I have found that difficult people are a function of both themselves and the environment they’re in, and you can’t necessarily say “be kind” without fixing the

I have found that difficult people are a function of both themselves and the environment they’re in, and you can’t necessarily say “be kind” without fixing the 2nd part. The level of stress matters a lot. If a team is being run in a standard “everyday crisis” mode, they quickly reach the point where there is very little they can take. Every tiny mistake wears people down, reminding them of how much more there is to do, and turning them sour. Managers seem to panic and cut into their team’s time even more by starting to have long, daily meetings to “fix” things. If you want “nice” people, you have to set them up for success. Reward completing the whole chain, not just hacking away (e.g. for software, not just coding but also testing, documentation, and seeking peer review). Keep meetings to a minimum. No overtime. When short-cuts were taken to meet hard deadlines, open up your schedule and scribble in the exact window after the deadline where you will stop everything and clean up the mess that the short-cut created. Give your people the best equipment that money can buy. And so on.