6 ms·

I didn't learn to play ball at all when I was 3. Which translated into a lack of friends at a later age, which I didn't succeed to fix in time, which translated

by tajen 10y ago

I didn't learn to play ball at all when I was 3. Which translated into a lack of friends at a later age, which I didn't succeed to fix in time, which translated into a late first experience with girls, which turned extremely bad. It may sound like a stretch, but not playing the ball (football/basketball/handball) in France gets you excluded from most groups and sucking at manual things harms your self-esteem a lot until ~20 years old.

bicx 10y ago
As an American, I would agree with this. I wish I'd stuck with a sport beyond what my parents made me do as a 7-year-old. While it may not have been my favorite thing to do, there's a lot I missed out on. When I was a kid, being a nerd wasn't cool. You didn't make friends that way. That took a toll on self-confidence until my mid-20s when suddenly my nerd tendencies became really profitable and appreciated. Before that, I just accepted that people thought I was a little weird. But more than that, I realized that there were many life lessons regarding self-discipline, training, and teamwork that I missed as well. I ended up working for a startup founded by college athletes (not your stereotypical jocks, but smart, driven people) and you could see that their leadership, discipline, and motivational skills were already well-developed from their soccer days. For me, working on software teams was my first real collaborative team experience, and I could tell they were leagues beyond me in understanding and developing team dynamics.
- cdubzzz 10y ago
  > But more than that, I realized that there were many life lessons regarding self-discipline, training, and teamwork that I missed as well. Absolutely this. I did play football in high school and actually was not really in to it at all (parents forced me to play something). I was also quite anti-social, in to computers and video games, never went to parties, etc. Then I got a degree in English literature and spent three years in the Peace Corps. These things all coalesced in interesting ways for me: - Football taught me about self-discipline, training, teamwork, leadership, etc. - My hobby interest in computers from a young age built up a strong technical foundation and ultimately gave me the skills needed to land my first job. - Studying English lit. taught me about effective written and verbal communication, analytical and critical thinking (beyond what I learned doing development), etc. and has been massively useful in my work life. - Peace Corps taught me how to be social (finally!), patient, self-motivated, etc. and also about generalities surrounding important things such as culture, language, history and identity. All of this stuff has led me to success in the job market and, I think, a powerful appreciation for my work and the work/life balance. It's very interesting to think about.
- j2bax 10y ago
  I pretty much realized by Middle School (6th grade) that sports weren't for me despite having fun playing them on the playground in Elementary school. I instead started fostering a lifelong appreciation of music as my extracurricular activity. This is probably because my dad was very musical and never showed any interest in sports. Growing up I never played ball with my dad, but I would jam with him and his music friends regularly. In middle school I hung out with a strange blend of jocks, nerds and punk rockers and never felt like I missed out on friendships because of my lack of sportiness. I don't feel like my life is any less rich because I chose to not be obsessed with sports. My wife who grew up with a sports fanatic for a dad gives me shit sometimes, but I try not to let it get to me. I can now enjoy my passion wherever I am, while I work, while I'm exercising (blah!) and I have a hobby (playing guitars/drums and listening to music) that I can do pretty much until my deathbed.
shin_lao 10y ago
I didn't learn to play ball, but that didn't prevent me from having good friends (who also didn't play ball) and enjoying a rich sentimental life.
- tajen 10y ago
  That's why I said "...which I didn't succeed to fix in time". Of course, a proper person can (and should) counterbalance a handicap. But having a basic understanding of ball-playing would have saved a lot of experiences that are destructive for both the self-esteem and for the society.
  - shin_lao 10y ago
    I hear you, but these experiences can also forge a strong personality.
yodsanklai 10y ago
I really sucked at soccer and such (I was always the last one picked when making teams). It didn't prevent me from performing well in individual sports, and it had no incidence at all in my social life. You could always socialize with other kids that weren't into this type of sports. (I grew up in France too).
dorfsmay 10y ago
Yes, but, I don't have stereo vision, so all my attempts to play with balls (soccer, tennis, volleyball, etc...) Have failed. I also grew up in France and can attest that it used to be difficult to integrate in any sort of group if you didn't play and didn't care for "Le foot".
- strongai 10y ago
  I was the same with soccer. Poor motor skills etc. Fortunately, I was saved by rugby at secondary school where despite my physical uncoordination, I was keen and could tackle hard. As soon as I got into the rugby team, all the bullying stopped.
- BrandoElFollito 10y ago
  This must depend on the place. I grew up near Versailles in the 80', was not interested in football and never had problems to integrate. I hardly knew people who would be particularly interested in football as I now think of it.
sailingcat 10y ago
Funny i often think the same as to why i was left out and had a pretty low self esteem younger.
Yhippa 10y ago
Same in America too. I should have joined the football team instead of doing marching band.
matt_wulfeck 10y ago
which I didn't succeed to fix in time, which translated into a late first experience with girls I can't help but feel that you caring so much about this might be the second stage of your regret.
cdbattags 10y ago
Hand in hand with "ball", I think it's the same way with learning an instrument or music in general. I played for 3 years in middle school (grades 6-8) and put it down because I felt awkward continuing on through high school. Now, 8 years later, I've joined jazz ensemble at uni and feel so far behind but so glad I'm back into it. I sadly didn't come into a "don't apologize for the way your are mentality" until later in high school/early college.
bbcbasic 10y ago
It seems sad to me to regret "decisions" you made as a toddler. I would say society has let you down here and there is nothing to regret.
run4yourlives2 10y ago
I have something similar to this. Except I did play soccer (football) when I was younger, and I was pretty good. At about 12-13 another player and I got cut from my rep team. We would have been forced into the house leagues for that year, instead of regional travel. I was pretty young and nobody really explained the concept of making a team to me. I just always played for the teams I was on, not realizing that I was actually playing at the top level of my club for my age. My dad lost it, and pulled me from the organization. I suppose he thought I was better than some other kids that were kept on. The intent was we'd play for another club. I suppose they were all full by that time, because I never did. I stopped playing soccer in favour of other sports. I played hockey next year instead. I didn't try out for the high school team because I thought I wasn't a good player. The kid who got cut with me kept practicing, joined the high school team, and got a university scholarship in the US as a player. His father was just as upset as mine was, but I'd say how he approached that problem was quite different. I'm 41 now, and I play every week in a competitive amateur league; even though I walked away from the game in the critical development years, I'm still good enough to play with guys who played all of their lives. I always wonder how good I could have actually been had I kept it up. It's a lesson however that I'm constantly aware of for my own boys: Where you are at development wise at any particular time in comparison to others says little about where your ultimate top end might be. How you handle rejection and defeat is more important than how you are when things are going well.
Taylor_OD 10y ago
I was home schooled and never played sports until 13ish. I only started because there were people like me that seemed like they were having a good time. I was awful but I made friends. Ended up being a college athlete in another sport. Maybe France is different but I don't think not playing sports at age 3 is as big of a deterrent as you may think to playing sports or making friends.

by tajen 10y ago

bicx 10y ago

As an American, I would agree with this. I wish I'd stuck with a sport beyond what my parents made me do as a 7-year-old. While it may not have been my favorite thing to do, there's a lot I missed out on. When I was a kid, being a nerd wasn't cool. You didn't make friends that way. That took a toll on self-confidence until my mid-20s when suddenly my nerd tendencies became really profitable and appreciated. Before that, I just accepted that people thought I was a little weird. But more than that, I realized that there were many life lessons regarding self-discipline, training, and teamwork that I missed as well. I ended up working for a startup founded by college athletes (not your stereotypical jocks, but smart, driven people) and you could see that their leadership, discipline, and motivational skills were already well-developed from their soccer days. For me, working on software teams was my first real collaborative team experience, and I could tell they were leagues beyond me in understanding and developing team dynamics.

cdubzzz 10y ago
> But more than that, I realized that there were many life lessons regarding self-discipline, training, and teamwork that I missed as well. Absolutely this. I did play football in high school and actually was not really in to it at all (parents forced me to play something). I was also quite anti-social, in to computers and video games, never went to parties, etc. Then I got a degree in English literature and spent three years in the Peace Corps. These things all coalesced in interesting ways for me: - Football taught me about self-discipline, training, teamwork, leadership, etc. - My hobby interest in computers from a young age built up a strong technical foundation and ultimately gave me the skills needed to land my first job. - Studying English lit. taught me about effective written and verbal communication, analytical and critical thinking (beyond what I learned doing development), etc. and has been massively useful in my work life. - Peace Corps taught me how to be social (finally!), patient, self-motivated, etc. and also about generalities surrounding important things such as culture, language, history and identity. All of this stuff has led me to success in the job market and, I think, a powerful appreciation for my work and the work/life balance. It's very interesting to think about.
j2bax 10y ago
I pretty much realized by Middle School (6th grade) that sports weren't for me despite having fun playing them on the playground in Elementary school. I instead started fostering a lifelong appreciation of music as my extracurricular activity. This is probably because my dad was very musical and never showed any interest in sports. Growing up I never played ball with my dad, but I would jam with him and his music friends regularly. In middle school I hung out with a strange blend of jocks, nerds and punk rockers and never felt like I missed out on friendships because of my lack of sportiness. I don't feel like my life is any less rich because I chose to not be obsessed with sports. My wife who grew up with a sports fanatic for a dad gives me shit sometimes, but I try not to let it get to me. I can now enjoy my passion wherever I am, while I work, while I'm exercising (blah!) and I have a hobby (playing guitars/drums and listening to music) that I can do pretty much until my deathbed.

shin_lao 10y ago

I didn't learn to play ball, but that didn't prevent me from having good friends (who also didn't play ball) and enjoying a rich sentimental life.

tajen 10y ago
That's why I said "...which I didn't succeed to fix in time". Of course, a proper person can (and should) counterbalance a handicap. But having a basic understanding of ball-playing would have saved a lot of experiences that are destructive for both the self-esteem and for the society.
- shin_lao 10y ago
  I hear you, but these experiences can also forge a strong personality.

yodsanklai 10y ago

I really sucked at soccer and such (I was always the last one picked when making teams). It didn't prevent me from performing well in individual sports, and it had no incidence at all in my social life. You could always socialize with other kids that weren't into this type of sports. (I grew up in France too).

dorfsmay 10y ago

Yes, but, I don't have stereo vision, so all my attempts to play with balls (soccer, tennis, volleyball, etc...) Have failed. I also grew up in France and can attest that it used to be difficult to integrate in any sort of group if you didn't play and didn't care for "Le foot".

strongai 10y ago
I was the same with soccer. Poor motor skills etc. Fortunately, I was saved by rugby at secondary school where despite my physical uncoordination, I was keen and could tackle hard. As soon as I got into the rugby team, all the bullying stopped.
BrandoElFollito 10y ago
This must depend on the place. I grew up near Versailles in the 80', was not interested in football and never had problems to integrate. I hardly knew people who would be particularly interested in football as I now think of it.

sailingcat 10y ago

Funny i often think the same as to why i was left out and had a pretty low self esteem younger.

Yhippa 10y ago

Same in America too. I should have joined the football team instead of doing marching band.

matt_wulfeck 10y ago

which I didn't succeed to fix in time, which translated into a late first experience with girls I can't help but feel that you caring so much about this might be the second stage of your regret.

cdbattags 10y ago

Hand in hand with "ball", I think it's the same way with learning an instrument or music in general. I played for 3 years in middle school (grades 6-8) and put it down because I felt awkward continuing on through high school. Now, 8 years later, I've joined jazz ensemble at uni and feel so far behind but so glad I'm back into it. I sadly didn't come into a "don't apologize for the way your are mentality" until later in high school/early college.

bbcbasic 10y ago

It seems sad to me to regret "decisions" you made as a toddler. I would say society has let you down here and there is nothing to regret.

run4yourlives2 10y ago

I have something similar to this. Except I did play soccer (football) when I was younger, and I was pretty good. At about 12-13 another player and I got cut from my rep team. We would have been forced into the house leagues for that year, instead of regional travel. I was pretty young and nobody really explained the concept of making a team to me. I just always played for the teams I was on, not realizing that I was actually playing at the top level of my club for my age. My dad lost it, and pulled me from the organization. I suppose he thought I was better than some other kids that were kept on. The intent was we'd play for another club. I suppose they were all full by that time, because I never did. I stopped playing soccer in favour of other sports. I played hockey next year instead. I didn't try out for the high school team because I thought I wasn't a good player. The kid who got cut with me kept practicing, joined the high school team, and got a university scholarship in the US as a player. His father was just as upset as mine was, but I'd say how he approached that problem was quite different. I'm 41 now, and I play every week in a competitive amateur league; even though I walked away from the game in the critical development years, I'm still good enough to play with guys who played all of their lives. I always wonder how good I could have actually been had I kept it up. It's a lesson however that I'm constantly aware of for my own boys: Where you are at development wise at any particular time in comparison to others says little about where your ultimate top end might be. How you handle rejection and defeat is more important than how you are when things are going well.

Taylor_OD 10y ago

I was home schooled and never played sports until 13ish. I only started because there were people like me that seemed like they were having a good time. I was awful but I made friends. Ended up being a college athlete in another sport. Maybe France is different but I don't think not playing sports at age 3 is as big of a deterrent as you may think to playing sports or making friends.