10 ms·

I don’t know what to do with my life

25 points by ffggvv 10y ago

c13k 10y ago
So this guy has a job, is able to commute, is able to donate money to charity, able to smile though bitterly. He had big dreams, and now is down? I don't get it. He's not jobless, he's not homeless, he's able to commute probably not even in a wheelchair or crutches. He's has spare change in his pocket. There is no sense of gratitude for what he does have and complains about what he doesn't have. Welcome to reality.
- wott 10y ago
  This is typically the kind of absolutely clueless reaction that makes me even more depressed about human beings.
- DocG 10y ago
  It does not work that way.
- adenot 10y ago
  That's called depression... can hit anyone, no matter how fortunate they are, and doesn't mean it's their fault.
  - makx 10y ago
    Though you don't know if he's clinically depressed, just has a rough week, or generally lives in a rather bleak environment.
- smonff 10y ago
  Reacting this way is surely the worst thing you can do.
- farresito 10y ago
  You are implying that someone who has everything you mentioned is happy, when it's often the opposite. The society we live in burns people emotionally, and it's precisely because of the lack of understanding from people like you (no offense intended) that we can't often do more about it. Do we work to live or live to work? Is donating money actually going to make him happy when he can't see the results first hand? Does money actually make people happy if we don't even have time to spend that money doing the things we would like to do? (It's common in the US to have shorter vacations than a lot of other countries.)
- Jugurtha 10y ago
  Think about it as a closed loop system. There's a desired state, a process/plant that produces an output given the desired state, a feedback loop that brings information about the output, and a comparator between the output and the desired state. This fellow had big dreams (desired state) and has a process (his actions) to produce his current situation (output). He compares between his desired and current states and the error is huge. What does that cause? The process works to bring the error down. It might overshoot, slowly converge, diverge, or oscillate around the desired state. A lot can go wrong in this simple example. As you suggested, his life might be not bad at all but his transducer might be faulty and sending defective information. His feedback might be screwed so what he sees of the current situation is altered. He might also have one transducer giving a good reading on one quantity, but missing the other output's quantities because he doesn't have transducers for them. His plant can also be at fault. The actions he's taking and how he conducts life might not be bringing the error down. In other words, he's not getting closer to his desired state. His desired state might be changing. Which would be normal for many to evolve but this fellow might not have the satisfaction of accomplishment because the system doesn't register it has ever reached a desired state. The sense of accomplishment is never there. His comparator might be at fault, too. His desired state might be beyond the plant's capabilities and it's impossible for it to reach it. The communication lines might also be the cause because someone hastily crimped the connectors and did a poor job.
  - c13k 10y ago
    I think you see what the issue is, and I agree with you. In fact, I've experienced the exact same thing as the person in the article, about 20 years ago. From here you could gather how old I may be. I've been so down in depression and anxiety, and I could easily have penned the article myself during my downtimes. Without giving way too many details, my desired state back then was the home with a white picket fence, a couple children and a lovely spouse. The output (reality) was that I was became divorced, my only child kept away from me, and living in my parents basement as a fully grown adult, going through nasty nasty court battles. I lost all my money to lawyer fees. The Comparator between the output and the desired state was HUGE. Then this affected my job performance, causing all sorts of other issues. I hit rock bottom, and then I made a decision: crawl under a rock and die, or pick myself up. I chose the latter. Looking at the positives of what I did have (my life, able to walk, commute to work, give money to charity to help others) etc - this is what made me turn my life around. Lots and lots of hard work ensued, and some missteps along the way (some health issues due to stress). I cleaned up my diet, sought professional counseling help, went to the gym, personal trainer, took medication, did better at my job, got a promotion, found a new spouse, bought a house again. My desired state mentality has also changed over the years. Instead of trying to get the latest gadget, the biggest house, more promotions, more everything - I am now content with what I do have. I am content with the reality I have created. We all have a life story, and different perspectives.
- tluyben2 10y ago
  Having a 'job' and commuting actually made me wonder about the meaning of life, because working for someone (in a fugly grey building) and standing in a traffic jam or in a stinking subway is not really my idea of meaningful. Or, in other words, it differs from one person to the other.
projektir 10y ago
The meaning of life, the point, what one should do with it... it is not a trivial question. Most don't answer it at all. Many have it answered for them. And then a few try to answer it themselves. Know only that all the approaches are valid, and the question is at the edge of our understanding. The world is, and always was, a cold place. Look at the goals of the world, and you will see that there is no warmth in them. And in that coldness we were born. Yet in your giving there was warmth. In your complaint there was a judgment. Where would it be without you? Even if you are but a spark, it means that there is hope. So cherish yourself and kindle that spark.
nojvek 10y ago
Hang in there. It gets better. I hit rock bottom last year and it sucked. But after a while you kind of get comfortable in the cold darkness. The solitude feels great. I made it a rule to give at least a dollar to every beggar I meet. If I have time then I'll try to strike a conversation.
Tempest1981 10y ago
Try getting several good nights of sleep -- I think it can change your energy and outlook. Also find some music that makes you feel good. These may not be complete solutions, but may help you get to a place where you can make progress.
contingencies 10y ago
Travel.
- bfred_it 10y ago
  Been traveling for 18 months. Doesn't make a whole lot of a difference, especially when you go to poorer areas and see even worse conditions than what the post describes.
fuzzyninja 10y ago
Like everyone else, I also keep asking myself the same thing. One thing that helped me was to read more about Existentialism, especially the work from people like Camus or Sartre. TL;DR there is no meaning or even the necessity of having one. Existence comes first, each one of us can craft their own meaning. Hang in there, my friend!
beeftime 10y ago
If you're an avid newsreader you could be forgiven in thinking that the world is diving headfirst into becoming a burnt-out hellscape, but that's really not the case -- its just that our personal access to information is a lot better now. I mean don't get me wrong, there's still a lot of horrible shit in the world (hold on to this for a second). In the last hundred years infant mortality and absolute poverty cratered, literacy is skyrocketing, the impact of war has gone into freefall. In most places things like slavery and the more horrific diseases have been all but wiped out, and far (far!) more people than ever actually have at least a modicum of control over their lives. Which is not to say things are perfect. There's still so much work to be done. If you want to start feeling better about it, start volunteering. Put in time at a homeless shelter, or food bank, or if you have a skill find a way to use it in helping the needy in your community. If a program you think will help doesn't exist where you are, start one.
- Tempest1981 10y ago
  Definitely. Avoid "news" that caters to your morbid curiousity. Don't get drawn in. Find sites that cater instead to your intellectual curiousity.
nthcolumn 10y ago
So certain are you. Always with you it cannot be done. Hear you nothing that I say?
chickenfries 10y ago
You should try volunteering.
- ommunist 10y ago
  That will inevitably raise a question, why people do not want to help themselves?
  - chickenfries 10y ago
    For many (include myself) it's to do with self esteem. It's much easier for me to do something if I'm doing it for someone I care about than for myself.
slifin 10y ago
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1s1lbjmiZ1p0w-OjQLc9iQmR5r1ZiBd361SrKxvavNRE/edit?usp=drive_web https://docs.google.com/document/d/1s1lbjmiZ1p0w-OjQLc9iQmR5...
me_not_brucelee 10y ago
You can sit there and wait for someone to tell you what to do, or you can start crawling and observe how others walk. You can look outside the window and see all the wrong things in the world, or you can look outside and see all the good things in the world. You can look backwards in your life and see all the stupid things you have done, or you can think about the good things you will be doing tomorrow. You can think about all the things you have no control, or you can think about the things you can leverage. You can think about that 100 people who hates you or you can about that 1 person who loves you. You can think about yourself as a sum of all your mistakes, or you can think about yourself as a sum of all your actions. Take a chill pill, drink some chill beer, relax, its not the end.
ffggvv 10y ago
Thanks a lot to everybody, I think this is the reason I like this community so much :)

25 points by ffggvv 10y ago

c13k 10y ago

So this guy has a job, is able to commute, is able to donate money to charity, able to smile though bitterly. He had big dreams, and now is down? I don't get it. He's not jobless, he's not homeless, he's able to commute probably not even in a wheelchair or crutches. He's has spare change in his pocket. There is no sense of gratitude for what he does have and complains about what he doesn't have. Welcome to reality.

wott 10y ago
This is typically the kind of absolutely clueless reaction that makes me even more depressed about human beings.
DocG 10y ago
It does not work that way.
adenot 10y ago
That's called depression... can hit anyone, no matter how fortunate they are, and doesn't mean it's their fault.
- makx 10y ago
  Though you don't know if he's clinically depressed, just has a rough week, or generally lives in a rather bleak environment.
smonff 10y ago
Reacting this way is surely the worst thing you can do.
farresito 10y ago
You are implying that someone who has everything you mentioned is happy, when it's often the opposite. The society we live in burns people emotionally, and it's precisely because of the lack of understanding from people like you (no offense intended) that we can't often do more about it. Do we work to live or live to work? Is donating money actually going to make him happy when he can't see the results first hand? Does money actually make people happy if we don't even have time to spend that money doing the things we would like to do? (It's common in the US to have shorter vacations than a lot of other countries.)
Jugurtha 10y ago
Think about it as a closed loop system. There's a desired state, a process/plant that produces an output given the desired state, a feedback loop that brings information about the output, and a comparator between the output and the desired state. This fellow had big dreams (desired state) and has a process (his actions) to produce his current situation (output). He compares between his desired and current states and the error is huge. What does that cause? The process works to bring the error down. It might overshoot, slowly converge, diverge, or oscillate around the desired state. A lot can go wrong in this simple example. As you suggested, his life might be not bad at all but his transducer might be faulty and sending defective information. His feedback might be screwed so what he sees of the current situation is altered. He might also have one transducer giving a good reading on one quantity, but missing the other output's quantities because he doesn't have transducers for them. His plant can also be at fault. The actions he's taking and how he conducts life might not be bringing the error down. In other words, he's not getting closer to his desired state. His desired state might be changing. Which would be normal for many to evolve but this fellow might not have the satisfaction of accomplishment because the system doesn't register it has ever reached a desired state. The sense of accomplishment is never there. His comparator might be at fault, too. His desired state might be beyond the plant's capabilities and it's impossible for it to reach it. The communication lines might also be the cause because someone hastily crimped the connectors and did a poor job.
- c13k 10y ago
  I think you see what the issue is, and I agree with you. In fact, I've experienced the exact same thing as the person in the article, about 20 years ago. From here you could gather how old I may be. I've been so down in depression and anxiety, and I could easily have penned the article myself during my downtimes. Without giving way too many details, my desired state back then was the home with a white picket fence, a couple children and a lovely spouse. The output (reality) was that I was became divorced, my only child kept away from me, and living in my parents basement as a fully grown adult, going through nasty nasty court battles. I lost all my money to lawyer fees. The Comparator between the output and the desired state was HUGE. Then this affected my job performance, causing all sorts of other issues. I hit rock bottom, and then I made a decision: crawl under a rock and die, or pick myself up. I chose the latter. Looking at the positives of what I did have (my life, able to walk, commute to work, give money to charity to help others) etc - this is what made me turn my life around. Lots and lots of hard work ensued, and some missteps along the way (some health issues due to stress). I cleaned up my diet, sought professional counseling help, went to the gym, personal trainer, took medication, did better at my job, got a promotion, found a new spouse, bought a house again. My desired state mentality has also changed over the years. Instead of trying to get the latest gadget, the biggest house, more promotions, more everything - I am now content with what I do have. I am content with the reality I have created. We all have a life story, and different perspectives.
tluyben2 10y ago
Having a 'job' and commuting actually made me wonder about the meaning of life, because working for someone (in a fugly grey building) and standing in a traffic jam or in a stinking subway is not really my idea of meaningful. Or, in other words, it differs from one person to the other.

projektir 10y ago

The meaning of life, the point, what one should do with it... it is not a trivial question. Most don't answer it at all. Many have it answered for them. And then a few try to answer it themselves. Know only that all the approaches are valid, and the question is at the edge of our understanding. The world is, and always was, a cold place. Look at the goals of the world, and you will see that there is no warmth in them. And in that coldness we were born. Yet in your giving there was warmth. In your complaint there was a judgment. Where would it be without you? Even if you are but a spark, it means that there is hope. So cherish yourself and kindle that spark.

nojvek 10y ago

Hang in there. It gets better. I hit rock bottom last year and it sucked. But after a while you kind of get comfortable in the cold darkness. The solitude feels great. I made it a rule to give at least a dollar to every beggar I meet. If I have time then I'll try to strike a conversation.

Tempest1981 10y ago

Try getting several good nights of sleep -- I think it can change your energy and outlook. Also find some music that makes you feel good. These may not be complete solutions, but may help you get to a place where you can make progress.

contingencies 10y ago

Travel.

bfred_it 10y ago
Been traveling for 18 months. Doesn't make a whole lot of a difference, especially when you go to poorer areas and see even worse conditions than what the post describes.

fuzzyninja 10y ago

Like everyone else, I also keep asking myself the same thing. One thing that helped me was to read more about Existentialism, especially the work from people like Camus or Sartre. TL;DR there is no meaning or even the necessity of having one. Existence comes first, each one of us can craft their own meaning. Hang in there, my friend!

beeftime 10y ago

If you're an avid newsreader you could be forgiven in thinking that the world is diving headfirst into becoming a burnt-out hellscape, but that's really not the case -- its just that our personal access to information is a lot better now. I mean don't get me wrong, there's still a lot of horrible shit in the world (hold on to this for a second). In the last hundred years infant mortality and absolute poverty cratered, literacy is skyrocketing, the impact of war has gone into freefall. In most places things like slavery and the more horrific diseases have been all but wiped out, and far (far!) more people than ever actually have at least a modicum of control over their lives. Which is not to say things are perfect. There's still so much work to be done. If you want to start feeling better about it, start volunteering. Put in time at a homeless shelter, or food bank, or if you have a skill find a way to use it in helping the needy in your community. If a program you think will help doesn't exist where you are, start one.

Tempest1981 10y ago
Definitely. Avoid "news" that caters to your morbid curiousity. Don't get drawn in. Find sites that cater instead to your intellectual curiousity.

nthcolumn 10y ago

So certain are you. Always with you it cannot be done. Hear you nothing that I say?

chickenfries 10y ago

You should try volunteering.

ommunist 10y ago
That will inevitably raise a question, why people do not want to help themselves?
- chickenfries 10y ago
  For many (include myself) it's to do with self esteem. It's much easier for me to do something if I'm doing it for someone I care about than for myself.

slifin 10y ago

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1s1lbjmiZ1p0w-OjQLc9iQmR5r1ZiBd361SrKxvavNRE/edit?usp=drive_web https://docs.google.com/document/d/1s1lbjmiZ1p0w-OjQLc9iQmR5...

me_not_brucelee 10y ago

You can sit there and wait for someone to tell you what to do, or you can start crawling and observe how others walk. You can look outside the window and see all the wrong things in the world, or you can look outside and see all the good things in the world. You can look backwards in your life and see all the stupid things you have done, or you can think about the good things you will be doing tomorrow. You can think about all the things you have no control, or you can think about the things you can leverage. You can think about that 100 people who hates you or you can about that 1 person who loves you. You can think about yourself as a sum of all your mistakes, or you can think about yourself as a sum of all your actions. Take a chill pill, drink some chill beer, relax, its not the end.

ffggvv 10y ago

Thanks a lot to everybody, I think this is the reason I like this community so much :)