A technique that I have found to be useful is to focus my attention on studying the people themselves, not the words they are saying. By that I mean I turn myse

A technique that I have found to be useful is to focus my attention on studying the people themselves, not the words they are saying. By that I mean I turn myself temporarily into a researcher who is watching people (not creepily), and trying to figure them out. I try to discover the reasons and purposes behind things such as facial expression and gesture, clothes and appearances, words and actions at the moment, different ways in which they (maybe involuntarily) interact with different people in the meeting, etc. etc. I know this sounds a bit cold but surely this is better than I repeatedly decline their invitations, isn't it? And my purpose is pure, I want to be more friendly. Surprisingly, it turns out that since experimenting with this technique I am actually happier than when in the old fake-engaging mode. Also the arsenal of my chit-chatting topics are expanding gloriously because of a better understanding of the persons in front of me. Most of the times the people(their personal histories, their intentions to be here, their appearances, etc.) are more interesting than whatever their words at the moment. As an example let's consider people's wardrobe, you can ask yourself why does this guy or that lady dress like that for this particular gathering? Did they put thoughts into choosing the clothes or they didn't? If you think they did choose carefully, what were their thoughts? What does the choice say about their personalities, their views on this gathering and people here, their background, etc. What information do this pair of shoes give out about their owner? Even such a small matter can give you a lot to chew on. At least for me this is not boring stuff. I have used this technique for a few years to a certain extent of success. I admit it's easier said than done. So when in meeting I try to split my attention into two halves, one on listening to the conversation itself(the words people are saying), the other half on studying the persons.