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I can completely relate to the T-shirt mentioned in the first paragraph: “Sorry I’m late,” the T-shirt reads. “I didn’t want to be here.” The thing is that I e

I can completely relate to the T-shirt mentioned in the first paragraph: “Sorry I’m late,” the T-shirt reads. “I didn’t want to be here.” The thing is that I end up really glad I went about 90% of the time. So I'm not sure I qualify as an introvert or if I'm just a chicken shit extrovert. Either way, it's a big struggle. I do enjoy alone time a lot, though.

zzalpha 10y ago
Speaking as a fellow chicken shit extrovert, I can relate. I'm basically extroverted with very mild social anxiety, coupled with run-of-the-mill self-doubt/self-esteem issues. But once I get going, I code-switch to "outgoing guy" and I usually have a great time. Well, until I'm done, and then I'm done. :)
- marmot777 10y ago
  LOL. And i turn into a pumpkin (read: blithering idiot) at 10:00 pm at the latest if it's evening. It's just social exhaustion.
- marmot777 10y ago
  Disclaimer: No suggestion anyone I'm responding to does any of this... Weed sometimes helps, sometimes hurts, but usually hurts. The weed isn't helpful even if just meeting a couple friends for a beer who know I'm stoned. They aren't stoned so we're in a different space and it's harder to connect, leading to me getting left behind in the conversation. Not intellectually but more emotionally as in why less eye contact with me? I asked about it and sure enough, the answer was what I expected. And these are people who do do it occasionally so even for them they'd rather deal with me not high. Alcohol usually hurts. The ceremony of having a couple drinks with friends is the drinking together so it's not helpful to be halfway there already. And if it's non-drinking event, see above, same kind of problem. I find too much alcohol to be uncomfortable so I rarely go that route to prepare but I can see how it could seem appealing for people who like it more than I do.
Nav_Panel 10y ago
I feel the same way. After considering it, I've decided I'm halfway between an introvert and an extrovert (and also that I don't like telling people about it). Elaborating on halfway: when my "job" was "be social and go to class all day" and my leisure time was "hang around suburbs with the same crew of friends," I needed a lot of alone time to recharge and I'd be miserable going out. Now that my job is "write code all day" and my leisure time is "read books and work on music," I feel a heavy need to socialize, and I often enjoy going out. Just like many things, it's a spectrum, and everyone falls somewhere.
- LukeB_UK 10y ago
  I believe the term for that is social introvert.
  - marmot777 10y ago
    Social Introvert. Could you define that or do I have look it up? :-)
- marmot777 10y ago
  Yes, and I've worked at home for a number of years and have really gotten used to it. It makes a person sort of adjust to stillness and, frankly, loneliness. Yeah, the half way between idea works well. I think that the fear of socializing is all front loaded. For at least a couple days before anything, I'm anxious, and that usually dissipates once I arrive and get settled. The settled part is grounding. If I fail to ground successfully or if I flat out don't like being there, then the anxiety can continue the entire time I'm there. It's exhausting. I can see how someone having some experiences like that might conclude that's how it is. Not necessarily is what I'd say. Get grounded. Accept some fails. Easy for me to say sitting on my couch blissfully aware that I have no plans until tomorrow.
  - Nav_Panel 10y ago
    > I think that the fear of socializing is all front loaded I agree, at least when I'm in a non-social lifestyle (when I'm living a social "school" lifestyle then I get grumpy and look for ways to leave). I think living in a big city (NYC) "helps", because you have a lot of options available and because the loneliness can be so oppressive that it almost forces you out into some sort of social setting. Usually it helps me to have someone to go with. Then, (1) I can't bail because they're also depending on me, and (2) it gives me a little safety net to fall back on in case I'm having trouble socializing. That said, I've had great experiences going out alone, but it can be tough to get the conversation started (or tough to convince yourself to start a conversation) unless it's explicitly a meet-and-greet kinda thing.
chillwaves 10y ago
You're all over this thread (with good contributions) but this is the best. For me, I build up this fiction of how an event will be. How it will be awkward, how I will wish I was somewhere else doing something else. But it's just a fiction, and the truth is you never know until you try. Going in with an open mind or even trying to have fun instead of prejudging the event has a real effect on if I have a good time. Different people need different things, for me just a little optimism can do wonders.
- marmot777 10y ago
  Yes, last night I was all over this thread and thanks as I wasn't sure if it was too much, OK, or didn't matter in the slightest either way. Same problem IRL. :-) Yes, absolutely, you're right you never know until try it. I have something coming up that I 100% must go to by design, I'm responsible for it. Anxiety setting in and it's very likely if it weren't for the little trick, I'd talk myself out of going. I'd actively let people down if I don't go to this thing. Maybe that's how I should role from now on be front and center with some responsibility so I can't skip out without being a total asshole. :-) Note: people flip out with happiness when someone steps up and gets something going for other people. It's not that hard to do it either. Weird that more people don't do it.
- marmot777 10y ago
  OK, the thing I lead yesterday went well. There were a couple irritating people there but that's just people. The penalty for leaving the house is pretty low. :-)

zzalpha 10y ago

Speaking as a fellow chicken shit extrovert, I can relate. I'm basically extroverted with very mild social anxiety, coupled with run-of-the-mill self-doubt/self-esteem issues. But once I get going, I code-switch to "outgoing guy" and I usually have a great time. Well, until I'm done, and then I'm done. :)

marmot777 10y ago
LOL. And i turn into a pumpkin (read: blithering idiot) at 10:00 pm at the latest if it's evening. It's just social exhaustion.
marmot777 10y ago
Disclaimer: No suggestion anyone I'm responding to does any of this... Weed sometimes helps, sometimes hurts, but usually hurts. The weed isn't helpful even if just meeting a couple friends for a beer who know I'm stoned. They aren't stoned so we're in a different space and it's harder to connect, leading to me getting left behind in the conversation. Not intellectually but more emotionally as in why less eye contact with me? I asked about it and sure enough, the answer was what I expected. And these are people who do do it occasionally so even for them they'd rather deal with me not high. Alcohol usually hurts. The ceremony of having a couple drinks with friends is the drinking together so it's not helpful to be halfway there already. And if it's non-drinking event, see above, same kind of problem. I find too much alcohol to be uncomfortable so I rarely go that route to prepare but I can see how it could seem appealing for people who like it more than I do.

Nav_Panel 10y ago

I feel the same way. After considering it, I've decided I'm halfway between an introvert and an extrovert (and also that I don't like telling people about it). Elaborating on halfway: when my "job" was "be social and go to class all day" and my leisure time was "hang around suburbs with the same crew of friends," I needed a lot of alone time to recharge and I'd be miserable going out. Now that my job is "write code all day" and my leisure time is "read books and work on music," I feel a heavy need to socialize, and I often enjoy going out. Just like many things, it's a spectrum, and everyone falls somewhere.

LukeB_UK 10y ago
I believe the term for that is social introvert.
- marmot777 10y ago
  Social Introvert. Could you define that or do I have look it up? :-)
marmot777 10y ago
Yes, and I've worked at home for a number of years and have really gotten used to it. It makes a person sort of adjust to stillness and, frankly, loneliness. Yeah, the half way between idea works well. I think that the fear of socializing is all front loaded. For at least a couple days before anything, I'm anxious, and that usually dissipates once I arrive and get settled. The settled part is grounding. If I fail to ground successfully or if I flat out don't like being there, then the anxiety can continue the entire time I'm there. It's exhausting. I can see how someone having some experiences like that might conclude that's how it is. Not necessarily is what I'd say. Get grounded. Accept some fails. Easy for me to say sitting on my couch blissfully aware that I have no plans until tomorrow.
- Nav_Panel 10y ago
  > I think that the fear of socializing is all front loaded I agree, at least when I'm in a non-social lifestyle (when I'm living a social "school" lifestyle then I get grumpy and look for ways to leave). I think living in a big city (NYC) "helps", because you have a lot of options available and because the loneliness can be so oppressive that it almost forces you out into some sort of social setting. Usually it helps me to have someone to go with. Then, (1) I can't bail because they're also depending on me, and (2) it gives me a little safety net to fall back on in case I'm having trouble socializing. That said, I've had great experiences going out alone, but it can be tough to get the conversation started (or tough to convince yourself to start a conversation) unless it's explicitly a meet-and-greet kinda thing.

chillwaves 10y ago

You're all over this thread (with good contributions) but this is the best. For me, I build up this fiction of how an event will be. How it will be awkward, how I will wish I was somewhere else doing something else. But it's just a fiction, and the truth is you never know until you try. Going in with an open mind or even trying to have fun instead of prejudging the event has a real effect on if I have a good time. Different people need different things, for me just a little optimism can do wonders.

marmot777 10y ago
Yes, last night I was all over this thread and thanks as I wasn't sure if it was too much, OK, or didn't matter in the slightest either way. Same problem IRL. :-) Yes, absolutely, you're right you never know until try it. I have something coming up that I 100% must go to by design, I'm responsible for it. Anxiety setting in and it's very likely if it weren't for the little trick, I'd talk myself out of going. I'd actively let people down if I don't go to this thing. Maybe that's how I should role from now on be front and center with some responsibility so I can't skip out without being a total asshole. :-) Note: people flip out with happiness when someone steps up and gets something going for other people. It's not that hard to do it either. Weird that more people don't do it.
marmot777 10y ago
OK, the thing I lead yesterday went well. There were a couple irritating people there but that's just people. The penalty for leaving the house is pretty low. :-)