Wow. This resonates strongly. The parts I didn't mention, like for the 4 or 5 years of madness I could see the damage going on at home. We ended up so toxic to

Wow. This resonates strongly. The parts I didn't mention, like for the 4 or 5 years of madness I could see the damage going on at home. We ended up so toxic towards each other, I'd feel guilt for the staff at the business and my partner and kids. No choice was guilt free or win, so the pressure built quickly. Looking back I wish I'd let the staff go long before I did, and shutter the business far quicker. Walking away and getting a low pressure job for a year would have been better for everyone. Doing what I was doing for the family cost me the relationship. We had a good split, the now ex came back to help when I broke and helped deal with all the outstanding business things. We still talk, though she doesn't understand what's going on with me, but neither do I, and thinks I can snap out of it. I like your suggestions, the hacker me always wants to understand everything, so it appeals on many levels, and as you guessed medical options are a bit limited now. Thank you. With all the responses to my quick comment last night, and writing out my replies I've got a real lift today. I need to make progress from that. Thank you everyone.