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That's one of those ideas that sounds great in theory, but turns out to work out badly in practice. In fact, people who live together before marriage are more

That's one of those ideas that sounds great in theory, but turns out to work out badly in practice. In fact, people who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce, not less. Look at it this way: you move in with someone you're in love with, but haven't made a substantial commitment to. However, now you're sharing rent, utilities, etc., and are monogamous in the sense that you're not dating anyone else. Time passes, and you find you're not compatible... but all those side commitments you've made become really hard to undo... and it looks easier to just stay together. On the other hand, if you're willing to take the time to ensure the relationship is sound before marriage, you're more likely to stay that way.

matthewowen 10y ago
Do you have more information about that statistic (people who live together before marriage being more likely to divorce). It sounds so counterintuitive, and I'd be really interested to learn more about how they controlled for (eg) arranged marriages, or generally the covariance between stigma of divorce and stigma against living together before marriage. I think it's probable that they did control for these things... but it seems interesting.
- chris_st 10y ago
  Here's an article with a couple of references to research: http://psych-your-mind.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-cohabitation-effect-consequences-of.html http://psych-your-mind.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-cohabitation... And a more recent one, with a lot more references: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/close-encounters/201504/should-you-think-twice-moving-in-partner https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/close-encounters/201504...
rayiner 10y ago
The difference disappears when adjusting for age: http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/should-couples-live-together-before-marriage http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/should-couples-l....
- dmoy 10y ago
  Ah thanks, that is a very reasonable explanation which explains the (what I previously thought was weird) shift via age. Always interesting to see how easy it is to make faulty statistical inferences.
- shoo 10y ago
  > There was still a slightly increased risk of divorce among cohabitors, but Kuperberg says this is explained by other factors. For instance, research shows that people who cohabit are more likely to have less education, more likely to have previously lived with another partner, and less likely to have lived with both parents as a child—all characteristics that put them at a higher risk of divorce to begin with. Fascinating. I find the middle one pretty interesting: that "more likely to have previously lived with another partner" is correlated with divorce. Off the top of my head I can think of a number of possible explanations: some people may never consider divorce for moral/religious reasons, some people may be better or worse than others at entering into and maintaining long term relationships, some people have learned from one or more prior experiences and are less tolerant of bad relationships[0], etc. [0] i'd like to believe it's largely this one, but maybe that's because i've spent too much time reading relationship advice threads
  - dragonwriter 10y ago
    > For instance, research shows that people who cohabit are more likely to have less education, more likely to have previously lived with another partner But that's not a separate factor. If the whole point of cohabiting is to try things out and provide an easier dissolution if they work, the higher risk of cohabitors having cohabited with someone else before isn't orthogonal to the decision to cohabitate, its central to it.
grkvlt 10y ago
So, you disagree with the more likely to divorce statement, then? Because your 'Look at it this way' points seem to be in favour of living together before marriage, suggesting it doesn't make divorce more likely. Or; have I misunderstood?
ryhamz 10y ago
The kinds of people that don't co-habitate before marriage could easily have different qualities. i.e. There's one or more confounding variables. Unless it could somehow control for all these variables, I wouldn't be too convinced.
nilkn 10y ago
> In fact, people who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce, not less. In addition to what others have said, using divorce rate as a metric of relationship success is itself a flawed method of looking at the problem. As an example, many folks consider divorce to be an immoral act. They would rather sit in an unhappy marriage for decades than get divorced. Thus, it could easily be that those willing to cohabit prior to marriage also tend to be those who do not think divorce is an immoral act, so that the statistical observation you're making here (assuming it's even true) is really just a reflection of the underlying beliefs of two different groups of people regarding the act of divorce.

matthewowen 10y ago

Do you have more information about that statistic (people who live together before marriage being more likely to divorce). It sounds so counterintuitive, and I'd be really interested to learn more about how they controlled for (eg) arranged marriages, or generally the covariance between stigma of divorce and stigma against living together before marriage. I think it's probable that they did control for these things... but it seems interesting.

chris_st 10y ago
Here's an article with a couple of references to research: http://psych-your-mind.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-cohabitation-effect-consequences-of.html http://psych-your-mind.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-cohabitation... And a more recent one, with a lot more references: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/close-encounters/201504/should-you-think-twice-moving-in-partner https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/close-encounters/201504...

rayiner 10y ago

The difference disappears when adjusting for age: http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/should-couples-live-together-before-marriage http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/should-couples-l....

dmoy 10y ago
Ah thanks, that is a very reasonable explanation which explains the (what I previously thought was weird) shift via age. Always interesting to see how easy it is to make faulty statistical inferences.
shoo 10y ago
> There was still a slightly increased risk of divorce among cohabitors, but Kuperberg says this is explained by other factors. For instance, research shows that people who cohabit are more likely to have less education, more likely to have previously lived with another partner, and less likely to have lived with both parents as a child—all characteristics that put them at a higher risk of divorce to begin with. Fascinating. I find the middle one pretty interesting: that "more likely to have previously lived with another partner" is correlated with divorce. Off the top of my head I can think of a number of possible explanations: some people may never consider divorce for moral/religious reasons, some people may be better or worse than others at entering into and maintaining long term relationships, some people have learned from one or more prior experiences and are less tolerant of bad relationships[0], etc. [0] i'd like to believe it's largely this one, but maybe that's because i've spent too much time reading relationship advice threads
- dragonwriter 10y ago
  > For instance, research shows that people who cohabit are more likely to have less education, more likely to have previously lived with another partner But that's not a separate factor. If the whole point of cohabiting is to try things out and provide an easier dissolution if they work, the higher risk of cohabitors having cohabited with someone else before isn't orthogonal to the decision to cohabitate, its central to it.

grkvlt 10y ago

So, you disagree with the more likely to divorce statement, then? Because your 'Look at it this way' points seem to be in favour of living together before marriage, suggesting it doesn't make divorce more likely. Or; have I misunderstood?

ryhamz 10y ago

The kinds of people that don't co-habitate before marriage could easily have different qualities. i.e. There's one or more confounding variables. Unless it could somehow control for all these variables, I wouldn't be too convinced.

nilkn 10y ago

> In fact, people who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce, not less. In addition to what others have said, using divorce rate as a metric of relationship success is itself a flawed method of looking at the problem. As an example, many folks consider divorce to be an immoral act. They would rather sit in an unhappy marriage for decades than get divorced. Thus, it could easily be that those willing to cohabit prior to marriage also tend to be those who do not think divorce is an immoral act, so that the statistical observation you're making here (assuming it's even true) is really just a reflection of the underlying beliefs of two different groups of people regarding the act of divorce.