As an uncool person myself, a tiny fraction of the reason why I generally avoid festivals and parties is so that I won't spoil everyone else's fun by being ther

As an uncool person myself, a tiny fraction of the reason why I generally avoid festivals and parties is so that I won't spoil everyone else's fun by being there. You have to trust me on this. There are some genuinely, permanently uncool people in this world, and we ruin the "cool people" parties. We are not the kind of pretend-uncool that is actually a rebellious alternative kind of cool. We are actual, irredeemable squares. The authenticity is there; it's just really, really boring. And not particularly attractive. So please, don't tell me to just go to Burning Man if I want to go. Everyone would go home early, and no one would come back the next year. (Rationally, I know that couldn't possibly be true, but I still believe it.) Also, the "cool people" have been rather rude and horrible to me my whole life, so voluntarily walking into a concentration of them seems masochistic and ill-advised. Coolness may be a mirage that may be chased forever without catching it, but uncoolness is real.