4 ms·

I feel like a complete failure at "adulting" too. Then again, I don't want to succeed at it. I'm not done having fun. Same goes for nearly all of my friends. I'

I feel like a complete failure at "adulting" too. Then again, I don't want to succeed at it. I'm not done having fun. Same goes for nearly all of my friends. I've lost both parents, and had kids, and I get on with the kids in a way I doubt my parents could have conceived of. I want to feel they're friends until I drop. By my age my parents were fully paid up members of middle age and led dull lives, as all their generation seemed to. They were very different people to how they described their 20s. I still recognise the me of my 20s. I'm not even becoming more conservative, I've got more liberal except in clothes! What possible reason is there to grow up? I see no benefit to it, for anyone.

rsync 10y ago
"What possible reason is there to grow up? I see no benefit to it, for anyone." The reason would be a time horizon for your family that is greater than one (or zero) generations. If your family, as a cohesive and architected entity, is just something that you do in your own lifespan for your own happiness or fulfillment, then there may indeed be no reason for you to "grow up". Perhaps a friendly, peer relationship to your children is a good model. It probably doesn't make much difference. Speaking of your parents, they were probably caught in a weird no-mans-land between very traditional narratives of family planning and growth and our own very modern, dis-integrated narrative. It may interest you to know that the longer you push out the arc of the timeline of your family, the more it becomes necessary to "behave like an adult". It may also interest you to know that no project could be as complex, intricate, risky and fulfilling as transforming a union between one man and one woman into a heirarchical, muti-generational enterprise. Odds are very good that I will fail at this.
- anexprogrammer 10y ago
  Hm. Interesting post, not a perspective I've seen in quite those terms before. Time horizon is that of the kids, and they've been priority, certainly until they get out of education. Only one is still to come of age, so friendly works, earlier it was more parental. Neither of us wanted to repeat our discipline first childhoods. You may be right, there was huge change in their lifetimes. The last part sounds more like building a dynasty. If the proceeds of a startup were in the bank perhaps, but I'd still hope to retain a sense of enjoyment for the kids and us! We'll get them through uni, leave a useful amount, but not anything worthy of family trust.
lmm 10y ago
I've become more conservative because, to put it bluntly, I'm closer to death now. I've done my experimentation, I know myself pretty well now, I know what I like and what I don't. So my life is dull in the sense that I'll likely do the same things every weekend, eat in the same restaurants, go to the same places on holiday (likely on my home continent, perhaps even my home country) and so on.
- khoury 10y ago
  So the closer to death you are, the less you explore what is left for you to explore in this world. Do you just not feel like you have the energy in finding new things to like or experience anymore because you don't think there is anything left, or is it just that you feel 'fed up' with new experiences since younger days? I'm just curious.
  - lmm 10y ago
    I think "new experiences" has diminishing returns like anything else. E.g. I could go to a new art gallery and that would be a new experience on one level - but I've been to quite a few art galleries, so I have a good sense of what going to an art gallery is like in general, and also I know that my favourite is pretty good, so it would be better to go back there. I could try a new sport, but I've played plenty of sports already - and a new sport is less likely to be more fun than my current favourite.
  - trentmb 10y ago
    The novelty of novelty wears off.
    - yen223 10y ago
      The more I travel, the more I realize people and cities everywhere are more alike than different.
      - anexprogrammer 10y ago
        That may in part be the net and globalisation. I saw more differences travelling in the 90s than I do today.

rsync 10y ago

"What possible reason is there to grow up? I see no benefit to it, for anyone." The reason would be a time horizon for your family that is greater than one (or zero) generations. If your family, as a cohesive and architected entity, is just something that you do in your own lifespan for your own happiness or fulfillment, then there may indeed be no reason for you to "grow up". Perhaps a friendly, peer relationship to your children is a good model. It probably doesn't make much difference. Speaking of your parents, they were probably caught in a weird no-mans-land between very traditional narratives of family planning and growth and our own very modern, dis-integrated narrative. It may interest you to know that the longer you push out the arc of the timeline of your family, the more it becomes necessary to "behave like an adult". It may also interest you to know that no project could be as complex, intricate, risky and fulfilling as transforming a union between one man and one woman into a heirarchical, muti-generational enterprise. Odds are very good that I will fail at this.

anexprogrammer 10y ago
Hm. Interesting post, not a perspective I've seen in quite those terms before. Time horizon is that of the kids, and they've been priority, certainly until they get out of education. Only one is still to come of age, so friendly works, earlier it was more parental. Neither of us wanted to repeat our discipline first childhoods. You may be right, there was huge change in their lifetimes. The last part sounds more like building a dynasty. If the proceeds of a startup were in the bank perhaps, but I'd still hope to retain a sense of enjoyment for the kids and us! We'll get them through uni, leave a useful amount, but not anything worthy of family trust.

lmm 10y ago

I've become more conservative because, to put it bluntly, I'm closer to death now. I've done my experimentation, I know myself pretty well now, I know what I like and what I don't. So my life is dull in the sense that I'll likely do the same things every weekend, eat in the same restaurants, go to the same places on holiday (likely on my home continent, perhaps even my home country) and so on.

khoury 10y ago
So the closer to death you are, the less you explore what is left for you to explore in this world. Do you just not feel like you have the energy in finding new things to like or experience anymore because you don't think there is anything left, or is it just that you feel 'fed up' with new experiences since younger days? I'm just curious.
- lmm 10y ago
  I think "new experiences" has diminishing returns like anything else. E.g. I could go to a new art gallery and that would be a new experience on one level - but I've been to quite a few art galleries, so I have a good sense of what going to an art gallery is like in general, and also I know that my favourite is pretty good, so it would be better to go back there. I could try a new sport, but I've played plenty of sports already - and a new sport is less likely to be more fun than my current favourite.
- trentmb 10y ago
  The novelty of novelty wears off.
  - yen223 10y ago
    The more I travel, the more I realize people and cities everywhere are more alike than different.
    - anexprogrammer 10y ago
      That may in part be the net and globalisation. I saw more differences travelling in the 90s than I do today.