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What do you do if the situation you are in do not allow time to sit down and perform deep introspective behavior? I find myself very easily falling into introsp

What do you do if the situation you are in do not allow time to sit down and perform deep introspective behavior? I find myself very easily falling into introspection to the point where my mind often cries out for it if I go without for a while. However, my current work and the balancing of multiple careers (as a programmer, as a writer) and social obligations mean I often don't have time and feel intense stress/distress at the inability to commune with myself for long periods of time. I also know I suffered greatly in college due to similar distress. How does one find the time to oneself when the world demands ones time?

rpeden 10y ago
The world can demand your time, but that doesn't mean you have to give it your time. Your careers are social obligations are all things you do by choice. I'm not saying you can drop all your careers and live without money, but you have the power to make career related decisions that will give you more time for yourself. Can you temporarily pause one of your careers to give you more time with yourself? Are your social obligations all meaningful to you? If not, it's okay to say no when invited to events that aren't meaningful to you in some way. You end up with obligations because you choose to take them on. You have the power to choose yourself instead, at least some of the time. At you end of the day, if you don't make time for introspection and relaxation, you might find yourself burned out and failing to meet your obligations no matter how hard you try to work.
marmot777 10y ago
Even people with careers and kids manage to fit it in. I'm not a person who's good at fitting things in but I've seen it done. :-)
Capt-RogerOver 10y ago
Well all the practical advice still work: eat well(!), excercise, have a proper sleep schedule, read good books, and even yes, hard-limiting time spend on social media - they all still work. I just meant that all those things also do take time and, more importantly energy. Like the mental energy to keep yourself from looking at facebook, or the energy to keep an excercise schedule, etc. And so after a certain point, you should switch more of that energy from "dumb" solutions to more intelligent, deep and wise solutions like introspection, meditation, specific work with your fears/feelings ("shadow work" as some call it), going through important memories, talking about this with your loved ones, etc. etc. > the point where my mind often cries out for it if I go without for a while. Especially when you notice that some part of you cries out for something like this - is usually a very good time to find time and energy to do this. Your system actually tells you what you need. And even if nothing superbad happens if you ignore such signals every once in a while, if you repeatedly ignore them - the signals will stop coming and you'll become even less conscious about this part of your life. Until this behavior will cause some actual crisis (life, social, health, mental health, you name it) that will actually force you to return to listening to your signals. But it will be much more comfortable and better in the long run if you don't let it come to this and listen to them already, especially if you are even at this point already sensitive enough to recognize them. (Many people don't even recognize such internal signals, so it's actually pretty great that you have this.) > How does one find the time to oneself when the world demands ones time? If I try to put it simply, it's by recognizing that you are actually a more important and close being to you, than the world around you, or your obligations, your practical goals, work, or sometimes even people who try get something from you. Recognizing that giving yourself the needed energy and attention is actually the best way to achieve the life you actually want, even if it would mean giving up on some external things.
rabidrat 10y ago
It doesn't have to be for long periods of time. 30-60 minutes a day of quiet sitting (sometimes called 'meditation') is sufficient to get your mind on an unconscious self-development track for the rest of your day. If you have a hard time squeezing even this out, then you might try "pay yourself first". The same tactic that's helpful for saving dollars, is helpful for creating the space for introspection. Doesn't matter if your work deadline is looming, or writing needs doing, as long as there's no physical emergency, the 30 minutes of planned sitting is priority.
jsprogrammer 10y ago
You can take time when you need it. Why do you need two careers? Aren't programming and writing the same thing? Take a break from one for a week or two and use that time to talk to yourself.
- SolaceQuantum 10y ago
  Writing gives me a reason to live. Programming gives me an enjoyable means to live. A bit of a hyperbole but there are things in my mind that can only be acceptably expressed and understood by others when I write them as fictional worlds. Things programming can't express.
PeterisP 10y ago
Some food for thought. I heard a very interesting answer from a meditation teacher to the simple question "How much should I meditate?" which went something like this, paraphrasing: "Generally, if it's not a major part of your life, 15 minutes every day would be most appropriate to gain positive benefits from the practice. However, if you're extremely busy while balancing many obligations and absolutely don't have the time to take 10-15 minutes every day, then you should take an hour. Possibly two. That is a sign that you need it far more than others." Others may generally get similar other "recharging" introspective activities during their less frantic day. It's like asking how much water you should drink - drink a glass. But if you're so dehydrated that you can't lift the glass to your mouth, then you need far more than that. Feeling intense stress at inability to commune with yourself is just as severe symptom as dehydration; in the first world far more people die from that than from thirst. Having many obligations doesn't necessarily mean that the best way to fulfill them is to spend all your time directly on them and no time on yourself to be able to do them effectively - especially in intellectual creative work. As in the classic parable of "sharpening the saw" (e.g. https://betterlifecoachingblog.com/2010/10/11/sharpening-the-saw-a-story-about-continued-development/ https://betterlifecoachingblog.com/2010/10/11/sharpening-the... lists it). If you have 8 hours to write an article or a software feature, then spending 3 hours to catch up on sleep debt, 1 on exercise and medidation and 4 hours on actual writing can easily mean more and better results than just working through that. I certainly have my share of late night work that was extremely unproductive due to tiredness and ultimately had negative value due to the unreasonable rate of introduced bugs - with hindsight, doing that work was a mistake, and simply sleeping to recharge for the next day would be more productive. Also, if you say that you're suffering, that indicates that a change is needed. Much of our obligations are ultimately self-imposed and can be adjusted in long term. When the world demands something that you cannot sustainably give, saying 'no' is not a possibility, but a necessity.

rpeden 10y ago

The world can demand your time, but that doesn't mean you have to give it your time. Your careers are social obligations are all things you do by choice. I'm not saying you can drop all your careers and live without money, but you have the power to make career related decisions that will give you more time for yourself. Can you temporarily pause one of your careers to give you more time with yourself? Are your social obligations all meaningful to you? If not, it's okay to say no when invited to events that aren't meaningful to you in some way. You end up with obligations because you choose to take them on. You have the power to choose yourself instead, at least some of the time. At you end of the day, if you don't make time for introspection and relaxation, you might find yourself burned out and failing to meet your obligations no matter how hard you try to work.

marmot777 10y ago

Even people with careers and kids manage to fit it in. I'm not a person who's good at fitting things in but I've seen it done. :-)

Capt-RogerOver 10y ago

Well all the practical advice still work: eat well(!), excercise, have a proper sleep schedule, read good books, and even yes, hard-limiting time spend on social media - they all still work. I just meant that all those things also do take time and, more importantly energy. Like the mental energy to keep yourself from looking at facebook, or the energy to keep an excercise schedule, etc. And so after a certain point, you should switch more of that energy from "dumb" solutions to more intelligent, deep and wise solutions like introspection, meditation, specific work with your fears/feelings ("shadow work" as some call it), going through important memories, talking about this with your loved ones, etc. etc. > the point where my mind often cries out for it if I go without for a while. Especially when you notice that some part of you cries out for something like this - is usually a very good time to find time and energy to do this. Your system actually tells you what you need. And even if nothing superbad happens if you ignore such signals every once in a while, if you repeatedly ignore them - the signals will stop coming and you'll become even less conscious about this part of your life. Until this behavior will cause some actual crisis (life, social, health, mental health, you name it) that will actually force you to return to listening to your signals. But it will be much more comfortable and better in the long run if you don't let it come to this and listen to them already, especially if you are even at this point already sensitive enough to recognize them. (Many people don't even recognize such internal signals, so it's actually pretty great that you have this.) > How does one find the time to oneself when the world demands ones time? If I try to put it simply, it's by recognizing that you are actually a more important and close being to you, than the world around you, or your obligations, your practical goals, work, or sometimes even people who try get something from you. Recognizing that giving yourself the needed energy and attention is actually the best way to achieve the life you actually want, even if it would mean giving up on some external things.

rabidrat 10y ago

It doesn't have to be for long periods of time. 30-60 minutes a day of quiet sitting (sometimes called 'meditation') is sufficient to get your mind on an unconscious self-development track for the rest of your day. If you have a hard time squeezing even this out, then you might try "pay yourself first". The same tactic that's helpful for saving dollars, is helpful for creating the space for introspection. Doesn't matter if your work deadline is looming, or writing needs doing, as long as there's no physical emergency, the 30 minutes of planned sitting is priority.

jsprogrammer 10y ago

You can take time when you need it. Why do you need two careers? Aren't programming and writing the same thing? Take a break from one for a week or two and use that time to talk to yourself.

SolaceQuantum 10y ago
Writing gives me a reason to live. Programming gives me an enjoyable means to live. A bit of a hyperbole but there are things in my mind that can only be acceptably expressed and understood by others when I write them as fictional worlds. Things programming can't express.

PeterisP 10y ago

Some food for thought. I heard a very interesting answer from a meditation teacher to the simple question "How much should I meditate?" which went something like this, paraphrasing: "Generally, if it's not a major part of your life, 15 minutes every day would be most appropriate to gain positive benefits from the practice. However, if you're extremely busy while balancing many obligations and absolutely don't have the time to take 10-15 minutes every day, then you should take an hour. Possibly two. That is a sign that you need it far more than others." Others may generally get similar other "recharging" introspective activities during their less frantic day. It's like asking how much water you should drink - drink a glass. But if you're so dehydrated that you can't lift the glass to your mouth, then you need far more than that. Feeling intense stress at inability to commune with yourself is just as severe symptom as dehydration; in the first world far more people die from that than from thirst. Having many obligations doesn't necessarily mean that the best way to fulfill them is to spend all your time directly on them and no time on yourself to be able to do them effectively - especially in intellectual creative work. As in the classic parable of "sharpening the saw" (e.g. https://betterlifecoachingblog.com/2010/10/11/sharpening-the-saw-a-story-about-continued-development/ https://betterlifecoachingblog.com/2010/10/11/sharpening-the... lists it). If you have 8 hours to write an article or a software feature, then spending 3 hours to catch up on sleep debt, 1 on exercise and medidation and 4 hours on actual writing can easily mean more and better results than just working through that. I certainly have my share of late night work that was extremely unproductive due to tiredness and ultimately had negative value due to the unreasonable rate of introduced bugs - with hindsight, doing that work was a mistake, and simply sleeping to recharge for the next day would be more productive. Also, if you say that you're suffering, that indicates that a change is needed. Much of our obligations are ultimately self-imposed and can be adjusted in long term. When the world demands something that you cannot sustainably give, saying 'no' is not a possibility, but a necessity.