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In which case angrily confronting that person would further justify their ill will towards you and strengthen their resolve to sabotage you. How is that product

In which case angrily confronting that person would further justify their ill will towards you and strengthen their resolve to sabotage you. How is that productive or tactful?

77pt77 10y ago
And becoming passive implies the message that you're a pushover to whom anything can be done because there will never be nefarious consequences. To those people the mindset is: If I do X I might gain something (or feels good) and no mater what I'll never suffer any retaliation for it. Why shouldn't I do it?
- NoGravitas 10y ago
  You're talking about sociopaths. Who are estimated to make up 4% of the population. So you should be prepared to deal with them and cut them off as needed, but you shouldn't base your average strategy on assuming everyone you deal with is one.
  - 77pt77 10y ago
    No. I'm taking about usual human behavior. Those figures of 4% are fairytales, not unlike what most psychologists said before knowing the outcomes of the Milgram experiment. Almost no one believed that the vast majority of subjects would take the experiment to its end.
- kbenson 10y ago
  I think perhaps your mindset, and possibly your situation, might be improved if you assumed less about other people's thought process and motivation, or at least if you didn't assume you were correct. It's very easy to come up with ideas about what someone is thinking and why, it's much, much harder to be correct about that. By assuming you know why people are doing things, you've already biased yourself against future information that may contradict that. Maybe sometimes they aren't doing it to be a dick to you, and maybe sometimes what you view as gloating isn't directed at you, or isn't actually gloating.
  - 77pt77 10y ago
    I've had many of these people explicitly state that this is their state of mind after they realize they can't get their way. They'll do it in private so that their social standing doesn't suffer but they are very explicit about it. Not a lot of room left for assumptions after this. Downvote away.
    - hx87 10y ago
      > many of these people How many, out of all the people you interact with? It's safe to make your assumption the people who revealed their workings to you, but not with everyone else.
- ifdefdebug 10y ago
  You sound like the one who'd have called BG back from his camping trip to fix up his code - a 3 hours drive and a ruined weekend for him, instead of maybe a 5 minute rollback to the latest stable version for you. So with your mindset, it's no wonder people react to you the way you describe it. But believe it or not - most probably you are the problem, not them.
  - 77pt77 10y ago
    Talk about unsupported assumptions. I can play that game too! Maybe the most likely explanation is that you are a sociopath and resent having your nature so clearly exposed. Of course I have no way of knowing this and it's totally unsupported by fact, kind of like your comment.
- wu-ikkyu 10y ago
  Practical action can be taken without having to angrily scold the person. Giving into anger is the easy thing to do, but in doing so we become emotionally blinded to more practical courses of action which we may have realized if we had kept our cool.

In which case angrily confronting that person would further justify their ill will towards you and strengthen their resolve to sabotage you. How is that productive or tactful?

77pt77 10y ago

And becoming passive implies the message that you're a pushover to whom anything can be done because there will never be nefarious consequences. To those people the mindset is: If I do X I might gain something (or feels good) and no mater what I'll never suffer any retaliation for it. Why shouldn't I do it?

NoGravitas 10y ago
You're talking about sociopaths. Who are estimated to make up 4% of the population. So you should be prepared to deal with them and cut them off as needed, but you shouldn't base your average strategy on assuming everyone you deal with is one.
- 77pt77 10y ago
  No. I'm taking about usual human behavior. Those figures of 4% are fairytales, not unlike what most psychologists said before knowing the outcomes of the Milgram experiment. Almost no one believed that the vast majority of subjects would take the experiment to its end.
kbenson 10y ago
I think perhaps your mindset, and possibly your situation, might be improved if you assumed less about other people's thought process and motivation, or at least if you didn't assume you were correct. It's very easy to come up with ideas about what someone is thinking and why, it's much, much harder to be correct about that. By assuming you know why people are doing things, you've already biased yourself against future information that may contradict that. Maybe sometimes they aren't doing it to be a dick to you, and maybe sometimes what you view as gloating isn't directed at you, or isn't actually gloating.
- 77pt77 10y ago
  I've had many of these people explicitly state that this is their state of mind after they realize they can't get their way. They'll do it in private so that their social standing doesn't suffer but they are very explicit about it. Not a lot of room left for assumptions after this. Downvote away.
  - hx87 10y ago
    > many of these people How many, out of all the people you interact with? It's safe to make your assumption the people who revealed their workings to you, but not with everyone else.
ifdefdebug 10y ago
You sound like the one who'd have called BG back from his camping trip to fix up his code - a 3 hours drive and a ruined weekend for him, instead of maybe a 5 minute rollback to the latest stable version for you. So with your mindset, it's no wonder people react to you the way you describe it. But believe it or not - most probably you are the problem, not them.
- 77pt77 10y ago
  Talk about unsupported assumptions. I can play that game too! Maybe the most likely explanation is that you are a sociopath and resent having your nature so clearly exposed. Of course I have no way of knowing this and it's totally unsupported by fact, kind of like your comment.
wu-ikkyu 10y ago
Practical action can be taken without having to angrily scold the person. Giving into anger is the easy thing to do, but in doing so we become emotionally blinded to more practical courses of action which we may have realized if we had kept our cool.