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I feel for you but please, please don't let email be the channel that has a hold on you. Pick another one to be a slave to. Is it work or personal? If it's work

I feel for you but please, please don't let email be the channel that has a hold on you. Pick another one to be a slave to. Is it work or personal? If it's work is it urgent? I ask these questions because you could set some rules on email. I check my personal email once per day. My masters are facebook and text.

sliverstorm 10y ago
Personal. Work email is there for the calendar sync (very useful), but I feel little compulsion to check it. For a while I completely removed email from my phone, but that was a pain when I legitimately needed, for example, an RMA number while standing in the post office. You're right, rules plus zero notifications would probably work well. Or, perhaps enable notifications and set it to check only once a day.
- marmot777 10y ago
  You're actually lucky that email's your poison. It's the most aync mode out there, especially if people adjust to not receiving an immediate response. I have friends that have trained me not to expect an immediate response to texts so I know it's possible to use text more async for everything that's not urgent. If not responding immediately is your default, it's not a break from your normal behavior to delay. I'd like to attempt this one for text as that would remove the temptation to break focus on another activity to check my phone. If I text some people right now with a mundane little thing I know who I will hear back from in 2 minutes, 24 hours, and never. It wasn't worth responding to. That's a good friend, ignores you when you're lame.
  - marmot777 10y ago
    My son, like all 4 year olds I think, are fully human, in tune with the moment, developing ego but still open. I picked my son up from school and we were playing, then I reached for my phone, noticing the shift in his facial expression from happy to subtle concern and disappointment. He knows that device creates distance in real life. Then we discussed some topic that I decided could be better handled by Youtube. As soon as the video started he got sucked in and I let him watch a couple vides then had to pull him off the thing, which he promptly forgot about as that was the past. I'm sure the reason I noticed is this thread got me thinking. But beyond that it occurred to me that there should be some sort of code. Other people might have a different code but I hope to god we all could at least share item number 1. I think that prison is too soft a hell for someone who kills another human because they were texting or any other distraction. Let me know if someone already has a better list on Huffpo or somewhere. 1. Harm none. The most obvious implication of this is NEVER, EVER, touch your phone while driving. Pull the fuck over. Don't take a chance on killing another human being for digital crack. The rest is subordinate to this first principle. I don't use any devices while driving but I'm writing it down to reinforce this, helping me to resist temptation. 2. Choose who you're with. Don't use the device for more than the most basic communication (i.e., coordination of plans) when in the presence of other human beings, especially my son. Sure, snap a couple pictures but put it away and leave it. My son is 4 and so it's more obvious that if I'm on any device, I'm valuing that activity over him. I feel I learn something about human beings here that should be obvious because a child is the base we come from. 3. Have fun and keep learning. Online's awesome. Ok, it's a pretty thin set of principles that took me a few minutes to compose, but it'll serve my purposes until I'm ready to add another item but it's very likely that other items don't need to be codified. I wonder if making a list like this is a thing or am I a nut? Maybe both...
    - TeMPOraL 10y ago
      I like your set of principles. Many people seem to polarize on their issues; either they're falling for the "digital crack", or they treat this as unnatural and will get angry if you so much as look at your phone when in their presence. Principle 1 is fortunately widely recognized. Laws and social pressure seem to be doing a good job enforcing this principle even on people who for some reason don't recognize it on their own. Anecdote - the other day we had a cow-orker admit to using phone without a headset/loudspeaker while driving, and man, I've never seen so much social pressure I saw there. Instant and strong (but polite) disapproval of our entire room. Principle 2 - the way I see it, it's not really about focus. I can talk with people while playing 2048 on my phone all day long. It's about signalling and manners. Most of the time, if you pull up your smartphone to do something unrelated while talking with people, you'll be signalling you don't think they (or what they're saying) are important. Even if you can focus on them but you have some kind of ADHD like I seem to have. It's not about your focus, it's about their perception. That's why I don't have a problem seeing (usually young) people talking while each doing something on their own phone. They all know that smartphone use doesn't preclude paying attention. But it works only with people who share this belief, so when in doubt - keep the phone in your pocket. Principle 3 - couldn't agree more :).
      - marmot777 10y ago
        I agree with you on the social signaling. If you're on your phone with someone else and they're cool with you chatting while you do something else then that's cool, of course. The spirit of item 2 was more when it's not cool. One principle 1 I 100% agree with the disapproval. Studies show that the distraction of talking on a cell while driving is present whether the driver uses hands free or not. Given the data, it's appropriate to express disapproval of this activity just as it's appropriate to express disapproval at someone talking about how they drove drunk. Though to be fair to drunks, I think distracted drivers kill more people now but I could be wrong.
      - marmot777 10y ago
        And by the way, on item 2, I don't care what other people do. It's not that important. It's none of my business. That rule is meant for me because I don't do divided attention well and, for example, my 4 year old deserves full attention on the moment when we're together. It's not all the time as his mom and I aren't together so undivided attention becomes even more important. The only one I judge people on is item 1 because it's demonstrably dangerous. In the same way that I don't judge people on how much they drink as long as they don't use their car as a weapon, the same goes for people's device habits. Stay jacked in 24/7 but don't run over the mom with the baby carriage and don't plow into that car because something unexpected happened that you'd have been able to successfully react to if you'd not shifted focus. I think it's fair to say that micro seconds count and can make the difference between someone dies a violent death of convulsions and foaming mouth and someone's pissed off and goes home in a bit of a huff.
  - TeMPOraL 10y ago
    Yeah, I've taught pretty much everyone I know that I answer messages at random, but I'm instantly reachable in an emergency. A big part of that was also teaching people that I rarely pick up the phone - if it's important, they can text me, and I'll happily call back. The way I see it, people will communicate with you the way you allow; if you let everyone expect that you're always available, you'll be spammed with trivialities all the time. Many people don't have the manners (for lack of better word) and self-awareness to understand their issue is trivial and not worth breaking someone's focus by forcing synchronous communication on them.
    - marmot777 10y ago
      LOL. I had a problem like that with my ex, we'd have massive fights conducted 100% through text. I'd complaint to friends about how out of hand it was getting. More than one person suggested why don't you just not respond? It hadn't even occurred to me as an option. It seems like common sense but there's no obligation to respond immediately or at all to a text or any other channel when it's going down a path that's not ideal or if you'd prefer another channel or IRL to continue the discussion. Text has to be THE WORST place to attempt a serious conversation of any sort, email is about as bad, phone's a big improvement, face-to-face is where it's at ideally.
- TeMPOraL 10y ago
  I deal with that by making myself check e-mail only on several pre-planned occasions during the day (or in cases of total downtime, e.g. when I'm commuting and too tired to read a book) - and then ignoring it, along with social media, for the blocks of time I want to spend doing things. I didn't disable notifications on my phone (though I switch the phone to silent and watch to quiet time mode when I'm focusing hard), so I'm often aware if there's a message waiting; I just ignore it until the scheduled time. One thing I found helpful here to is reducing the amount of incoming e-mail. I used to receive several dozen messages a day. Over the course of a week I unsubscribed from every newsletter and e-mail notification service that I didn't used or strongly cared about; this reduced the daily private mail influx to about 10 messages a day. It's easier not to check for new e-mail if there's nothing to check for :). It took a few days to get used to this routine, but I don't really feel a compulsion to check e-mail anymore. Since I also limited my social media use at the same time (disabling as much notifications as possible), I pretty much don't use Facebook anymore. It came naturally.

sliverstorm 10y ago

Personal. Work email is there for the calendar sync (very useful), but I feel little compulsion to check it. For a while I completely removed email from my phone, but that was a pain when I legitimately needed, for example, an RMA number while standing in the post office. You're right, rules plus zero notifications would probably work well. Or, perhaps enable notifications and set it to check only once a day.

marmot777 10y ago
You're actually lucky that email's your poison. It's the most aync mode out there, especially if people adjust to not receiving an immediate response. I have friends that have trained me not to expect an immediate response to texts so I know it's possible to use text more async for everything that's not urgent. If not responding immediately is your default, it's not a break from your normal behavior to delay. I'd like to attempt this one for text as that would remove the temptation to break focus on another activity to check my phone. If I text some people right now with a mundane little thing I know who I will hear back from in 2 minutes, 24 hours, and never. It wasn't worth responding to. That's a good friend, ignores you when you're lame.
- marmot777 10y ago
  My son, like all 4 year olds I think, are fully human, in tune with the moment, developing ego but still open. I picked my son up from school and we were playing, then I reached for my phone, noticing the shift in his facial expression from happy to subtle concern and disappointment. He knows that device creates distance in real life. Then we discussed some topic that I decided could be better handled by Youtube. As soon as the video started he got sucked in and I let him watch a couple vides then had to pull him off the thing, which he promptly forgot about as that was the past. I'm sure the reason I noticed is this thread got me thinking. But beyond that it occurred to me that there should be some sort of code. Other people might have a different code but I hope to god we all could at least share item number 1. I think that prison is too soft a hell for someone who kills another human because they were texting or any other distraction. Let me know if someone already has a better list on Huffpo or somewhere. 1. Harm none. The most obvious implication of this is NEVER, EVER, touch your phone while driving. Pull the fuck over. Don't take a chance on killing another human being for digital crack. The rest is subordinate to this first principle. I don't use any devices while driving but I'm writing it down to reinforce this, helping me to resist temptation. 2. Choose who you're with. Don't use the device for more than the most basic communication (i.e., coordination of plans) when in the presence of other human beings, especially my son. Sure, snap a couple pictures but put it away and leave it. My son is 4 and so it's more obvious that if I'm on any device, I'm valuing that activity over him. I feel I learn something about human beings here that should be obvious because a child is the base we come from. 3. Have fun and keep learning. Online's awesome. Ok, it's a pretty thin set of principles that took me a few minutes to compose, but it'll serve my purposes until I'm ready to add another item but it's very likely that other items don't need to be codified. I wonder if making a list like this is a thing or am I a nut? Maybe both...
  - TeMPOraL 10y ago
    I like your set of principles. Many people seem to polarize on their issues; either they're falling for the "digital crack", or they treat this as unnatural and will get angry if you so much as look at your phone when in their presence. Principle 1 is fortunately widely recognized. Laws and social pressure seem to be doing a good job enforcing this principle even on people who for some reason don't recognize it on their own. Anecdote - the other day we had a cow-orker admit to using phone without a headset/loudspeaker while driving, and man, I've never seen so much social pressure I saw there. Instant and strong (but polite) disapproval of our entire room. Principle 2 - the way I see it, it's not really about focus. I can talk with people while playing 2048 on my phone all day long. It's about signalling and manners. Most of the time, if you pull up your smartphone to do something unrelated while talking with people, you'll be signalling you don't think they (or what they're saying) are important. Even if you can focus on them but you have some kind of ADHD like I seem to have. It's not about your focus, it's about their perception. That's why I don't have a problem seeing (usually young) people talking while each doing something on their own phone. They all know that smartphone use doesn't preclude paying attention. But it works only with people who share this belief, so when in doubt - keep the phone in your pocket. Principle 3 - couldn't agree more :).
    - marmot777 10y ago
      I agree with you on the social signaling. If you're on your phone with someone else and they're cool with you chatting while you do something else then that's cool, of course. The spirit of item 2 was more when it's not cool. One principle 1 I 100% agree with the disapproval. Studies show that the distraction of talking on a cell while driving is present whether the driver uses hands free or not. Given the data, it's appropriate to express disapproval of this activity just as it's appropriate to express disapproval at someone talking about how they drove drunk. Though to be fair to drunks, I think distracted drivers kill more people now but I could be wrong.
    - marmot777 10y ago
      And by the way, on item 2, I don't care what other people do. It's not that important. It's none of my business. That rule is meant for me because I don't do divided attention well and, for example, my 4 year old deserves full attention on the moment when we're together. It's not all the time as his mom and I aren't together so undivided attention becomes even more important. The only one I judge people on is item 1 because it's demonstrably dangerous. In the same way that I don't judge people on how much they drink as long as they don't use their car as a weapon, the same goes for people's device habits. Stay jacked in 24/7 but don't run over the mom with the baby carriage and don't plow into that car because something unexpected happened that you'd have been able to successfully react to if you'd not shifted focus. I think it's fair to say that micro seconds count and can make the difference between someone dies a violent death of convulsions and foaming mouth and someone's pissed off and goes home in a bit of a huff.
- TeMPOraL 10y ago
  Yeah, I've taught pretty much everyone I know that I answer messages at random, but I'm instantly reachable in an emergency. A big part of that was also teaching people that I rarely pick up the phone - if it's important, they can text me, and I'll happily call back. The way I see it, people will communicate with you the way you allow; if you let everyone expect that you're always available, you'll be spammed with trivialities all the time. Many people don't have the manners (for lack of better word) and self-awareness to understand their issue is trivial and not worth breaking someone's focus by forcing synchronous communication on them.
  - marmot777 10y ago
    LOL. I had a problem like that with my ex, we'd have massive fights conducted 100% through text. I'd complaint to friends about how out of hand it was getting. More than one person suggested why don't you just not respond? It hadn't even occurred to me as an option. It seems like common sense but there's no obligation to respond immediately or at all to a text or any other channel when it's going down a path that's not ideal or if you'd prefer another channel or IRL to continue the discussion. Text has to be THE WORST place to attempt a serious conversation of any sort, email is about as bad, phone's a big improvement, face-to-face is where it's at ideally.
TeMPOraL 10y ago
I deal with that by making myself check e-mail only on several pre-planned occasions during the day (or in cases of total downtime, e.g. when I'm commuting and too tired to read a book) - and then ignoring it, along with social media, for the blocks of time I want to spend doing things. I didn't disable notifications on my phone (though I switch the phone to silent and watch to quiet time mode when I'm focusing hard), so I'm often aware if there's a message waiting; I just ignore it until the scheduled time. One thing I found helpful here to is reducing the amount of incoming e-mail. I used to receive several dozen messages a day. Over the course of a week I unsubscribed from every newsletter and e-mail notification service that I didn't used or strongly cared about; this reduced the daily private mail influx to about 10 messages a day. It's easier not to check for new e-mail if there's nothing to check for :). It took a few days to get used to this routine, but I don't really feel a compulsion to check e-mail anymore. Since I also limited my social media use at the same time (disabling as much notifications as possible), I pretty much don't use Facebook anymore. It came naturally.