It sounds like you have zero confidence in your development skills. And the fear of failure is ironically what's making you fail. Maybe contribute to an open s

It sounds like you have zero confidence in your development skills. And the fear of failure is ironically what's making you fail. Maybe contribute to an open source project or start your own? Are you sure development is something you actually want to do? If you're sure then go to a site like upwork.com and start small, doing small jobs, it'll give you confidence. Don't worry about holes in your resume, most employers couldn't care less, you can just say you were freelancing during that time, and put your friends down as references.