it's helped me immensely).
    - mistermann 10y ago
      Are there any "condensed" CBT resources you could recommend so I don't have to read this 600++ page book I've had sitting on the shelf beside me for 2 years?

chrisper 10y ago

Who did you contact first about the issue? A regular doctor, a psychologist, or a psychiatrist?

ninenexus 10y ago
I have it clinically as well. My experience went with Primary Care -> Psych Eval -> Psych Specialist. When you ask for the referral from your PC, I suggest requesting an office with a group of specialists that can bounce you to a better provider after your eval.

curun1r 10y ago

> that I couldn't WILL myself better (not for want of trying I can tell you). Trying to will myself better didn't work for me either. But medication made things so much worse. I was emotionally numb for a decade because I bought into the thinking that the medication was helping. It allowed me to get back to work, but I lost 10 years in the prime of my life that I'll never get back. Ironically, having so many regrets for those 10 years clued me into the damaging thought patterns that were causing my depression. My mind was spending too much time thinking about the past and visualizing the future. A conscious emphasis on being present and living in the moment has done wonders for me. And I only mention this because your comment felt like willing yourself better was the only way to think your way out of depression, which is absolutely not the case. Sometimes perspective matters more than determination.

chrisper 10y ago
What did the people who told you to take the medication tell you about the issue of feeling numb?
- bpchaps 10y ago
  I used to take lithium and brought up to my doctor that it destroyed my creativity, which affected my job. His answer was, "Then the medication is doing its job." Psychiatry has been a very unempathetic field in my experience (across 4-5 doctors), so a "deal with it" response would be unsurprising.
  - joesmo 10y ago
    After I lost my dad, that's what the therapist I tried to see said: "Deal with it." At that point, I realized I was wasting my money. It took many more years, almost losing everything, and sheer fucking willpower to undo what the psychiatrists did with their meds. "Take your meds like a mindless cow," is psychiatry's attitude because they're making incredible profits off your sickness. And they get the patients to evangelize (see the top parent comment in this thread) and spread their nonsense while people are getting sick, dying, or at least wasting a whole lot of money on drugs that don't help them. Unempathetic doesn't even begin to describe the profession. Anti-Hippocratic oath might be the place to start if you're looking for a way to describe this field. Profit driven would be even better.

dcw303 10y ago

I am in no way trying to be snarky here, but can I ask what is meant by the phrase, "Capital D Depressed"? I've also seen someone use "Capital A Architect". Does the meaning change by capitalizing a word that isn't usually? Is this something to do with making it into a proper noun? Sorry that this is off-topic but it's something that's bugged me for a long time. I've never understood it and it's very hard to google for an answer.

bnjms 10y ago
Capital D depression implies they were diagnosed with major depressive disorder or are certain they meet the requirements and are aware of the difference between sadness and Depression. If you see this elsewhere it is context specific. But for example there is a difference between those who draw suburban house plans and those who plan museums.
- patrickdavey 10y ago
  Yip, this is what I meant.
deleted 10y ago
[deleted]
zumatic 10y ago
I am not a doctor, but I think if you have been clinically diagnosed as depressed, you can call yourself "Capital-D depressed" -- IMHO, obviously.