3 ms·

I am fascinated by your ability to put words in my mouth and make stuff up about my views whole cloth. Edit: Your comments are delicious irony given how often

by Mz 10y ago

I am fascinated by your ability to put words in my mouth and make stuff up about my views whole cloth. Edit: Your comments are delicious irony given how often I get accused of being a feminist on this forum and accused of writing feminist blogposts merely for being openly female and giving my personal opinions here.

tptacek 10y ago
Probably this part of the thread isn't going to go anywhere productive. You both have things to say that I am interested in hearing --- although in this case, Michele, I think you're wrong. But at this point tone has decisively sabotaged the conversation. Doesn't matter whose fault it is; it's just a fact now.
- Mz 10y ago
  And yet you choose to crab at the woman and not at the member who is putting words in my mouth and tarring me. Because your whiteknighting tendencies do so much good for the status of women on HN.
  - tptacek 10y ago
    If you really think I'm "white knighting" a woman shamed to suicide for her own rape, I think the point I just tried to make should be even clearer.
    - Mz 10y ago
      If you fail to see that you never, ever engaging the top ranked woman here except to shoot her down completely contradicts your stated concern for the status of women, well, I don't know what to say to that. But, then, I never have known, which is why I haven't said it. You do this sort of thing a lot and it is much more about enhancing your ego than about enhancing the status of women, which you seem to be not terribly knowledgeable about how to do effectively.
      - tptacek 10y ago
        It's super weird to me that you perceive me this way, because my working model for you on this site is that I'm generally pretty happy to see you appearing in threads, and that we have an unusual amount of agreement with each other. I do not care about your assessment of how well I'm enhancing the status of women. I'm not an "ally", just a commenter with opinions. You can score me an "F" on the rest of it --- I take no offense. PS: For whatever it's worth, I simplied replied to the last comment on the thread --- I didn't single you out. But the thought did go through my mind that I should be relieved I was responding to you and not Dave, because Dave would flip the fuck out if I stepped in. :)
        Mz 10y ago
        Well, this is completely news to me, because it does not match up with your behavior. The vast majority of the time, you appear to ignore me entirely. The only time you engage me, it appears to be to put me in my place. I cannot recall you ever expressing agreement with me on the site. If I simply have not noticed it, I would be thrilled to pieces to see evidence that it occurs and I simply missed it. Because I am entirely unaware of it, but painfully aware of the negative effect that the shunning of women by top ranked members has here. Thank you for the comment though.
        tptacek 10y ago
        My mental model is that I don't generally respond to comments I agree with; I just upvote them. But maybe I'm doing something that makes it seem like I'm me-tooing some comments and not yours? I'll be more mindful! I'm married to (and business partners with) a woman in a competitive part of tech. I do not need to be convinced that this kind of stuff happens to women, or that I might be contributing to it myself by some stupid habit of expression. To whatever extent I've done that in the past: I'm sorry! I actually do worry about point-scoring with comments about misogyny, by the way, so much so that right after I wrote my comment towards the top of the thread, I sanity checked it with Erin, who has taken me to task before for appropriating her anger at how women are treated in our industry and scoring RT's and likes with it. She said this particular case --- and that comment at the top of the thread --- were so bad that I was in the clear this time. If you see me doing that somewhere else on HN, you'll be doing me a favor to point it out, and I'll do my best to listen and respond civilly.

by Mz 10y ago

tptacek 10y ago

Probably this part of the thread isn't going to go anywhere productive. You both have things to say that I am interested in hearing --- although in this case, Michele, I think you're wrong. But at this point tone has decisively sabotaged the conversation. Doesn't matter whose fault it is; it's just a fact now.

Mz 10y ago
And yet you choose to crab at the woman and not at the member who is putting words in my mouth and tarring me. Because your whiteknighting tendencies do so much good for the status of women on HN.
- tptacek 10y ago
  If you really think I'm "white knighting" a woman shamed to suicide for her own rape, I think the point I just tried to make should be even clearer.
  - Mz 10y ago
    If you fail to see that you never, ever engaging the top ranked woman here except to shoot her down completely contradicts your stated concern for the status of women, well, I don't know what to say to that. But, then, I never have known, which is why I haven't said it. You do this sort of thing a lot and it is much more about enhancing your ego than about enhancing the status of women, which you seem to be not terribly knowledgeable about how to do effectively.
    - tptacek 10y ago
      It's super weird to me that you perceive me this way, because my working model for you on this site is that I'm generally pretty happy to see you appearing in threads, and that we have an unusual amount of agreement with each other. I do not care about your assessment of how well I'm enhancing the status of women. I'm not an "ally", just a commenter with opinions. You can score me an "F" on the rest of it --- I take no offense. PS: For whatever it's worth, I simplied replied to the last comment on the thread --- I didn't single you out. But the thought did go through my mind that I should be relieved I was responding to you and not Dave, because Dave would flip the fuck out if I stepped in. :)
      - Mz 10y ago
        Well, this is completely news to me, because it does not match up with your behavior. The vast majority of the time, you appear to ignore me entirely. The only time you engage me, it appears to be to put me in my place. I cannot recall you ever expressing agreement with me on the site. If I simply have not noticed it, I would be thrilled to pieces to see evidence that it occurs and I simply missed it. Because I am entirely unaware of it, but painfully aware of the negative effect that the shunning of women by top ranked members has here. Thank you for the comment though.
        tptacek 10y ago
        My mental model is that I don't generally respond to comments I agree with; I just upvote them. But maybe I'm doing something that makes it seem like I'm me-tooing some comments and not yours? I'll be more mindful! I'm married to (and business partners with) a woman in a competitive part of tech. I do not need to be convinced that this kind of stuff happens to women, or that I might be contributing to it myself by some stupid habit of expression. To whatever extent I've done that in the past: I'm sorry! I actually do worry about point-scoring with comments about misogyny, by the way, so much so that right after I wrote my comment towards the top of the thread, I sanity checked it with Erin, who has taken me to task before for appropriating her anger at how women are treated in our industry and scoring RT's and likes with it. She said this particular case --- and that comment at the top of the thread --- were so bad that I was in the clear this time. If you see me doing that somewhere else on HN, you'll be doing me a favor to point it out, and I'll do my best to listen and respond civilly.