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I'm often bummed out whenever someone tells me about their problems and I talk to them about solutions or new ways of thinking and they tell me they just want a

by xutopia 10y ago

I'm often bummed out whenever someone tells me about their problems and I talk to them about solutions or new ways of thinking and they tell me they just want an ear to speak to. If I weren't empathic I could just shrug but I see people making big life choices over ridiculous assumptions and I'm asked to keep my expert advice to myself. This article shakes me at my core... perhaps what's best is to be there until things blow up and then swoop in and save the people from an even worse spot.

jordanlev 10y ago
As I've grown older, I've learned that often the best thing is to just listen to people. Sometimes just letting people vent and share their problems is the most you can do (and it is helpful to most people to have an outlet, even if to you it seems like you're not "doing anything" or "solving the problem").
- falcolas 10y ago
  Agreed. And if they're looking for help, they'll usually ask for it. "What's your opinion?" "What would you do?"
  - cypherpunks01 10y ago
    I agree, though not everyone does this—it depends on the person and the interaction a lot I think. If I can't tell, I usually just like to ask: "What do you think you'll do?" This is often helpful and I sometimes consider it as a listening strategy.
frandroid 10y ago
Sometimes people need to their own processing in order to own their solutions. You just need to rubber duck them through it... Advice then is better given by asking questions than by providing answers.
dclowd9901 10y ago
I've found it best to be a good listener and only offer advice when it's explicitly asked for -- otherwise, simply offer attention or sympathy/empathy. I don't often go to other people with my problems. I tend to work through the lot of them on my own. I think many people are this way, and really only go to others to not feel crazy for having a certain issue. (i.e. finding someone who can relate to their struggles, not necessarily solve them)
eevilspock 10y ago
Are you sure you're not the same when you tell someone your problems? How do you react when they give you advice that is outside of your own mental model, or that is different from what you want to hear? I'm sure sometimes your assessment that someone else's assumptions are "ridiculous" is fair, but will you consider that sometimes it is your assumptions about their assumptions that are limited or flawed? From the article: > If, however, lack of insight is defined as a failure to accept an alternative view of reality, then do the rest of us lack insight, too? > The assumption that someone else’s reality is invalid can foster distrust; it sends the message that we don’t respect this person’s experience of his or her own life. Many people who have been in the mental health system describe themselves as “survivors” — not of mental illness, but of treatment.

by xutopia 10y ago

jordanlev 10y ago

As I've grown older, I've learned that often the best thing is to just listen to people. Sometimes just letting people vent and share their problems is the most you can do (and it is helpful to most people to have an outlet, even if to you it seems like you're not "doing anything" or "solving the problem").

falcolas 10y ago
Agreed. And if they're looking for help, they'll usually ask for it. "What's your opinion?" "What would you do?"
- cypherpunks01 10y ago
  I agree, though not everyone does this—it depends on the person and the interaction a lot I think. If I can't tell, I usually just like to ask: "What do you think you'll do?" This is often helpful and I sometimes consider it as a listening strategy.

frandroid 10y ago

Sometimes people need to their own processing in order to own their solutions. You just need to rubber duck them through it... Advice then is better given by asking questions than by providing answers.

dclowd9901 10y ago

I've found it best to be a good listener and only offer advice when it's explicitly asked for -- otherwise, simply offer attention or sympathy/empathy. I don't often go to other people with my problems. I tend to work through the lot of them on my own. I think many people are this way, and really only go to others to not feel crazy for having a certain issue. (i.e. finding someone who can relate to their struggles, not necessarily solve them)

eevilspock 10y ago

Are you sure you're not the same when you tell someone your problems? How do you react when they give you advice that is outside of your own mental model, or that is different from what you want to hear? I'm sure sometimes your assessment that someone else's assumptions are "ridiculous" is fair, but will you consider that sometimes it is your assumptions about their assumptions that are limited or flawed? From the article: > If, however, lack of insight is defined as a failure to accept an alternative view of reality, then do the rest of us lack insight, too? > The assumption that someone else’s reality is invalid can foster distrust; it sends the message that we don’t respect this person’s experience of his or her own life. Many people who have been in the mental health system describe themselves as “survivors” — not of mental illness, but of treatment.