3 ms·

I think to socialize with random other individuals most people need alcohol or a pretense - pubs provide the former, temples provide the latter. There are soci

I think to socialize with random other individuals most people need alcohol or a pretense - pubs provide the former, temples provide the latter. There are societies where this concept is pretty foreign. I live in Thailand and when I tell Thai friends that foreigners often sit down at a pub and talk to complete strangers, many are quite surprised.

cableshaft 10y ago
For me, it really helps if I have a pretense like you say, but for me that pretense is playing games. Pool, darts, trivia, role playing games, board games (the biggest one for me right now), scavenger hunts, murder mysteries, even karaoke I can treat kind of like a game. Playing or following sports (games) can serve as that pretense also, although I don't follow them very closely personally (although it's impossible to avoid Cubs mania in Chicago right now :) Games have helped me be around strangers and give me a reason to talk to people I would be too shy to talk to normally. Now a lot of those strangers are no longer strangers, but friends, and that's because we played a lot of games together. I also believe that you can learn more in much less time about the character and personality of a person by how they act in a game (especially games about devising your own strategies and negotiating with people) than you can with most traditional social outings. Surprisingly video games don't really do this for me anymore. I do still play a lot of them, but I mostly play single player games. If I play multiplayer, it's got to be something in the same room now, which is why I have a Wii U.
- pimlottc 10y ago
  Board games are really great for this, as it immediately gives you something to focus on - both literally and figuratively. Rather than having to stare a stranger in the face, you've got an excuse to pore over the bits and pieces on the table while quietly listening as the game is explained. The rules give you something to concentrate on as well as another excuse for not talking all time. But! The mechanics of the game itself are inevitablely social. Pretty soon you're interacting with your fellow players in dozens of small ways. Maybe you're even striking bargains and forming alliances. By the time the game ends, these people you've been chatting around a table with for almost an hour don't seem like such strangers anymore, and you've got a shared experience to talk about, as you trade views on how the game went and what you'd do differently next game.

cableshaft 10y ago

For me, it really helps if I have a pretense like you say, but for me that pretense is playing games. Pool, darts, trivia, role playing games, board games (the biggest one for me right now), scavenger hunts, murder mysteries, even karaoke I can treat kind of like a game. Playing or following sports (games) can serve as that pretense also, although I don't follow them very closely personally (although it's impossible to avoid Cubs mania in Chicago right now :) Games have helped me be around strangers and give me a reason to talk to people I would be too shy to talk to normally. Now a lot of those strangers are no longer strangers, but friends, and that's because we played a lot of games together. I also believe that you can learn more in much less time about the character and personality of a person by how they act in a game (especially games about devising your own strategies and negotiating with people) than you can with most traditional social outings. Surprisingly video games don't really do this for me anymore. I do still play a lot of them, but I mostly play single player games. If I play multiplayer, it's got to be something in the same room now, which is why I have a Wii U.

pimlottc 10y ago
Board games are really great for this, as it immediately gives you something to focus on - both literally and figuratively. Rather than having to stare a stranger in the face, you've got an excuse to pore over the bits and pieces on the table while quietly listening as the game is explained. The rules give you something to concentrate on as well as another excuse for not talking all time. But! The mechanics of the game itself are inevitablely social. Pretty soon you're interacting with your fellow players in dozens of small ways. Maybe you're even striking bargains and forming alliances. By the time the game ends, these people you've been chatting around a table with for almost an hour don't seem like such strangers anymore, and you've got a shared experience to talk about, as you trade views on how the game went and what you'd do differently next game.