8 ms·

Ask YC: Hacker moms & dads, what do you read?

27 points by rodrigo 19y ago

Ive just had a baby girl, what do you, hacker moms and dads read about children? is there a place online to read interesting stuff? any deadtree books you recommend?

ixnu 19y ago
We have a 10 month old, a six, and eight y-o. Here are some books that have helped us: The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer (Paperback) by Harvey Karp Parenting Beyond Belief: On Raising Ethical, Caring Kids Without Religion by Dale McGowan
mhb 19y ago
I liked "Super Parents Super Children" (http://www.amazon.com/Super-Parents-Children-Frances-Kendall/dp/0929205006/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1204509907&sr=1-1 http://www.amazon.com/Super-Parents-Children-Frances-Kendall...) From their book description: Provides the libertarian answer to solving all your child-raising problems, based on self-discipline and freedom of choice.
- greendestiny 19y ago
  I definitely lean to towards free market solutions, but the more I see libertarianism defined as an ideology that applies in everything from market pricing to child raring the less I like it. Whoever called it the Marxism of the right was spot on when it comes to things like this. With an ideological framework you can define certain things to be true without reference to reality, and suddenly you're arguing that reality is failing to live up to your theory and not the other way round. Anything that claims to provide insight into a topic but uses an ideological lens to get there is fundamentally flawed.
- curi 19y ago
  libertarians frequently take positions like "I own the TV, so it's my decision if/when it will be used." How does this book handle that sort of issue? (Note: I am generally libertarian-oriented and this kind of position is often taken by people I otherwise respect.)
  - mhb 19y ago
    Here are some quotes from the book which may provide more insight: "Children are rational and logical, and want to be happy, just as we do." "The only important difference between adults and children is experience." "The three main qualities you need to foster in your child's personality are independence, self-esteem and individuality." "In order to prevent your children from harming your belongings, you need to establish exactly what property belongs to whom in your home.... A working example would be to decide that your child's room, toys and clothes are his property."
ghiotion 19y ago
Man, just go with your gut. I've got two kids, 6 and 1.5 (both boys) and they're night and day different. The best advice is to listen to you instincts. You know your kids better than any one else. If it doesn't feel right, it ain't right. One caveat: ignore any advice that says you shouldn't get your kids vaccinated. The science doesn't hold up and, even if it did, it ignores the concept of relative risk (i.e. you're statistically more likely to be maimed by an uncontrolled case of measles than to get Autism from the MMR vaccine).
- curi 19y ago
  http://health.msn.com/kids-health/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100196272&GT1=31036 http://health.msn.com/kids-health/articlepage.aspx?cp-docume... That article says that 90% of American parents spank their toddlers. Whatever the real figure is, a lot of people's gut tells them that hitting their children is right. I agree with the sentiment that you shouldn't try to force some one-size-fits-all formula on your kids when it feels wrong. But we do need reason, frequently.
  - ghiotion 19y ago
    Fair enough. However, I'm probably going to state what will be an unpopular opinion but one which is, I think, nevertheless true: spanking a child teaches a valuable lesson. I hardly ever do it, and I never do it as a punishment to be meted out later (as in, wait 'till your daddy gets home, then you're going to get it!). In the case where you've got a child who's prone to hit, I think it's reasonable to hit them back. Not with the same force, but it's a valuable lesson to learn that if you hit someone, you're going to get hit back. I don't want my kids to learn that they can physically intimate someone without consequence. Lacking that negative reinforcement, I _think_ you've got a bully in the making.
    - curi 19y ago
      The reason hitting people is bad is not that you will get hit back. That is one reason, but it's not the most important one, otherwise it'd be ok to hit defenseless people (like one's children). Hitting people is an ineffective way of life -- it is bad for yourself. When you cooperate, you both win. When you fight, at most one of you wins, and usually you both lose (even if you don't get hurt, peaceful people will now keep their distance). Fighting is also an irrational approach to conflict resolution. It makes no attempt to have the best idea implemented. Instead, it implements the idea of the physically strongest person. That is not a way to find the truth or to achieve good outcomes.
kirubakaran 19y ago
Congratulations!
curi 19y ago
I read http://www.takingchildrenseriously.com/ http://www.takingchildrenseriously.com/ and its email list. (Note: website not updated recently.) I also write about parenting. Try http://www.curi.us/archives/list_category/50 http://www.curi.us/archives/list_category/50 or http://www.curi.us/archives/list_category/6 http://www.curi.us/archives/list_category/6 It's not especially organized and other topics are mixed in. I also write to the email list above.
brlewis 19y ago
Read the Ferber sleep book. The details matter.
- comatose_kid 19y ago
  Seconded.
- Alex3917 19y ago
  I seem to remember Emotional Intelligence being strongly against ferberization. Not positive though. In any event I'd recommend taking a quick look through the relevant journal articles to make sure you aren't going to be stunting your children's emotional development.
- curi 19y ago
  The Ferber method involves leaving your child, alone, even if he's crying. And you do it for progressively longer periods of time no matter how unpleasant he finds it.
- comatose_kid 19y ago
  To all those who commented negatively on the book (and especially the person who voted me down): Have you actually read it? And have you tried the methods? I have read the book, and can vouch for its methods. Yes, the baby cries, and you have to let it cry. It's not easy. But after a while, the baby stops and goes to sleep. And after a few nights (it took mine ~3 nights, with less crying each night), they learn to fall asleep by themselves. Believe me, when you have a baby who needs its parents by its side for hours before going to sleep, you might view the book differently.
  - curi 19y ago
    "don't object to making children cry until you've tried it"
- pohart 19y ago
  read "the no cry sleep solution" by Pantley, Sears it works, and you don't need to make your baby cry alone every night.
niels_olson 19y ago
I just spent four weeks on a pediatric neurology clerkship in medical school, and my wife is a pediatric occupational therapist. Throw away your TV. Just do it. After Katrina, when we evacuated to my parents' house, they'd just moved in themselves, the day before. We agreed to not hook up cable. My kids calmed down noticeably. No, remarkably. We watch, maybe, a movie or two a week. The DVD player broke, so they only watch those movies on a computer anyway. The TV hasn't been turned on in weeks. I now own a $5000 Ethan Allen box to hide a $500 TV box that I don't use. Just throw the boob tube away. What do you do with a livingroom that has no TV? Feng shui. My wife has started advising parents of kids with ADHD to get rid of their TVs. They're scared at first, but they do it. And in a few days or weeks they love her for it. The pediatric neurologists I was with last month think ADHD probably isn't even a legit diagnosis (psychiatric diagnoses are voted on). They very frankly told me they think it's mainly a combination of TV and bad parenting, which is on the rise thanks to TV and entirely too many double-income homes. And if you're questioning their politics, these folks are insanely smart and educated, and probably more liberal than Noam Chomsky, and I know at least one that raised four kids herself. In case you missed it: throw away the TV. All of them. For specific readings, go to PubMed's Entrez site and look up the author "Christakis DA". He's prolific, but his biggest newsmakers are some rather large studies showing dose-dependent correlations between TV and obesity, attention deficit, violence at school, and I think there was something else.
- curi 19y ago
  The arguments against TVs are very similar to the older arguments made against letting children have books.
  - Olgaar 19y ago
    I'm not one to tell anyone how to raise their children (see arguements below about spanking, yikes). This is just my experience... take it or leave it YMMV. My son is only two, and we find that if we let him watch too much TV his behavior takes a dive... more tantrums, less respect/listening to me and mom. As an experiment, we unplugged the TV for several days and the results were immediate and dramatic. Since then, we try to limit his TV time even more so than before. The danger is that he enjoys it, and us parents enjoy the opportunity to take care of other projects around the house without interruption. So if we find the family slipping into TV reliance, we pull the plug for a couple days. Sometimes he's upset at first when he realizes it doesn't work, but he's over it in SECONDS and moves on to something else. I'm not going to bother guessing why this is the case, but our experience is very clear to us. My personal philosophy is all things in moderation. So if it makes him happy to watch the Wiggles or some old-school Fraggle Rock on DVD, he gets to. But it's the responsiblity of me and mom to keep it reasonable and keep the house a happy place for everyone.
merrick33 19y ago
As a father the best thing you can do after attending to your daughters immediate needs, is learn more about how to become the kind of father that your daughter needs. After reading the following book I feel better prepared and informed to be a better father. Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters (http://www.amazon.com/Strong-Fathers-Daughters-Secrets-Father/dp/1596980125 http://www.amazon.com/Strong-Fathers-Daughters-Secrets-Fathe...)
DanielBMarkham 19y ago
As a hacker and father of four (2 grown now) I've read this thread with interest. What books to read as a new dad? I wouldn't read any books. Or if you must read them, do so with a pinch of salt. Use your instinct. People in books will tell you all sorts of sounds-good things that rarely have any traction in the real world. It's like business tapes and self-help books: they know a bunch of people are out there looking for advice and they're going to pump your head full of something for your twenty bucks whether it works or not. I am going to try to make a simple observation that I hope is not too controversial. For all of those "I did X,Y, Z and it is so much better" folks, last I checked humans have been making little replacements for millions of years. These replacements have done all sorts of things like introduce philosophy, conquer sickness, sail the oceans, learn to fly, etc. And I guarantee that none of these hundreds of thousands of exceptional cases ever had a parent that read some special book. Perhaps there is a pattern to how they were raised. If so, that empirical data is long lost to history. So how about this? Try being a human with your kids. Seems to have worked for the rest of history except the last few decades. Might be worth giving it a shot, right? There are plenty of people out there who will read the books for you. Take a look around on this thread. And they will be more than willing to provide you their special "insight" on your situation -- complete with guilt trips, moral bromides, and sing-a-long philosophies. You should get used to these folks anyway, because whatever you do they'll still be there providing you with their counsel. Whether you want it or not.
- rodrigo 19y ago
  I hear you, as youre a father, you came to see things differently, im surprised how many people dont act like humans around their kids! that say about common sense being the most uncommon of senses its true.
  - DanielBMarkham 19y ago
    As anecdotal evidence, some of the worst parents (in my opinion) are those who are committed to being something other than themselves. They try so hard! Whatever the book they're reading, they imitate it almost exactly. They preach it to other parents and they look down their noses at the poor uneducated who haven't found their superior knowledge. Until the day comes when they've had a bad week, the kid is grouchy, life is bad, etc. Then wham! You got some parent wailing on their child (either emotionally or with corporeal punishment) What does that teach children? Mommy's so inept she needs a book to tell her how to act, and in reality she can't hold it together? I'd much rather just be myself. If you get angry -- get angry. Kids have to learn to live with angry people from time to time. If you feel grumpy, be grumpy. Geesh. We act like we're raising kids to live in some kind of world that doesn't exist. It just seems way too easy to lose track of common sense, that's all.
sanj 19y ago
I was looked at like a freak when I mentioned this in my pre/post-natal class, but I got a lot out The Language Instinct, by Steven Pinker. Evolutionary neurobiology is a great way to think about skill acquisition in young children.
- whacked_new 19y ago
  Haha, unless something monstrous is going on, it would be a couple years, maybe more, before little kids can understand that book! By the way, what is this pre/post-natal class?
  - sanj 19y ago
    I was part of a very Cambridge nutty-crunch-granola class called "Hypnobirthing" run by the midwifery clinic we used. The pre- part was a lot of learning about the techniques and how to use them. The post- was a get together with lots of very young kids with parents talking about what worked and what didn't.
    - whacked_new 19y ago
      That actually seems like a fantastic class. Outside of the classroom, where would one get the same amount/quality of information? And, do you follow related research? Does it fit?
whacked_new 19y ago
Not a book recommendation, but I suggest playing classical music often :)
- rodrigo 19y ago
  We do that a lot! since pregnancy, in the afternoons, and while bathing her.
koolmoe 19y ago
I have a 15 mo girl. My wife read lots of books. I read a few. With a few exceptions, the books have been a waste of time and money. So many of the books in this genre have the feel of the Learn Blub in 21 Days line of programming books. Accept from the get-go that parenting is hard, there are no silver bullets, and you are going to spend a lot of time and energy if you want to do a good job, and filter anything you read from that perspective. Nevertheless, we did find some helpful books. The most useful books we have are a reference book given to us by our pediatrician and a book about baby sign language (The following link is to the revised edition, which is not the one we have, but it's cheaper on amazon http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Signs-Revised-Linda-Acredolo/dp/B0012F7UCI/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1204563699&sr=8-1 http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Signs-Revised-Linda-Acredolo/dp/B...). We went through a lot of "the book says" conversations early on, especially related to getting her to sleep. The thing to realize here is that it is up to you how to do it. There's a book out there that will support your position, and many of the books are contradictory. So, in the end, you'll end up having to decide what you think is right. The book many parents find useful is merely the one that reinforces their opinion, and they will use that book to appeal to authority in the passive-aggressive conversations that all new parents seem wont to have. I had trouble finding what I felt like were unbiased opinions on sleep in particular. This book: http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0345486455/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1204563964&sr=1-1 http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/03... was helpful, mostly because it more or less laid out three approaches and passed few, if any, value judgements on going to the baby vs. letting her cry herself to sleep. In the end, I decided I couldn't stand to let her cry, so we settled on developing a very predictable routine at bedtime, and it has worked well. We have had our bumpy patches, particularly during illnesses, teething, and major milestones, but in general my child looks forward to bedtime and naps. The sign language seems somewhat controversial among our peers, but we are in the less progressive southeastern US. The common fear is that it will retard speech. I just wanted to be able to communicate with my child, and it has made for a pleasant experience so far. She seems to be developing vocbulary at an above normal rate. I don't necessarily attribute that to signs, but it is at least one counterexample to the fear of significant speech retardation.
- pchristensen 19y ago
babo 19y ago
Just try to spend as much time with her as you can! The best is to take a deep breath and take full responsibility of your baby for a few hours, just two of you. This helps the create a very special relation between all three of you, while helping poor mum to recover a bit. We did it with our younger kid from the second month as my wife studied on each Saturday for 8 hours or more. From our experience this is a real booster. Be brave!
aggieben 19y ago
Baby Wise. I'd swear by 95% of it.
- pchristensen 19y ago
  I'd be curious which 5% you don't swear by.
  - aggieben 19y ago
    mostly CYA, because I can't remember all of it anymore. I do remember thinking "we'll do it a little differently than it says". There wasn't anything in the book that I can recall that I thought was completely wrong, though.
bayareaguy 19y ago
When my children were small, I found the Berkeley Parents Network[1] to be a good source of information. [1] http://parents.berkeley.edu http://parents.berkeley.edu

27 points by rodrigo 19y ago

Ive just had a baby girl, what do you, hacker moms and dads read about children? is there a place online to read interesting stuff? any deadtree books you recommend?

ixnu 19y ago

We have a 10 month old, a six, and eight y-o. Here are some books that have helped us: The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer (Paperback) by Harvey Karp Parenting Beyond Belief: On Raising Ethical, Caring Kids Without Religion by Dale McGowan

mhb 19y ago

I liked "Super Parents Super Children" (http://www.amazon.com/Super-Parents-Children-Frances-Kendall/dp/0929205006/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1204509907&sr=1-1 http://www.amazon.com/Super-Parents-Children-Frances-Kendall...) From their book description: Provides the libertarian answer to solving all your child-raising problems, based on self-discipline and freedom of choice.

greendestiny 19y ago
I definitely lean to towards free market solutions, but the more I see libertarianism defined as an ideology that applies in everything from market pricing to child raring the less I like it. Whoever called it the Marxism of the right was spot on when it comes to things like this. With an ideological framework you can define certain things to be true without reference to reality, and suddenly you're arguing that reality is failing to live up to your theory and not the other way round. Anything that claims to provide insight into a topic but uses an ideological lens to get there is fundamentally flawed.
curi 19y ago
libertarians frequently take positions like "I own the TV, so it's my decision if/when it will be used." How does this book handle that sort of issue? (Note: I am generally libertarian-oriented and this kind of position is often taken by people I otherwise respect.)
- mhb 19y ago
  Here are some quotes from the book which may provide more insight: "Children are rational and logical, and want to be happy, just as we do." "The only important difference between adults and children is experience." "The three main qualities you need to foster in your child's personality are independence, self-esteem and individuality." "In order to prevent your children from harming your belongings, you need to establish exactly what property belongs to whom in your home.... A working example would be to decide that your child's room, toys and clothes are his property."

ghiotion 19y ago

Man, just go with your gut. I've got two kids, 6 and 1.5 (both boys) and they're night and day different. The best advice is to listen to you instincts. You know your kids better than any one else. If it doesn't feel right, it ain't right. One caveat: ignore any advice that says you shouldn't get your kids vaccinated. The science doesn't hold up and, even if it did, it ignores the concept of relative risk (i.e. you're statistically more likely to be maimed by an uncontrolled case of measles than to get Autism from the MMR vaccine).

curi 19y ago
http://health.msn.com/kids-health/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100196272&GT1=31036 http://health.msn.com/kids-health/articlepage.aspx?cp-docume... That article says that 90% of American parents spank their toddlers. Whatever the real figure is, a lot of people's gut tells them that hitting their children is right. I agree with the sentiment that you shouldn't try to force some one-size-fits-all formula on your kids when it feels wrong. But we do need reason, frequently.
- ghiotion 19y ago
  Fair enough. However, I'm probably going to state what will be an unpopular opinion but one which is, I think, nevertheless true: spanking a child teaches a valuable lesson. I hardly ever do it, and I never do it as a punishment to be meted out later (as in, wait 'till your daddy gets home, then you're going to get it!). In the case where you've got a child who's prone to hit, I think it's reasonable to hit them back. Not with the same force, but it's a valuable lesson to learn that if you hit someone, you're going to get hit back. I don't want my kids to learn that they can physically intimate someone without consequence. Lacking that negative reinforcement, I _think_ you've got a bully in the making.
  - curi 19y ago
    The reason hitting people is bad is not that you will get hit back. That is one reason, but it's not the most important one, otherwise it'd be ok to hit defenseless people (like one's children). Hitting people is an ineffective way of life -- it is bad for yourself. When you cooperate, you both win. When you fight, at most one of you wins, and usually you both lose (even if you don't get hurt, peaceful people will now keep their distance). Fighting is also an irrational approach to conflict resolution. It makes no attempt to have the best idea implemented. Instead, it implements the idea of the physically strongest person. That is not a way to find the truth or to achieve good outcomes.

kirubakaran 19y ago

Congratulations!

curi 19y ago

I read http://www.takingchildrenseriously.com/ http://www.takingchildrenseriously.com/ and its email list. (Note: website not updated recently.) I also write about parenting. Try http://www.curi.us/archives/list_category/50 http://www.curi.us/archives/list_category/50 or http://www.curi.us/archives/list_category/6 http://www.curi.us/archives/list_category/6 It's not especially organized and other topics are mixed in. I also write to the email list above.

brlewis 19y ago

Read the Ferber sleep book. The details matter.

comatose_kid 19y ago
Seconded.
Alex3917 19y ago
I seem to remember Emotional Intelligence being strongly against ferberization. Not positive though. In any event I'd recommend taking a quick look through the relevant journal articles to make sure you aren't going to be stunting your children's emotional development.
curi 19y ago
The Ferber method involves leaving your child, alone, even if he's crying. And you do it for progressively longer periods of time no matter how unpleasant he finds it.
comatose_kid 19y ago
To all those who commented negatively on the book (and especially the person who voted me down): Have you actually read it? And have you tried the methods? I have read the book, and can vouch for its methods. Yes, the baby cries, and you have to let it cry. It's not easy. But after a while, the baby stops and goes to sleep. And after a few nights (it took mine ~3 nights, with less crying each night), they learn to fall asleep by themselves. Believe me, when you have a baby who needs its parents by its side for hours before going to sleep, you might view the book differently.
- curi 19y ago
  "don't object to making children cry until you've tried it"
pohart 19y ago
read "the no cry sleep solution" by Pantley, Sears it works, and you don't need to make your baby cry alone every night.

niels_olson 19y ago

I just spent four weeks on a pediatric neurology clerkship in medical school, and my wife is a pediatric occupational therapist. Throw away your TV. Just do it. After Katrina, when we evacuated to my parents' house, they'd just moved in themselves, the day before. We agreed to not hook up cable. My kids calmed down noticeably. No, remarkably. We watch, maybe, a movie or two a week. The DVD player broke, so they only watch those movies on a computer anyway. The TV hasn't been turned on in weeks. I now own a $5000 Ethan Allen box to hide a $500 TV box that I don't use. Just throw the boob tube away. What do you do with a livingroom that has no TV? Feng shui. My wife has started advising parents of kids with ADHD to get rid of their TVs. They're scared at first, but they do it. And in a few days or weeks they love her for it. The pediatric neurologists I was with last month think ADHD probably isn't even a legit diagnosis (psychiatric diagnoses are voted on). They very frankly told me they think it's mainly a combination of TV and bad parenting, which is on the rise thanks to TV and entirely too many double-income homes. And if you're questioning their politics, these folks are insanely smart and educated, and probably more liberal than Noam Chomsky, and I know at least one that raised four kids herself. In case you missed it: throw away the TV. All of them. For specific readings, go to PubMed's Entrez site and look up the author "Christakis DA". He's prolific, but his biggest newsmakers are some rather large studies showing dose-dependent correlations between TV and obesity, attention deficit, violence at school, and I think there was something else.

curi 19y ago
The arguments against TVs are very similar to the older arguments made against letting children have books.
- Olgaar 19y ago
  I'm not one to tell anyone how to raise their children (see arguements below about spanking, yikes). This is just my experience... take it or leave it YMMV. My son is only two, and we find that if we let him watch too much TV his behavior takes a dive... more tantrums, less respect/listening to me and mom. As an experiment, we unplugged the TV for several days and the results were immediate and dramatic. Since then, we try to limit his TV time even more so than before. The danger is that he enjoys it, and us parents enjoy the opportunity to take care of other projects around the house without interruption. So if we find the family slipping into TV reliance, we pull the plug for a couple days. Sometimes he's upset at first when he realizes it doesn't work, but he's over it in SECONDS and moves on to something else. I'm not going to bother guessing why this is the case, but our experience is very clear to us. My personal philosophy is all things in moderation. So if it makes him happy to watch the Wiggles or some old-school Fraggle Rock on DVD, he gets to. But it's the responsiblity of me and mom to keep it reasonable and keep the house a happy place for everyone.

merrick33 19y ago

As a father the best thing you can do after attending to your daughters immediate needs, is learn more about how to become the kind of father that your daughter needs. After reading the following book I feel better prepared and informed to be a better father. Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters (http://www.amazon.com/Strong-Fathers-Daughters-Secrets-Father/dp/1596980125 http://www.amazon.com/Strong-Fathers-Daughters-Secrets-Fathe...)

DanielBMarkham 19y ago

As a hacker and father of four (2 grown now) I've read this thread with interest. What books to read as a new dad? I wouldn't read any books. Or if you must read them, do so with a pinch of salt. Use your instinct. People in books will tell you all sorts of sounds-good things that rarely have any traction in the real world. It's like business tapes and self-help books: they know a bunch of people are out there looking for advice and they're going to pump your head full of something for your twenty bucks whether it works or not. I am going to try to make a simple observation that I hope is not too controversial. For all of those "I did X,Y, Z and it is so much better" folks, last I checked humans have been making little replacements for millions of years. These replacements have done all sorts of things like introduce philosophy, conquer sickness, sail the oceans, learn to fly, etc. And I guarantee that none of these hundreds of thousands of exceptional cases ever had a parent that read some special book. Perhaps there is a pattern to how they were raised. If so, that empirical data is long lost to history. So how about this? Try being a human with your kids. Seems to have worked for the rest of history except the last few decades. Might be worth giving it a shot, right? There are plenty of people out there who will read the books for you. Take a look around on this thread. And they will be more than willing to provide you their special "insight" on your situation -- complete with guilt trips, moral bromides, and sing-a-long philosophies. You should get used to these folks anyway, because whatever you do they'll still be there providing you with their counsel. Whether you want it or not.

rodrigo 19y ago
I hear you, as youre a father, you came to see things differently, im surprised how many people dont act like humans around their kids! that say about common sense being the most uncommon of senses its true.
- DanielBMarkham 19y ago
  As anecdotal evidence, some of the worst parents (in my opinion) are those who are committed to being something other than themselves. They try so hard! Whatever the book they're reading, they imitate it almost exactly. They preach it to other parents and they look down their noses at the poor uneducated who haven't found their superior knowledge. Until the day comes when they've had a bad week, the kid is grouchy, life is bad, etc. Then wham! You got some parent wailing on their child (either emotionally or with corporeal punishment) What does that teach children? Mommy's so inept she needs a book to tell her how to act, and in reality she can't hold it together? I'd much rather just be myself. If you get angry -- get angry. Kids have to learn to live with angry people from time to time. If you feel grumpy, be grumpy. Geesh. We act like we're raising kids to live in some kind of world that doesn't exist. It just seems way too easy to lose track of common sense, that's all.

sanj 19y ago

I was looked at like a freak when I mentioned this in my pre/post-natal class, but I got a lot out The Language Instinct, by Steven Pinker. Evolutionary neurobiology is a great way to think about skill acquisition in young children.

whacked_new 19y ago
Haha, unless something monstrous is going on, it would be a couple years, maybe more, before little kids can understand that book! By the way, what is this pre/post-natal class?
- sanj 19y ago
  I was part of a very Cambridge nutty-crunch-granola class called "Hypnobirthing" run by the midwifery clinic we used. The pre- part was a lot of learning about the techniques and how to use them. The post- was a get together with lots of very young kids with parents talking about what worked and what didn't.
  - whacked_new 19y ago
    That actually seems like a fantastic class. Outside of the classroom, where would one get the same amount/quality of information? And, do you follow related research? Does it fit?

whacked_new 19y ago

Not a book recommendation, but I suggest playing classical music often :)

rodrigo 19y ago
We do that a lot! since pregnancy, in the afternoons, and while bathing her.

koolmoe 19y ago

I have a 15 mo girl. My wife read lots of books. I read a few. With a few exceptions, the books have been a waste of time and money. So many of the books in this genre have the feel of the Learn Blub in 21 Days line of programming books. Accept from the get-go that parenting is hard, there are no silver bullets, and you are going to spend a lot of time and energy if you want to do a good job, and filter anything you read from that perspective. Nevertheless, we did find some helpful books. The most useful books we have are a reference book given to us by our pediatrician and a book about baby sign language (The following link is to the revised edition, which is not the one we have, but it's cheaper on amazon http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Signs-Revised-Linda-Acredolo/dp/B0012F7UCI/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1204563699&sr=8-1 http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Signs-Revised-Linda-Acredolo/dp/B...). We went through a lot of "the book says" conversations early on, especially related to getting her to sleep. The thing to realize here is that it is up to you how to do it. There's a book out there that will support your position, and many of the books are contradictory. So, in the end, you'll end up having to decide what you think is right. The book many parents find useful is merely the one that reinforces their opinion, and they will use that book to appeal to authority in the passive-aggressive conversations that all new parents seem wont to have. I had trouble finding what I felt like were unbiased opinions on sleep in particular. This book: http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0345486455/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1204563964&sr=1-1 http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/03... was helpful, mostly because it more or less laid out three approaches and passed few, if any, value judgements on going to the baby vs. letting her cry herself to sleep. In the end, I decided I couldn't stand to let her cry, so we settled on developing a very predictable routine at bedtime, and it has worked well. We have had our bumpy patches, particularly during illnesses, teething, and major milestones, but in general my child looks forward to bedtime and naps. The sign language seems somewhat controversial among our peers, but we are in the less progressive southeastern US. The common fear is that it will retard speech. I just wanted to be able to communicate with my child, and it has made for a pleasant experience so far. She seems to be developing vocbulary at an above normal rate. I don't necessarily attribute that to signs, but it is at least one counterexample to the fear of significant speech retardation.

pchristensen 19y ago

babo 19y ago

Just try to spend as much time with her as you can! The best is to take a deep breath and take full responsibility of your baby for a few hours, just two of you. This helps the create a very special relation between all three of you, while helping poor mum to recover a bit. We did it with our younger kid from the second month as my wife studied on each Saturday for 8 hours or more. From our experience this is a real booster. Be brave!

aggieben 19y ago

Baby Wise. I'd swear by 95% of it.

pchristensen 19y ago
I'd be curious which 5% you don't swear by.
- aggieben 19y ago
  mostly CYA, because I can't remember all of it anymore. I do remember thinking "we'll do it a little differently than it says". There wasn't anything in the book that I can recall that I thought was completely wrong, though.

bayareaguy 19y ago

When my children were small, I found the Berkeley Parents Network[1] to be a good source of information. [1] http://parents.berkeley.edu http://parents.berkeley.edu