4 ms·

I guarantee there are people in that exact situation who are doing just fine. The same rain that drenches the dog rolls off the duck's back unnoticed. That be

I guarantee there are people in that exact situation who are doing just fine. The same rain that drenches the dog rolls off the duck's back unnoticed. That being said, probably not a good idea to become responsible for other people before you've got your own life figured out.

shuntress 10y ago
In the case of the Dog and the Duck, the Duck has much more money (waterproof feathers) to deal with his problems. The same car crash that drenches the broke student rolls off the retired millionaire's back unnoticed. e: Of course, some people cope better than others regardless of the situation. But to imply that having more money doesn't make coping easier is simply foolish.
jads 10y ago
>That being said, probably not a good idea to become responsible for other people before you've got your own life figured out. That seems rather offensive and narrow-minded. Sometimes life has its surprises that weren't expected. Life can also throw us curveballs. One day you might feel like everything is going well but then something changes. I'm sure some of the 300 or so people at Twitter who are about to lose their jobs probably thought they had things figured out.
- maxxxxx 10y ago
  I think he mis-phrased "before you've got your own life figured out". I think he wanted to say that before you tell other people how to deal with problems you should have gone through some challenges yourself. For example: somebody who has joined google early (which I attribute mainly to luck) and made a lot of money should be careful telling people who are getting laid off how to be happy.
  - CuriouslyC 10y ago
    I was referring to becoming a parent before you're ready. That's like an overweight person getting on a treadmill for the first time and cranking it to a 6 minute mile pace. Of course you're going to be miserable, it's your own fault, you were foolish.
    - maxxxxx 10y ago
      How about: don't give parenting advice before you have raised a kid?
      - gknoy 10y ago
        Perhaps they already do speak from experience. As a parent, I'm not sure if there's ever a "ready" point, but I definitely feel like my life (and my kids') would have been tangibly more difficult had I decided to have them a decade earlier. Parenting is hard.
      - CuriouslyC 10y ago
        You're confused, it isn't parenting advice, it's general life advice that happens to apply well to parenting.
    - projektir 10y ago
      I don't think we'd have many kids at all if everyone waited until they were ready.
    - jads 10y ago
      That is such a naive and ignorant generalization. Are you suggesting that every parent who had an unexpected pregnancy is foolish? What about single parents? No-one is truly prepared or ready for parenthood, nor can you know what life might throw at you. Having a child when you're struggling day to day is certainly not ideal, but to say it's foolish is insulting. In theory, any would-be parent would want to have kids at the right time. Unfortunately, biology doesn't work like that, nor does the world. You can only be so ready. You're also assuming that the original comment was about bringing a child into the world in a circumstance where it was hard to make rent, they couldn't afford to quit the job and had a horrible boss. What if these circumstances happened after having children? Not everyone can simply quit and work elsewhere. If you're an engineer working in the bay area, you might have plenty of companies to send your resume to but that doesn't mean you're going to land on your feet. What about non-engineers? Or those who don't have the good fortune to be in an industry and location that is largely unique? I'd be interested to hear your advice for any factory workers in the Midwest where that factory closing means tough times ahead. Please, tell us how you think they should've avoided raising a family or making sure they had marketable job skills so they could land on their feet with a job of similar pay so they wouldn't have to struggle.
- CuriouslyC 10y ago
  If those 300 employees weren't one trick ponies or people who got their job solely based on some variant of nepotism, I'm sure they'll land on their feet. People with marketable job skills don't need to put up with abusive bosses. If you don't have marketable job skills, you didn't have life figured out. Likewise, if you had job skills, but didn't keep them updated to track the changing market, you didn't have life figured out. If everything was going great, and you suffered some disability that precludes your ability to properly support yourself (but strangely doesn't qualify you for disability benefits), you have my full sympathy. I don't think this case is very common though.
employee8000 10y ago
The situation I describe above applies to plenty of software engineers in the Bay Area. I have a few friends that are struggling to cope with the ridiculously high rents, while trying to balance and find a safe area to raise a family. It has nothing to do with "figuring your life out first" as you so condescendingly wrote. It's the realities of living in areas like the Bay Area. Not everyone is a millionaire with a house and a great job and great boss.
drzaiusapelord 10y ago
>That being said, probably not a good idea to become responsible for other people before you've got your own life figured out. Ignoring that most people live surprising and unplanned lives, even if you get your shit together, life is still full of surprises. You can lose your job, get very ill, etc even after you're good and settled in life. Worse, we've convinced people to have kids in their late 30s and early 40s because between the levels of education you need to be competitive and the many years of working shit jobs before you get a 'real' job or at least one with a comfortable income, you'll find yourself old. Humans probably weren't designed to have kids so late in life. We're seeing a huge uptick of autism spectrum disorders and taking care of a baby at 41 is a lot tougher than a 21 year old who can weather the storms of low sleep and other issues. The question in my mind is why has society lost its basic compassion towards having children? Reddit's most popular subs include /r/childfree and parents need to fight for basic maternity/paternity rights. In the past, the family unit was considered our more precious thing and society was built to protect it. Now soceity is built to protect markets and economies while families are just a 'fuck you if you want kids' kinda of deal. As an older dad I think the system is ridiculous. Live to work vs work to live is a big theme in my life and the pendulum has unfortunately swung to the former long ago. Its especially obvious once you have kids.

shuntress 10y ago

In the case of the Dog and the Duck, the Duck has much more money (waterproof feathers) to deal with his problems. The same car crash that drenches the broke student rolls off the retired millionaire's back unnoticed. e: Of course, some people cope better than others regardless of the situation. But to imply that having more money doesn't make coping easier is simply foolish.

jads 10y ago

>That being said, probably not a good idea to become responsible for other people before you've got your own life figured out. That seems rather offensive and narrow-minded. Sometimes life has its surprises that weren't expected. Life can also throw us curveballs. One day you might feel like everything is going well but then something changes. I'm sure some of the 300 or so people at Twitter who are about to lose their jobs probably thought they had things figured out.

maxxxxx 10y ago
I think he mis-phrased "before you've got your own life figured out". I think he wanted to say that before you tell other people how to deal with problems you should have gone through some challenges yourself. For example: somebody who has joined google early (which I attribute mainly to luck) and made a lot of money should be careful telling people who are getting laid off how to be happy.
- CuriouslyC 10y ago
  I was referring to becoming a parent before you're ready. That's like an overweight person getting on a treadmill for the first time and cranking it to a 6 minute mile pace. Of course you're going to be miserable, it's your own fault, you were foolish.
  - maxxxxx 10y ago
    How about: don't give parenting advice before you have raised a kid?
    - gknoy 10y ago
      Perhaps they already do speak from experience. As a parent, I'm not sure if there's ever a "ready" point, but I definitely feel like my life (and my kids') would have been tangibly more difficult had I decided to have them a decade earlier. Parenting is hard.
    - CuriouslyC 10y ago
      You're confused, it isn't parenting advice, it's general life advice that happens to apply well to parenting.
  - projektir 10y ago
    I don't think we'd have many kids at all if everyone waited until they were ready.
  - jads 10y ago
    That is such a naive and ignorant generalization. Are you suggesting that every parent who had an unexpected pregnancy is foolish? What about single parents? No-one is truly prepared or ready for parenthood, nor can you know what life might throw at you. Having a child when you're struggling day to day is certainly not ideal, but to say it's foolish is insulting. In theory, any would-be parent would want to have kids at the right time. Unfortunately, biology doesn't work like that, nor does the world. You can only be so ready. You're also assuming that the original comment was about bringing a child into the world in a circumstance where it was hard to make rent, they couldn't afford to quit the job and had a horrible boss. What if these circumstances happened after having children? Not everyone can simply quit and work elsewhere. If you're an engineer working in the bay area, you might have plenty of companies to send your resume to but that doesn't mean you're going to land on your feet. What about non-engineers? Or those who don't have the good fortune to be in an industry and location that is largely unique? I'd be interested to hear your advice for any factory workers in the Midwest where that factory closing means tough times ahead. Please, tell us how you think they should've avoided raising a family or making sure they had marketable job skills so they could land on their feet with a job of similar pay so they wouldn't have to struggle.
CuriouslyC 10y ago
If those 300 employees weren't one trick ponies or people who got their job solely based on some variant of nepotism, I'm sure they'll land on their feet. People with marketable job skills don't need to put up with abusive bosses. If you don't have marketable job skills, you didn't have life figured out. Likewise, if you had job skills, but didn't keep them updated to track the changing market, you didn't have life figured out. If everything was going great, and you suffered some disability that precludes your ability to properly support yourself (but strangely doesn't qualify you for disability benefits), you have my full sympathy. I don't think this case is very common though.

employee8000 10y ago

The situation I describe above applies to plenty of software engineers in the Bay Area. I have a few friends that are struggling to cope with the ridiculously high rents, while trying to balance and find a safe area to raise a family. It has nothing to do with "figuring your life out first" as you so condescendingly wrote. It's the realities of living in areas like the Bay Area. Not everyone is a millionaire with a house and a great job and great boss.

drzaiusapelord 10y ago

>That being said, probably not a good idea to become responsible for other people before you've got your own life figured out. Ignoring that most people live surprising and unplanned lives, even if you get your shit together, life is still full of surprises. You can lose your job, get very ill, etc even after you're good and settled in life. Worse, we've convinced people to have kids in their late 30s and early 40s because between the levels of education you need to be competitive and the many years of working shit jobs before you get a 'real' job or at least one with a comfortable income, you'll find yourself old. Humans probably weren't designed to have kids so late in life. We're seeing a huge uptick of autism spectrum disorders and taking care of a baby at 41 is a lot tougher than a 21 year old who can weather the storms of low sleep and other issues. The question in my mind is why has society lost its basic compassion towards having children? Reddit's most popular subs include /r/childfree and parents need to fight for basic maternity/paternity rights. In the past, the family unit was considered our more precious thing and society was built to protect it. Now soceity is built to protect markets and economies while families are just a 'fuck you if you want kids' kinda of deal. As an older dad I think the system is ridiculous. Live to work vs work to live is a big theme in my life and the pendulum has unfortunately swung to the former long ago. Its especially obvious once you have kids.