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Men in modern society, and especially in Silicon Valley tend to be more emasculated. There is no need to throw off women, what is needed is knowing what you re

by bcheung 10y ago

Men in modern society, and especially in Silicon Valley tend to be more emasculated. There is no need to throw off women, what is needed is knowing what you really want, knowing your boundaries and having the courage to stick to it. If you don't want to have a long term relationship and just want something casual, to see multiple people, etc, then that is something you need to communicate and not cave into a relationship that you don't really want and waste everyone's time in a relationship that isn't really what you want. Men often think that they need to fit into some "feminist" ideal (the man hating kind, not the equality kind). Who wants to be in a relationship with someone who hates themselves? Too many men are approaching relationships from the "feminist" rulebook. That's a recipe for failure. The solution is not to simply avoid women, it's to be honest with yourself about what you want and not put yourself in situations where you compromise your integrity.

matt4077 10y ago
Too many have a terribly distorted view of "the feminist rulebook". Among them the idea that women are dead-set on monogamous, till-death-do-us-part relationships. If you're into open relationships or poly or whatever you want to call it, you may be surprised to find that there is any number of women sharing your conviction. It's just rarely visible because it's not among the approved topics for light dinner conversation. What usually doesn't work is to convince people of that idea. You can maybe bring it up and there's chance if they have never considered it before, but jealousy seems to be, from my experience, a rather fundamental emotion and while you can pressure some people into an open relationship, you're going to make them and yourself miserable. I've also seem men who convinced their girlfriends and ended up regretting it when they embraced it and got a lot more use out of it than their bfs. Now if, for some reason, you expect to find a 20-year old beauty queen who'll stay at home and make breakfast for you when you come home and congratulate you on that night's conquest... That's not going to work, I'm sorry. I don't even get that idea, though. It's beyond me how you could enjoy the company of someone who apparently has no interests in life except baking and babies.
Icedcool 10y ago
I agree with you, in that there seems to be a.... lack of quality role models and certain cultural norms that play into men feeling like they have to be a certain way. Especially a very loud minority of women, who have certain men wanting to live up to those standards... and find themselves miserable as a result. I think the biggest point of this is that, it is possible to get what you want, and there are others who want that. And generally that if it is a quality point it is applicable to both genders. To be happy and get what they want, people need to be clear on what it is they DO want. To have a successful relationship, people need to have good boundaries and know where they are willing to compromise. etc etc... Women aren't the oppressors... or... whatever else. It is a person's agreement (because they don't know any other options) to be oppressed that is the real oppression. That they limit themselves.

by bcheung 10y ago

matt4077 10y ago

Too many have a terribly distorted view of "the feminist rulebook". Among them the idea that women are dead-set on monogamous, till-death-do-us-part relationships. If you're into open relationships or poly or whatever you want to call it, you may be surprised to find that there is any number of women sharing your conviction. It's just rarely visible because it's not among the approved topics for light dinner conversation. What usually doesn't work is to convince people of that idea. You can maybe bring it up and there's chance if they have never considered it before, but jealousy seems to be, from my experience, a rather fundamental emotion and while you can pressure some people into an open relationship, you're going to make them and yourself miserable. I've also seem men who convinced their girlfriends and ended up regretting it when they embraced it and got a lot more use out of it than their bfs. Now if, for some reason, you expect to find a 20-year old beauty queen who'll stay at home and make breakfast for you when you come home and congratulate you on that night's conquest... That's not going to work, I'm sorry. I don't even get that idea, though. It's beyond me how you could enjoy the company of someone who apparently has no interests in life except baking and babies.

Icedcool 10y ago

I agree with you, in that there seems to be a.... lack of quality role models and certain cultural norms that play into men feeling like they have to be a certain way. Especially a very loud minority of women, who have certain men wanting to live up to those standards... and find themselves miserable as a result. I think the biggest point of this is that, it is possible to get what you want, and there are others who want that. And generally that if it is a quality point it is applicable to both genders. To be happy and get what they want, people need to be clear on what it is they DO want. To have a successful relationship, people need to have good boundaries and know where they are willing to compromise. etc etc... Women aren't the oppressors... or... whatever else. It is a person's agreement (because they don't know any other options) to be oppressed that is the real oppression. That they limit themselves.