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“At Yahoo, we have a deep understanding of the threats facing our users and continuously strive to stay ahead of these threats to keep our users and our platfor

“At Yahoo, we have a deep understanding of the threats facing our users and continuously strive to stay ahead of these threats to keep our users and our platforms secure,” Why do I always get the almost unresistable urge to yell at my flat screen whenever a corporate spokesdrone opens his or her mouth? Is the ability to talk plattitude-gibberish a requirement for such a job?

radarsat1 10y ago
> Is the ability to talk plattitude-gibberish a requirement for such a job? Literally, yes?
saintwind 10y ago
That is their job, bruh.
engi_nerd 10y ago
Yes, it is, as I'm sure you know. Such nonsense talk is difficult to latch onto and attack precisely because it has the air of substance while actually saying nothing.
- tmd83 10y ago
  It reminds me of the scene from Foundation when analysis of a politicians multi day stay and conversation amounted to no words. He had literally said nothing.
chris_wot 10y ago
It's a deep understanding alright. They deeply understand that their security is utterly inadequate so they have to strive extra hard to try to secure their services. It appears they've been striving so hard they have given themselves a collective security haemorrhoid.
dagw 10y ago
Is the ability to talk plattitude-gibberish a requirement for such a job? It's not just a requirement, it is their job. How would you re-phrase that sentence in a way that A) isn't an actual lie, B) doesn't admit to any wrong-doing, C) keeps your customers calm and D) keeps your shareholder calm.
- Diederich 10y ago
  I generally agree with this, and it's been my consistent experience too. But since I'm in full-on Elon Musk fanboy mode right now, have you seen in him the exact opposite? He's extremely up-front about things, good, bad and ugly, and it's so refreshing. Additional tangent: I suspect that's what drew so many people to Trump and Sanders. Though it's hard for me to put both of them in the same sentence together, one thing they have in common is, at least, the appearance of being straightforward. In Sanders' case, I think he is truly being straightforward. </tangent>
  - dagw 10y ago
    He's extremely up-front about things, good, bad and ugly, and it's so refreshing. As much as I love Elon Musk as well, I have to admit that some of comments around Autopilot and the accidents and possible problems surrounding it have had a distinct whiff of corporate new-speak to them.
    - Diederich 10y ago
      I think I know what you're talking about, but to be clear, are you talking about his 'stern' tone about driver error? I won't disagree with that point.
      - selimthegrim 10y ago
        Do you remember Ferdinand Piech telling Americans they didn't know how to drive when the Audi acceleration thing was happening back in the late eighties?
        Diederich 10y ago
        I don't.
hyperpape 10y ago
Funny how many people are saying this is gibberish. I don't think it's gibberish, I think it's meaningful (though terribly bloated), and a lie. The PR-speak makes it generic enough that while it's a lie, it's a lie that can't easily be proven to be one. But it is one. They do not strive to stay ahead of threats: they grudgingly take some steps, without adequate resources.
- dmix 10y ago
  You're looking at this logically and rationally. That's not how PR works and I believe this is poor PR because it sounds fake, generic, and uninspiring. So they basically would have been in the same position had they said nothing at all. Which IMO greatly reflects Yahoo these days, they are simply maintaining the status quo. And that status quo is pure mediocrity from which they haven't shown any aptitude at reforming. This security breach handling is no different from the rest of their business. Yawn.
  - jessaustin 10y ago
    ...Yahoo these days, they are simply maintaining the status quo. Was there a time, this millennium, when that wasn't the case? I've never seen a Yahoo service I wanted to use. In 2001, I would have been shocked to learn that Yahoo would still exist in 2016.
ryandrake 10y ago
There's got to be a book of these, where you can fill in your company name and other details, Mad-lib style. "At [COMPANY] we take [THING WE SCREWED UP] very seriously. We will be launching an investigation into potential lapses of [THING WE SCREWED UP] and take steps to ensure it remains strong going forward." "Our customers' [THING WE LOST] is extremely important to us. It is [COMPANY]'s top priority to recover this [THING WE LOST]."
- jessaustin 10y ago
  Haha this reminds me of Grayson Moorhead's principles of business: We must take special care of the list with each client's name and the amount of money he has invested. If we were to lose that list, we would be ruined.
yuhong 10y ago
I have been thinking of Yishan-style CEOs with board of directors also tweeting a lot for a while now. It is time to move on.

radarsat1 10y ago

> Is the ability to talk plattitude-gibberish a requirement for such a job? Literally, yes?

saintwind 10y ago

That is their job, bruh.

engi_nerd 10y ago

Yes, it is, as I'm sure you know. Such nonsense talk is difficult to latch onto and attack precisely because it has the air of substance while actually saying nothing.

tmd83 10y ago
It reminds me of the scene from Foundation when analysis of a politicians multi day stay and conversation amounted to no words. He had literally said nothing.

chris_wot 10y ago

It's a deep understanding alright. They deeply understand that their security is utterly inadequate so they have to strive extra hard to try to secure their services. It appears they've been striving so hard they have given themselves a collective security haemorrhoid.

dagw 10y ago

Is the ability to talk plattitude-gibberish a requirement for such a job? It's not just a requirement, it is their job. How would you re-phrase that sentence in a way that A) isn't an actual lie, B) doesn't admit to any wrong-doing, C) keeps your customers calm and D) keeps your shareholder calm.

Diederich 10y ago
I generally agree with this, and it's been my consistent experience too. But since I'm in full-on Elon Musk fanboy mode right now, have you seen in him the exact opposite? He's extremely up-front about things, good, bad and ugly, and it's so refreshing. Additional tangent: I suspect that's what drew so many people to Trump and Sanders. Though it's hard for me to put both of them in the same sentence together, one thing they have in common is, at least, the appearance of being straightforward. In Sanders' case, I think he is truly being straightforward. </tangent>
- dagw 10y ago
  He's extremely up-front about things, good, bad and ugly, and it's so refreshing. As much as I love Elon Musk as well, I have to admit that some of comments around Autopilot and the accidents and possible problems surrounding it have had a distinct whiff of corporate new-speak to them.
  - Diederich 10y ago
    I think I know what you're talking about, but to be clear, are you talking about his 'stern' tone about driver error? I won't disagree with that point.
    - selimthegrim 10y ago
      Do you remember Ferdinand Piech telling Americans they didn't know how to drive when the Audi acceleration thing was happening back in the late eighties?
      - Diederich 10y ago
        I don't.

hyperpape 10y ago

Funny how many people are saying this is gibberish. I don't think it's gibberish, I think it's meaningful (though terribly bloated), and a lie. The PR-speak makes it generic enough that while it's a lie, it's a lie that can't easily be proven to be one. But it is one. They do not strive to stay ahead of threats: they grudgingly take some steps, without adequate resources.

dmix 10y ago
You're looking at this logically and rationally. That's not how PR works and I believe this is poor PR because it sounds fake, generic, and uninspiring. So they basically would have been in the same position had they said nothing at all. Which IMO greatly reflects Yahoo these days, they are simply maintaining the status quo. And that status quo is pure mediocrity from which they haven't shown any aptitude at reforming. This security breach handling is no different from the rest of their business. Yawn.
- jessaustin 10y ago
  ...Yahoo these days, they are simply maintaining the status quo. Was there a time, this millennium, when that wasn't the case? I've never seen a Yahoo service I wanted to use. In 2001, I would have been shocked to learn that Yahoo would still exist in 2016.

ryandrake 10y ago

There's got to be a book of these, where you can fill in your company name and other details, Mad-lib style. "At [COMPANY] we take [THING WE SCREWED UP] very seriously. We will be launching an investigation into potential lapses of [THING WE SCREWED UP] and take steps to ensure it remains strong going forward." "Our customers' [THING WE LOST] is extremely important to us. It is [COMPANY]'s top priority to recover this [THING WE LOST]."

jessaustin 10y ago
Haha this reminds me of Grayson Moorhead's principles of business: We must take special care of the list with each client's name and the amount of money he has invested. If we were to lose that list, we would be ruined.

yuhong 10y ago

I have been thinking of Yishan-style CEOs with board of directors also tweeting a lot for a while now. It is time to move on.