4 ms·

I will be 47 soon and have noticed the changes you speak of in the last 7 years - 40 was well, ok..., but when 44 rolled around.... For me, the burnout/depress

I will be 47 soon and have noticed the changes you speak of in the last 7 years - 40 was well, ok..., but when 44 rolled around.... For me, the burnout/depression I was going through 38-44 was a big factor. Recovering from that took some time and then I got the "real" flu as in "lay in bed for 3 weeks, can't get up, thought I was going to die due to adrenaline rushes". That took a big physical toll and again, it took more than a few months to feel like I was back on-line. So I'd check that first - your physical and mental health. It sounds like you are stressed despite the exercise or just plain doing too much? It does sound like too much task switching, at least for me. Assuming you are a Type 5 personality on the Enneagram (the stereotypical IT person), you're reporting common behaviors when Type 5s are under stress. I ignored my burnout for far too long unfortunately because I was so driven; it wasn't like I immediately hit a wall but I was going down a hill that got steeper and steeper until it turned into a cliff. Modafinil helped for awhile, but I stopped - it was only a band-aid and I did not want to become reliant on it. A Red Bull is sufficient these days; I think the B vitamins are more the reason than caffiend (I am immune to that after all these years). But that is just me. I am taking a multivitamin regularly now, CoQ10, and a few nootropics, they seem to help. So I'd suggest you think along those lines. But at a higher level of abstraction... do you care that much anymore? Perhaps you're running into the beginnings of a midlife crisis? I have finally realized I don't. IT/development is finally tedious and boring, so I'm going back to school to get a degree in "data science". It is technical, but it's different. And I'm trying to do more creative stuff, like screenplays - all the things I promised myself I'd get to at some point while I was wasting my youth making money for --other-- people. If you have 10 different projects to deal with at work, then that is at least 4 too many, IMO, though I don't know how large they are.

throwawaydeclne 10y ago
Thanks for your considered and personal reply. Thanks for sharing your experiences. Glad you have resolved your own issues. I certainly do feel stressed, like there are too many tasks, and like I'm switching tasks. The work I'm doing currently is because I was interrupted from work I was doing previously and switched - and that was work I was doing previously I was doing because I was interrupted etc and the stack probably goes down about ten deep. I didn't take modafinil today thinking that it perhaps wasn't helping me think clearly which has helped a little, but I will look into CoQ10. I think perhaps the modafinil compounds the issue a little, I've been taking it for so long I no longer notice the uplift. Perhaps it is time to let me head get used to normality. Your points about not caring, midlife crisis... you might be right. How much I care varies from repulsion to OK. I feel you about wasting time making money for others, it is a source of pain for me. It's that mental thing; the feeling like there is a kind of spongy mist where there used to be clarity that blocks my ability to see. I wish you lots of luck with your new degree, it sounds like a great idea.

throwawaydeclne 10y ago

Thanks for your considered and personal reply. Thanks for sharing your experiences. Glad you have resolved your own issues. I certainly do feel stressed, like there are too many tasks, and like I'm switching tasks. The work I'm doing currently is because I was interrupted from work I was doing previously and switched - and that was work I was doing previously I was doing because I was interrupted etc and the stack probably goes down about ten deep. I didn't take modafinil today thinking that it perhaps wasn't helping me think clearly which has helped a little, but I will look into CoQ10. I think perhaps the modafinil compounds the issue a little, I've been taking it for so long I no longer notice the uplift. Perhaps it is time to let me head get used to normality. Your points about not caring, midlife crisis... you might be right. How much I care varies from repulsion to OK. I feel you about wasting time making money for others, it is a source of pain for me. It's that mental thing; the feeling like there is a kind of spongy mist where there used to be clarity that blocks my ability to see. I wish you lots of luck with your new degree, it sounds like a great idea.