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> In 2003, scholars from the University of South Carolina looked at the impact of being nice on perceived male attractiveness. They recruited 194 female volunte

> In 2003, scholars from the University of South Carolina looked at the impact of being nice on perceived male attractiveness. They recruited 194 female volunteers to participate in a mock dating game in which they had to pick between two men, Todd and Mike. The researchers varied Todd’s levels of handsomeness and “niceness” while keeping Mike’s personality and looks constant and neutral. This sounds like a bullshit experiment. I seriously doubt the researchers managed to capture the effective kind of cocky/jerk behavior that works well with some women. Additionally, they're measuring self-reported opinions from women, rather than what the real-world result would be. I say this without any sort of negativity attached to it, but women often say they feel one thing while acting as though they feel another, especially as it pertains to their relationships with men. Again, I don't think this is a negative trait, it just is what it is. I see men all the time acting less than gentlemanly towards women and having the woman verbally shooting him down, but still going home to sleep with him. It's so predictable when done right.

sunny16 10y ago
Just want to clarify something here- I think guys too often assume that the "jerk" part of "cocky jerk" is somehow a key component of getting the girl. It's not. The confidence is the important part. A confident, nice guy has just as much of a chance with a girl as a confident, mean guy. I would argue he has a better chance. The term "Nice Guy" describes a guy who thinks he is being "gentlemanly" when really he's just being shy. I think it's important to distinguish kindness from confidence, lest we all start treating women poorly in an effort to get them to sleep with us.
- whenwillitstop 10y ago
  Not true, being a jerk works
  - tormeh 10y ago
    It does with certain personality types. Read about attachment styles. I would suggest not going after those people unless they can compensate for it. Anyway, one might overestimate the amount of jerks in this world out of jealousy of those who are more confident.
- whamlastxmas 10y ago
  I disagree to some extent. Men who are successful at being jerks are successful because they're confident. A man can be confident and not a jerk, and the reaction will for some women also be effective, but the reaction will definitely be different. It depends on what the woman is looking for. If she's looking for excitement and something casual, I think the evidence shows that being a jerk is a lot more effective. If she wants a husband, being nice is a lot more effective. But for the most part, you're not going to have much success at cold-openings with women by trying to appeal to their desire to find a husband. Being "a jerk" to a woman signals that you don't especially value her. It puts her in a frame of mind that you yourself must be valuable to not value her or fawn over her like lots of men do. It makes her chase you instead of you chasing her (which is boring because women get that all the time). Confidence is what makes it work, but I don't think it's the confidence alone.
  - NegatioN 10y ago
    Since we're now wandering in to "pick-up artist" territory, it is actually often argued that "coming from a place of abundance" is one of the key factors. In other words, you like hanging out with the woman, and you will entertain her and yourself by being yourself. However you will not do any of these things from an ulterior motive of taking her home, you simply take actions guiding the outcome towards that if you feel like it. Otherwise you are perfectly content to enjoy the moment, as it is. And if it doesn't work out, you're perfectly fine with that as well. Your mental state is undamaged, and you're not signaling lack of value because you fall into desperation when "the only woman" (the one you worked so hard for!) you're with is leaving. I would argue (probably strongly influenced by others, RSDTyler mainly [1]), that it is easier to be "false confident" as a "jerk", and signal abundance in that way, than to have true confidence based in the actions you take every day, and the life that you live. That is why we've seen this stereotype of the jerk getting the girl. However this jerk might not be a good fit for a relationship (and neither is the "nice guy" sucking up to the girl with an ulterior motive), as they will not be able to stay centered and confident over a longer period of time. However it is probably easier to detect the "nice guy" and weed him out, than the jerk, as that more closely resembles true confidence. Interestingly enough, having true confidence means you kinda come full-circle and end up being a person with clearly defined boundries and probably a clear driving force in your life. Thereby turning into a more interesting person, and a better "mating partner". Interesting sources: https://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Spiritual-Challenges/dp/1591792576 https://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Spiritual-Challenges... https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty-ebook/dp/B005EOTH24 https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty-... [1]: https://www.youtube.com/user/RSDTyler https://www.youtube.com/user/RSDTyler [2]: The most engaged, but least attached: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWaDDCjuM0w https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWaDDCjuM0w
- pmoriarty 10y ago
  Yours and the comment you're replying to sound so reductive. People are different. They like other people for lots of different reasons that can't be reduced to a single trait or even a handful of traits. There are 7 billion people on this planet, and you are both generalizing this stuff to the moon.
  - oldmanjay 10y ago
    Neither parent comment even insinuated that what they said applied to all people. You're seeing phantom generalizations.
  - whamlastxmas 10y ago
    I made a point to qualify everything I said. "some women", "women often say", "all the time" (instead of every time), "predictable" There are 7 billion people, and even if it's 7 billion unique snowflakes, they're still all snowflakes. We're more alike than we are different. This is especially true when you boil it down to young, unmarried, childless, American women who are social and go to places where they can meet men. These are the women whose opinion on a man's approach matter the most in the context of dating advice. Sure, these women are all unique in their own ways, but they are not very unique in what they find attractive in men.
- antisthenes 10y ago
  Confidence and attractiveness. I sincerely doubt the researchers were being able to replicate attractiveness before the experiment took place.
- Kurimo 10y ago
  The "Confident Jerk" gets the girl mythos comes from men who are just plain jerks but believe themselves to be nice. When confronted with rejection from women, they rely on this mythos to displace blame for their own behavior onto the woman instead. "It's not me, it's a lack of judgement in her gender!" That very thought in and of itself defines one as a jerk, imo. Of course people like and prefer to be around nice people.
kingkawn 10y ago
You sound really bitter
- whamlastxmas 10y ago
  Not at all. I'm one of those jerks. I comment on it from a third person perspective because otherwise it sounds like a humble brag.
  - kingkawn 10y ago
    Hilarious then that this is your imagined perspective of people who dislike you
pastProlog 10y ago
> the effective kind of cocky/jerk behavior that works well with some women Some guys come to think that they are not cocky/jerky, but other guys are, and that this behavior "works well with some women". It's odd to me how they can think this, although it's odd to me people have religious or other irrational beliefs. An attractive man can be so attractive that he can be cocky or a jerk and yet still be attractive. It is that simple. If a man is less attractive, if he is a jerk that makes him even less attractive. Let us say for the sake of argument that Dan Bilzerian acts like a jerk towards women. He is still a famous, fit, young millionaire. So that can be seen as one minus among a number of pluses. Perhaps another guy is unknown, very overweight, ten years older and broke. He acts nice, but gets little response, then sees Dan be a jerk, yet still be attractive. The reaction to this is not, "maybe I should work out and get fit" or "maybe I should work and make money", but "maybe I should be a jerk instead of being nice". Sorry, adding one more negative attribute to your pile of negative attributes is not going to help. Attractive guys are attractive despite the ability to be a jerk, not because of it. I mean, Michael Jordan or Muhammad Ali might be cocky before a match, but they could back it up with skill. Them talking trash before some matches is not what is central to their ability. It's an outgrowth of it. The crummiest player can talk trash before a match too. I guess if a guy is unattractive, it's more comforting for him to think it is not because he out of shape or narcissitic or broke or unsocial or uptight, but it's because he's too nice and too great of a guy. It's surely one of the roots of this bizarre idea that girls don't want someone nice, they want a jerk. Actually, they want someone so attractive that girls still want them even if they act like a jerk.
- whamlastxmas 10y ago
  >It's surely one of the roots of this bizarre idea that girls don't want someone nice, they want a jerk. You're entitled to your opinion, and your opinion is based on your experiences. You don't really say what your experiences are so it's hard to discuss where I think you're thought process is wrong. If you take the adjective "jerk" literally then yeah you're right, it's not very effective. When I say "jerk" I say it tongue in cheek, because that's how men describe it when they're passive push-overs without any confidence to do anything other than be entirely submissive to women. Being a "jerk" is: independence, confidence, aloofness towards incoming negativity, tenacity in facing superficial barriers, and a healthy lack of ego while maintaining a sense of self-worth. People who lack these attributes have their self-esteem threatened when they see others who have it, hence the reason they look like "jerks" even though that's a list of great personality traits. Also something worth mentioning: women want both. They want a jerk and they want a nice guy. They want to date the jerk but marry the nice guy. The problem is a single man struggles to be both. This means you have women who are unhappy that their jerk boyfriend won't commit, or they're unhappy because they're sexually unattracted to their nice husband despite how good he is with the kids. This is of course a huge hyperbole and generalization, and there are plenty of marriages where a man provides both roles just fine. My point is that lots of women want both roles, but it's hard to find both in a single man.

sunny16 10y ago

Just want to clarify something here- I think guys too often assume that the "jerk" part of "cocky jerk" is somehow a key component of getting the girl. It's not. The confidence is the important part. A confident, nice guy has just as much of a chance with a girl as a confident, mean guy. I would argue he has a better chance. The term "Nice Guy" describes a guy who thinks he is being "gentlemanly" when really he's just being shy. I think it's important to distinguish kindness from confidence, lest we all start treating women poorly in an effort to get them to sleep with us.

whenwillitstop 10y ago
Not true, being a jerk works
- tormeh 10y ago
  It does with certain personality types. Read about attachment styles. I would suggest not going after those people unless they can compensate for it. Anyway, one might overestimate the amount of jerks in this world out of jealousy of those who are more confident.
whamlastxmas 10y ago
I disagree to some extent. Men who are successful at being jerks are successful because they're confident. A man can be confident and not a jerk, and the reaction will for some women also be effective, but the reaction will definitely be different. It depends on what the woman is looking for. If she's looking for excitement and something casual, I think the evidence shows that being a jerk is a lot more effective. If she wants a husband, being nice is a lot more effective. But for the most part, you're not going to have much success at cold-openings with women by trying to appeal to their desire to find a husband. Being "a jerk" to a woman signals that you don't especially value her. It puts her in a frame of mind that you yourself must be valuable to not value her or fawn over her like lots of men do. It makes her chase you instead of you chasing her (which is boring because women get that all the time). Confidence is what makes it work, but I don't think it's the confidence alone.
- NegatioN 10y ago
  Since we're now wandering in to "pick-up artist" territory, it is actually often argued that "coming from a place of abundance" is one of the key factors. In other words, you like hanging out with the woman, and you will entertain her and yourself by being yourself. However you will not do any of these things from an ulterior motive of taking her home, you simply take actions guiding the outcome towards that if you feel like it. Otherwise you are perfectly content to enjoy the moment, as it is. And if it doesn't work out, you're perfectly fine with that as well. Your mental state is undamaged, and you're not signaling lack of value because you fall into desperation when "the only woman" (the one you worked so hard for!) you're with is leaving. I would argue (probably strongly influenced by others, RSDTyler mainly [1]), that it is easier to be "false confident" as a "jerk", and signal abundance in that way, than to have true confidence based in the actions you take every day, and the life that you live. That is why we've seen this stereotype of the jerk getting the girl. However this jerk might not be a good fit for a relationship (and neither is the "nice guy" sucking up to the girl with an ulterior motive), as they will not be able to stay centered and confident over a longer period of time. However it is probably easier to detect the "nice guy" and weed him out, than the jerk, as that more closely resembles true confidence. Interestingly enough, having true confidence means you kinda come full-circle and end up being a person with clearly defined boundries and probably a clear driving force in your life. Thereby turning into a more interesting person, and a better "mating partner". Interesting sources: https://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Spiritual-Challenges/dp/1591792576 https://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Spiritual-Challenges... https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty-ebook/dp/B005EOTH24 https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty-... [1]: https://www.youtube.com/user/RSDTyler https://www.youtube.com/user/RSDTyler [2]: The most engaged, but least attached: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWaDDCjuM0w https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWaDDCjuM0w
pmoriarty 10y ago
Yours and the comment you're replying to sound so reductive. People are different. They like other people for lots of different reasons that can't be reduced to a single trait or even a handful of traits. There are 7 billion people on this planet, and you are both generalizing this stuff to the moon.
- oldmanjay 10y ago
  Neither parent comment even insinuated that what they said applied to all people. You're seeing phantom generalizations.
- whamlastxmas 10y ago
  I made a point to qualify everything I said. "some women", "women often say", "all the time" (instead of every time), "predictable" There are 7 billion people, and even if it's 7 billion unique snowflakes, they're still all snowflakes. We're more alike than we are different. This is especially true when you boil it down to young, unmarried, childless, American women who are social and go to places where they can meet men. These are the women whose opinion on a man's approach matter the most in the context of dating advice. Sure, these women are all unique in their own ways, but they are not very unique in what they find attractive in men.
antisthenes 10y ago
Confidence and attractiveness. I sincerely doubt the researchers were being able to replicate attractiveness before the experiment took place.
Kurimo 10y ago
The "Confident Jerk" gets the girl mythos comes from men who are just plain jerks but believe themselves to be nice. When confronted with rejection from women, they rely on this mythos to displace blame for their own behavior onto the woman instead. "It's not me, it's a lack of judgement in her gender!" That very thought in and of itself defines one as a jerk, imo. Of course people like and prefer to be around nice people.

kingkawn 10y ago

You sound really bitter

whamlastxmas 10y ago
Not at all. I'm one of those jerks. I comment on it from a third person perspective because otherwise it sounds like a humble brag.
- kingkawn 10y ago
  Hilarious then that this is your imagined perspective of people who dislike you

pastProlog 10y ago

> the effective kind of cocky/jerk behavior that works well with some women Some guys come to think that they are not cocky/jerky, but other guys are, and that this behavior "works well with some women". It's odd to me how they can think this, although it's odd to me people have religious or other irrational beliefs. An attractive man can be so attractive that he can be cocky or a jerk and yet still be attractive. It is that simple. If a man is less attractive, if he is a jerk that makes him even less attractive. Let us say for the sake of argument that Dan Bilzerian acts like a jerk towards women. He is still a famous, fit, young millionaire. So that can be seen as one minus among a number of pluses. Perhaps another guy is unknown, very overweight, ten years older and broke. He acts nice, but gets little response, then sees Dan be a jerk, yet still be attractive. The reaction to this is not, "maybe I should work out and get fit" or "maybe I should work and make money", but "maybe I should be a jerk instead of being nice". Sorry, adding one more negative attribute to your pile of negative attributes is not going to help. Attractive guys are attractive despite the ability to be a jerk, not because of it. I mean, Michael Jordan or Muhammad Ali might be cocky before a match, but they could back it up with skill. Them talking trash before some matches is not what is central to their ability. It's an outgrowth of it. The crummiest player can talk trash before a match too. I guess if a guy is unattractive, it's more comforting for him to think it is not because he out of shape or narcissitic or broke or unsocial or uptight, but it's because he's too nice and too great of a guy. It's surely one of the roots of this bizarre idea that girls don't want someone nice, they want a jerk. Actually, they want someone so attractive that girls still want them even if they act like a jerk.

whamlastxmas 10y ago
>It's surely one of the roots of this bizarre idea that girls don't want someone nice, they want a jerk. You're entitled to your opinion, and your opinion is based on your experiences. You don't really say what your experiences are so it's hard to discuss where I think you're thought process is wrong. If you take the adjective "jerk" literally then yeah you're right, it's not very effective. When I say "jerk" I say it tongue in cheek, because that's how men describe it when they're passive push-overs without any confidence to do anything other than be entirely submissive to women. Being a "jerk" is: independence, confidence, aloofness towards incoming negativity, tenacity in facing superficial barriers, and a healthy lack of ego while maintaining a sense of self-worth. People who lack these attributes have their self-esteem threatened when they see others who have it, hence the reason they look like "jerks" even though that's a list of great personality traits. Also something worth mentioning: women want both. They want a jerk and they want a nice guy. They want to date the jerk but marry the nice guy. The problem is a single man struggles to be both. This means you have women who are unhappy that their jerk boyfriend won't commit, or they're unhappy because they're sexually unattracted to their nice husband despite how good he is with the kids. This is of course a huge hyperbole and generalization, and there are plenty of marriages where a man provides both roles just fine. My point is that lots of women want both roles, but it's hard to find both in a single man.