I think that's a reasonable approach you reap what you sow. To me when I hear someone say that an event would be soul crushing or something similar I'm going to

I think that's a reasonable approach you reap what you sow. To me when I hear someone say that an event would be soul crushing or something similar I'm going to go ahead and assume it's not people or a person they want to hang out with. And I was excluding things that are hurtful such as not honoring someone they cared about's celebration for them not you. Also, off the list was basic self preservation. OK, you're not likely to get fired for not attending the one yearly work event but it doesn't help with your reputation so it's not exactly good for the future. So there's a minimum to function as a human being and it's not much. Beyond that, if someone knows they won't have fun absolutely don't go. No obligation. No regrets.