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Cliff notes: guy raised in a family of over-achievers, worked himself to the bone while never taking the time to grow up emotionally, hoping achievement would f

Cliff notes: guy raised in a family of over-achievers, worked himself to the bone while never taking the time to grow up emotionally, hoping achievement would fill the gap. It didn't, he had to face that fact and now that he's let go of the false hopes of success fixing his life - he's slowly but surely getting his shit together and is very glad to be doing so. Perhaps the one thing missing from this article is how common this is - I see it all the time, in all walks of life. You have to address whatever is really bothering you, sooner or later. The more you put it off and try to band-aid it, the harder it will be later on. A quote that I really liked related to this is - a year from now, you'll wish you had started today. That resonated with me.

agumonkey 10y ago
I too got stuck into a restricted life path because that was a very plausible and effective life drive (the neverending good student). Until it stopped. Gotta realign your priorities (emotional, familial and social balance) and it's surprisingly difficult for a while. It's hard to avoid over specification in life, it's a natural reflex to aim at what seems and feels the best, thinking the rest, scary and annoying has no value whatsoever. I write this very very often nowadays. I'm sad that our cultures completely ignores such things, and itself too, optimizes for other indicators (economy, foo) while so many people spend years in life confusion because simple things aren't said earlier.
- deltawave 10y ago
  Do you or somebody else have an idea on where I could explore this idea further, in terms of books, websites etc…? Having semi-recently graduated University and moved out on my own, I am having quite a few personal issues related to an achievement-obsession that I have been socialized into but which is holding me back from much day-to-day happiness.
  - agumonkey 10y ago
    No, I never researched this, mostly because I had to cope with too many little problems to really deal with things calmly and I don't even know if there's a term or idiom about this. I mentioned it a few times on the web and you're the first to actually discuss it. At least you seem to be aware of it and ready to reflect.
  - chillwaves 10y ago
    Eckhart Tolle has some legit ideas about what he calls inherited mind patterns, the collective madness of society and dealing with the ego.
- alexashka 10y ago
  These are just the pains of growing up. It's like wishing there was no bullying in school - human nature isn't going to change anytime soon and by learning to deal with dickheads, you learn a valuable lesson or two. As for culture - you have to wrap your head around the average IQ of an American being 100. 100 is really, really dumb. You probably don't talk to anyone twice as smart as the average person on a regular basis - he/she won't be able to relate to you and vice versa. But even so, it just doesn't matter - because culture or society, doesn't owe you anything. Wishing it was different is a fool's game - there are pockets in every city that you'll feel very at home with. Once you find them, you'll look back on wishing to change society as madness - you're the highly intelligent weird-o that needs a rare environment to thrive, most people are fine, they bicker until their dying breath just fine :)
  - agumonkey 10y ago
    I wouldn't mention it if I didn't hear it in others voices. Be it sexuality, love, education, society, work, celebrity... so many ideas get into our heads, so many of us get sidetracked. And I don't want problems to go away, just to get them outside of our heads, instead of self alienation by lack of understanding of what is happening and if or not you're alone in this case (my belief: you're often not). I also believe that older social groups had a more balanced structure where people would share more and listen more rather than western cultures where it's dealt with by outsourcing growing into institutions.

agumonkey 10y ago

I too got stuck into a restricted life path because that was a very plausible and effective life drive (the neverending good student). Until it stopped. Gotta realign your priorities (emotional, familial and social balance) and it's surprisingly difficult for a while. It's hard to avoid over specification in life, it's a natural reflex to aim at what seems and feels the best, thinking the rest, scary and annoying has no value whatsoever. I write this very very often nowadays. I'm sad that our cultures completely ignores such things, and itself too, optimizes for other indicators (economy, foo) while so many people spend years in life confusion because simple things aren't said earlier.

deltawave 10y ago
Do you or somebody else have an idea on where I could explore this idea further, in terms of books, websites etc…? Having semi-recently graduated University and moved out on my own, I am having quite a few personal issues related to an achievement-obsession that I have been socialized into but which is holding me back from much day-to-day happiness.
- agumonkey 10y ago
  No, I never researched this, mostly because I had to cope with too many little problems to really deal with things calmly and I don't even know if there's a term or idiom about this. I mentioned it a few times on the web and you're the first to actually discuss it. At least you seem to be aware of it and ready to reflect.
- chillwaves 10y ago
  Eckhart Tolle has some legit ideas about what he calls inherited mind patterns, the collective madness of society and dealing with the ego.
alexashka 10y ago
These are just the pains of growing up. It's like wishing there was no bullying in school - human nature isn't going to change anytime soon and by learning to deal with dickheads, you learn a valuable lesson or two. As for culture - you have to wrap your head around the average IQ of an American being 100. 100 is really, really dumb. You probably don't talk to anyone twice as smart as the average person on a regular basis - he/she won't be able to relate to you and vice versa. But even so, it just doesn't matter - because culture or society, doesn't owe you anything. Wishing it was different is a fool's game - there are pockets in every city that you'll feel very at home with. Once you find them, you'll look back on wishing to change society as madness - you're the highly intelligent weird-o that needs a rare environment to thrive, most people are fine, they bicker until their dying breath just fine :)
- agumonkey 10y ago
  I wouldn't mention it if I didn't hear it in others voices. Be it sexuality, love, education, society, work, celebrity... so many ideas get into our heads, so many of us get sidetracked. And I don't want problems to go away, just to get them outside of our heads, instead of self alienation by lack of understanding of what is happening and if or not you're alone in this case (my belief: you're often not). I also believe that older social groups had a more balanced structure where people would share more and listen more rather than western cultures where it's dealt with by outsourcing growing into institutions.