4 ms·

So my experience and how it feels for an average to less then average guy in looks(I'm causcasin ..5'10..170.. fit)to be on all these damn apps. Basically we a

So my experience and how it feels for an average to less then average guy in looks(I'm causcasin ..5'10..170.. fit)to be on all these damn apps. Basically we all want something hot and or attractive to us. I feel for women who are less to average in looks have it better then guys. Probably sign into these apps and get bombarded by guys. I definitely date using match and plenty of fish(15 different dates a year) Tinder to me is crickets. I'm well aware of why and oh well that's how it goes but it does suck. Though I've then tried Grindr and other bi apps. I've found both attractive yet if I had found some chick who I liked in my 20s(in my 30s I was in a long term relationship with a chick) and settled down I would most likely have never explored my interest in guys. Would have just kept it to the normal curious fun a lot of us guys have with each other in our teens. Well using Grindr and others I now know what it feels like to be a chick... sign on and get tons of messages and choose which one catches your eye. This happens each time you open the app. Hey if your into both it's a great way to beat loniless, meet new friends and have fun here/there. Overall I just wanted to point out one mans use of these dating apps. I'm sure I'm not alone in my struggle with finding the women I want and they want me too. If Tinder keeps you busy your one lucky dude! Probably alone in using those other apps or maybe not and that could be another thing these apps are changing how/who we date and meet?

curiousdater 10y ago
Why was this downvoted?
- jessriedel 10y ago
  I didn't downvote you, but I don't think your anecdotal experience advances the discussion (a criticism which applies to most of this thread).
  - tomcam 10y ago
    Ah, how else could one advance the discussion much without anecdotal experience with this particular topic?
    - jasode 10y ago
      For "discussion", you can have people looking for 2 different things: 1) confirm/discredit/explain/etc the specific facts/opinions in the article 2) expand the article's specific topic into a launch pad for general anecdotes (often manifested as group catharsis) I can't speak for jessriedel but I assume he's looking for the first type of discussion (science). It's not wrong or right but just pointing out how people look for different commentary. Based on curiousdater's upvotes, many HN readers find his online experience interesting and don't care that his comment could be posted to any submitted story about dating and not just this specific one about the science research into choice fatigue. To your question, it's not impossible to talk about choice overload without reverting to personal anecdotes. The article's author Elizabeth Svoboda only used one anecdote which was about her friend Shannon Whitaker. Ignoring that, 99% of the article cites data from professor Barry Schwartz, psychologists Daniel Kahneman & Amos Tversky, anthropologist Helen Fisher, economist Hanna Halaburda, marketing professor Alexander Chernev, and researcher Daniel Mochon. It also mentions opposing evidence from professor Benjamin Scheibehenne. The personal anecdote about her friend was only a tiny amount of text at the beginning and the end. The anecdote was used as a narrative device to frame the article but it wasn't the main message.
  - aurelianito 10y ago
    I find it quite interesting to know how things work for gay men. If he does not tell me, I would not know.
stuxnet79 10y ago
I find this is one of the more useful comments I've ever read on this topic (dating struggles and difference in male / female viewpoints). Thanks for sharing.
- curiousdater 10y ago
  Yeah it's so tough out there if your looks don't fit the mold. I think based on the upvotes of my thread other guys are doing the same. Probably a small majority are, as if you you are curious and disenchanted by str8 dating apps too then why not?. Us guys are completely wound differenly then women and are equally driven by one thing. I can imagine if I was smoking hot guy women would be sending me hot pics like received on Grindr. That would be awesome but nothing I will experienced in this lifetime. There's no doubt I could be with a chick now but it wouldn't be with any I want, who excite me and or who fit my check list. Thus until I find her I'm biding my time between all these apps and always playing it safe and infrequently on the bi apps.
cloudjacker 10y ago
So other people found this coherent?
- curiousdater 10y ago
  What is hard to follow in my post?

curiousdater 10y ago

Why was this downvoted?

jessriedel 10y ago
I didn't downvote you, but I don't think your anecdotal experience advances the discussion (a criticism which applies to most of this thread).
- tomcam 10y ago
  Ah, how else could one advance the discussion much without anecdotal experience with this particular topic?
  - jasode 10y ago
    For "discussion", you can have people looking for 2 different things: 1) confirm/discredit/explain/etc the specific facts/opinions in the article 2) expand the article's specific topic into a launch pad for general anecdotes (often manifested as group catharsis) I can't speak for jessriedel but I assume he's looking for the first type of discussion (science). It's not wrong or right but just pointing out how people look for different commentary. Based on curiousdater's upvotes, many HN readers find his online experience interesting and don't care that his comment could be posted to any submitted story about dating and not just this specific one about the science research into choice fatigue. To your question, it's not impossible to talk about choice overload without reverting to personal anecdotes. The article's author Elizabeth Svoboda only used one anecdote which was about her friend Shannon Whitaker. Ignoring that, 99% of the article cites data from professor Barry Schwartz, psychologists Daniel Kahneman & Amos Tversky, anthropologist Helen Fisher, economist Hanna Halaburda, marketing professor Alexander Chernev, and researcher Daniel Mochon. It also mentions opposing evidence from professor Benjamin Scheibehenne. The personal anecdote about her friend was only a tiny amount of text at the beginning and the end. The anecdote was used as a narrative device to frame the article but it wasn't the main message.
- aurelianito 10y ago
  I find it quite interesting to know how things work for gay men. If he does not tell me, I would not know.

stuxnet79 10y ago

I find this is one of the more useful comments I've ever read on this topic (dating struggles and difference in male / female viewpoints). Thanks for sharing.

curiousdater 10y ago
Yeah it's so tough out there if your looks don't fit the mold. I think based on the upvotes of my thread other guys are doing the same. Probably a small majority are, as if you you are curious and disenchanted by str8 dating apps too then why not?. Us guys are completely wound differenly then women and are equally driven by one thing. I can imagine if I was smoking hot guy women would be sending me hot pics like received on Grindr. That would be awesome but nothing I will experienced in this lifetime. There's no doubt I could be with a chick now but it wouldn't be with any I want, who excite me and or who fit my check list. Thus until I find her I'm biding my time between all these apps and always playing it safe and infrequently on the bi apps.

cloudjacker 10y ago

So other people found this coherent?

curiousdater 10y ago
What is hard to follow in my post?