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This post is very timely. Recently I developed some type of "learned helplessness" where I felt that shitty situations were being thrust upon me and I was drown
by sthatipamala 10y ago
This post is very timely. Recently I developed some type of "learned helplessness" where I felt that shitty situations were being thrust upon me and I was drowning. What I was missing is that I had a lot of agency over these situations. I could have declined meetings, asked for help, missed deadlines, or risked disappointing whoever was requesting something from me.
Being angry and resentful didn't solve anything. So instead I asked myself "if I don't do this thing I don't like, what's the worst that will happen?". The answer most of the time turned out to be... "nothing."
What remained was what I chose and those things were worth doing whole-heartedly.
- apatters 10y agoDid you try making a demonstration of anger at the parties who were thrusting these things upon you? This actually can be the correct course of action sometimes.
- adrianratnapala 10y agoThis might work, but as human beings we often have better options. If you just cooly explain why you a request is unreasonable, then that acts as a rebuke to the requester. And it is one that can't be just dismissed as "ahh, she's on the rag".
- ptero 10y agoThis. Not always, but not infrequently, either. Demonstration of anger can be mild, but it should clearly show pushback. There are many cases when we are being asked to do things that the person requesting them knows are not realistic. If one is being asked to do three things that are estimated as week long each in a week plus something else a "man, how can I do this? I cannot work 24 hour days" may be all it takes.