2 ms·

I thought it flowed very nicely and had a thoughtful, conversational tone. Taken farther, your desire for concision would eventually bring us to a list of Powe

by adriand 17y ago

I thought it flowed very nicely and had a thoughtful, conversational tone. Taken farther, your desire for concision would eventually bring us to a list of Powerpoint bullets. This style of writing and speaking encourages reflection. When he says "One might speculate", his audience is encouraged to speculate themselves, to question his point, or to ponder if there are perhaps other reasons for why people play. Your revised sentence is dry and scientific, it says, "here's why, period, no need to keep thinking about it."

jshen 17y ago
what did the howard zinn paragraphs add that justified the space? How many paragraphs did it take to even get to farmville?
- c0riander 17y ago
  The beginning of the essay makes it clear that "This essay was given as a talk at SUNY Buffalo, 28 January 2010, the day after Howard Zinn’s death. I have left the text unaltered, to better reflect the spirit of the talk." So to the audience at the time, the paragraphs were a timely hook that contextualized the idea within a relevant current event. Also, though they're not as well integrated as they could be (perhaps we can forgive the author that one, given that the talk was the day after Zinn's death, so it was a pretty quick addition I'm guessing), they tie back into the overall idea that a democratic society suffers from this kind of gameplay.
  - jshen 17y ago
    I understand, and I'm not trying to be a hard ass. It's just that the internet has caused a giant flood of information, and one way I'm trying to cope is to prefer/choose concise and efficient expression. This means that I tend to stop reading or watching if a piece of content seems to take a while to get to the core of it's point.
apphacker 17y ago
It was ridiculous. If someone wants to encourage reflection they should simply say that instead of inundate their writing with unnecessary words. Words are meant to convey information, and what interests me as a reader are not thoughtful conversational tones. I prefer an executive summary with the option to delve deeper into areas I find interesting. This instead read like a freshman's first English Literature essay.

by adriand 17y ago

jshen 17y ago

what did the howard zinn paragraphs add that justified the space? How many paragraphs did it take to even get to farmville?

c0riander 17y ago
The beginning of the essay makes it clear that "This essay was given as a talk at SUNY Buffalo, 28 January 2010, the day after Howard Zinn’s death. I have left the text unaltered, to better reflect the spirit of the talk." So to the audience at the time, the paragraphs were a timely hook that contextualized the idea within a relevant current event. Also, though they're not as well integrated as they could be (perhaps we can forgive the author that one, given that the talk was the day after Zinn's death, so it was a pretty quick addition I'm guessing), they tie back into the overall idea that a democratic society suffers from this kind of gameplay.
- jshen 17y ago
  I understand, and I'm not trying to be a hard ass. It's just that the internet has caused a giant flood of information, and one way I'm trying to cope is to prefer/choose concise and efficient expression. This means that I tend to stop reading or watching if a piece of content seems to take a while to get to the core of it's point.

apphacker 17y ago

It was ridiculous. If someone wants to encourage reflection they should simply say that instead of inundate their writing with unnecessary words. Words are meant to convey information, and what interests me as a reader are not thoughtful conversational tones. I prefer an executive summary with the option to delve deeper into areas I find interesting. This instead read like a freshman's first English Literature essay.