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1. Yeh I would put alot of weight into that. It is honestly some of my closest friends now who said they saw potential in me when I was at my weakest who helped

1. Yeh I would put alot of weight into that. It is honestly some of my closest friends now who said they saw potential in me when I was at my weakest who helped me and put me in touch with other good people. My exboyfriend and his friends were all Engineers but graduated and wanted to live a comfortable life. I was supposed to marry him and cater to him until I found out he was cheating on me. I left him but the hard part was we had a tight knit group of 20 mutual friends. They were my life but I had to leave them because they all wanted to treat eachother like shit and get comfortable. It was REALLY hard for 6 months I felt like I had no friends but if I did not have those times I Would have never met the new people in my life, one of which also ended up leaving that group. She is my age and the CEO of a multimillion dollar company. From her I have met so many amazing people and when I share my story they are like "oh yeh I know those kind of people i DO NOT spend time with them." Then it makes me feel less crazy. When you are an outlier, its more likely people say you are "crazy" what is crazy? Crazy is an extreme outlier. The key is to not be an outlier, by surrounding yourself with people like you.. My ex actually made me believe there was something wrong with me but thats because I was not hanging around other really motivated people who wanted to spend more time doing cool things and less time on drinking and drama. In that circle I was crazy. Even though I act exactly the same, in my new circle, people think I'm awesome and they all really want me to do well. I look back at my friends from two years ago and I cringe wondering why I ever put up with it. Slightly embarassed I did. When I fly home to visit my family and see their lives, it depresses me. Definitely want to surround yourself with people who challenge you, not make your feel like "you work too hard. youre crazy. everyone treats eachother this way were ok with it you should be ok with it too." Thats a self esteem killer. Oh sorry did not answer second question. 2. Yes I have friends from my hometown who are heroine addicts, and no I cannot be too close to them because they end up asking for money and it causes alot of tension in the relationship. And yes most of my female friends, even the highly educated ones, actually are settling for men who they have lots of problems with but they are comfortable with eachother because they have been together for so long. THey have given up good jobs to move to their boyfriends new jobs even though their boyfriends would not do the same for them. It's hard to see smart motivated girls slowly settle over time and our lives go in different directions, but already years later I look back and look at their lives and know I made the right decision for myself. If you are an attractive smart female in tech, alot of guys want to date you. I think that makes it really easy for a female in that position to actually marry another successful person and get comfortable spending more time on the relationship than on their career. There will always be men vying for that spot. It was a tad weird because I Expected women in tech, like the females I met at Engineering school to be very feminist and independent, but because they are a scarce and highly coveted resource, men rise to the challenge to accomodate them and alot of women get comfortable with that. Would I say they didn't make it? I dont know about that. They will live financially successful lives still and live at the upper income. Will they reach their full potential that way? No, but I could ask myself that question everyday and always push myself harder.

Camillo 10y ago
Did you find this new group of friends before or after you left college? How did you find them? For many people, it's quite hard to find friends once out of university.
- usmeteora 10y ago
  Basically one kid who worked for the startup I worked for right out of college started inviting me out for drinks with his friends, after I quit the company we both worked for to work for another company. We both found out we live a few blocks from eachother downtown so we would meet up and catch up, he would update me on how the company is going, and I would update him on my new company because he originally had wanted to work there years before. From there, he introduced me to people who were also really smart motivated people working for startups and we would all meet up once every week or so for drinks or coffee. From there I met alot of great people, some from my university, some not. I agree it is harder to find friends once you graduate, but at the end of the day you have to be willing to put yourself out there. I am a very shy person and if I had not been invited out with that group of people by someone I had gone to class and ended up working closely with at my old company, I may not have felt comfortable just going out with people for drinks. if you livei n a bigger city, reddit meetups are great, and going on eventbrite and going to entrepreneurial events is good. Even if you are not looking for a new job, that demographic is more likely to have self starter smart motivated ambitious people that you will run into, if thats the crowd you are looking to run with.

Camillo 10y ago

Did you find this new group of friends before or after you left college? How did you find them? For many people, it's quite hard to find friends once out of university.

usmeteora 10y ago
Basically one kid who worked for the startup I worked for right out of college started inviting me out for drinks with his friends, after I quit the company we both worked for to work for another company. We both found out we live a few blocks from eachother downtown so we would meet up and catch up, he would update me on how the company is going, and I would update him on my new company because he originally had wanted to work there years before. From there, he introduced me to people who were also really smart motivated people working for startups and we would all meet up once every week or so for drinks or coffee. From there I met alot of great people, some from my university, some not. I agree it is harder to find friends once you graduate, but at the end of the day you have to be willing to put yourself out there. I am a very shy person and if I had not been invited out with that group of people by someone I had gone to class and ended up working closely with at my old company, I may not have felt comfortable just going out with people for drinks. if you livei n a bigger city, reddit meetups are great, and going on eventbrite and going to entrepreneurial events is good. Even if you are not looking for a new job, that demographic is more likely to have self starter smart motivated ambitious people that you will run into, if thats the crowd you are looking to run with.