4 ms·

Oh man, just coming out of the dark times (it's hard for the first few months), my little babyface is a bit over 6 months old. Everyone likes to offer un-asked

Oh man, just coming out of the dark times (it's hard for the first few months), my little babyface is a bit over 6 months old. Everyone likes to offer un-asked for advice, and I'm no exception, but sleep sleep sleep. Bank it as much as possible before it's gone. Sleep dep is easily the worst part of being a new parent, it makes your brain go funny and makes it hard to cope with things. Be prepared to feel super depressed about your work performance for the next six months. That one actually hit me hard - your brain is how you do your job and your brain doesn't work properly for the first six months, so it's incredibly demoralizing. Lots of rewarding things in there too, but man, there's definitely a trough of sorrow you go through at the beginning!

eggy 10y ago
On my third child, and my ex-wife, and my current wife or I have never had a sleep issue. We made it a point to put them in bed with us from the get go. No crib or sleeper. Breast fed, and we all slept fine with the occasional sickness or hot day making sleep a bit difficult for everybody. The babies tend to sleep better and wake less when they hear breathing and heartbeats nearby is my guess. That and both of my wives were/are very adept at breastfeeding in bed on their sides. I count myself lucky!
- timtadh 10y ago
  It is very dangerous to sleep with your baby. I know that many people in many cultures do sleep with their babies but you should not. There are several ways it can result in the baby dying: 1. You can suffocate the baby by breathing on their face while you are asleep. The baby will not cry and will not wake while this is occurring. 2. You can crush your baby by rolling on to them while you are asleep. 3. Your baby can suffocate from their nose and mouth being covered by a blanket or pillow or even the soft mattress if they are get rolled over. These very sad infant deaths happen frequently even in the US where co-sleeping is not as common as elsewhere in the world. Here are some recent news articles: http://www.nola.com/health/index.ssf/2016/04/co-sleeping_deaths_st_tammany.html http://www.nola.com/health/index.ssf/2016/04/co-sleeping_dea... , http://woodtv.com/2015/06/05/mom-hopes-babys-co-sleeping-death-warns-others/ http://woodtv.com/2015/06/05/mom-hopes-babys-co-sleeping-dea... Co-sleeping advocates will tell you "as long as you do it safely you can sleep with your newborn." This is false. There is no safe way to sleep with a newborn. Newborns cannot turn their heads away if you breath on them. They cannot move if you get too close. While, many parents sleep with their babies and the babies do not die that does not mean that it is safe. Update: The mayo-clinics prevention guide for SIDS: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/sudden-infant-death-syndrome/basics/prevention/con-20020269 http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/sudden-infant-... . TLDR; Newborn babies should sleep by themselves on their back in a crib with no stuffed animals, pillows, or "crib pads." Another note: http://thescientificparent.org/crib-notes-is-cosleeping-really-unsafe/ http://thescientificparent.org/crib-notes-is-cosleeping-real...
  - Faaak 10y ago
    You can actually divide the bed into two parts: for you and for the baby, so you don't risk crushing it. The baby still feels the beats and sleeps better.
    - eggy 10y ago
      We always put them between us, and I have always preferred my mattress, or bedding right on the floor since my early 20s.
  - eggy 10y ago
    I've read many reports and studies. My first child was 1997, and my current was born in 2014. Parenting is a very personal issue, and I am not on a mission to change anybody's parenting decisions. At the end of the day, it is your family business. I have always questioned things, though, and I was very surprised at some of the things I learned when I first looked into co-sleeping and the warnings from mainly US institutions or government. The ads and posters are creepy to an extreme (a sleeping baby next to a meat cleaver!), and betray the scare propaganda vs. data approach [1]. >There is no safe way to sleep with a newborn. You state this, and yet you list common sense things or precautions to take even if they are in a crib. Why not the same common sense applied to co-sleeping? Firm mattress, on back, no pillow, or headboard they can jam a bodypart through? "The United States has a higher infant mortality rate than any of the other 27 wealthy countries..." by the CDC [2]. And this is with one of the highest expenditures on health care than other nations. And it gets worse as the baby ages in the postnatal period, so it is not just more premies or bad neonatal care where the US is not as bad. The sharp difference is in disadvantaged or uneducated groups. A poor person's baby in another wealthier nation has more of a chance than one in the US, and that is the key to the disparity. In one of your links they cite a waterbed! I think if co-sleeping deaths are lower elsewhere than in the US it is for lack of education, common sense, parenting knowledge or all three. I am from the US. I raised my first two there, and now I live in a very poor village in East Java, Indonesia where most of the houses have dirt floors. All of the families in this village co-sleep as far as I have seen or had answered to me. I still apply the same common sense guidelines we both have listed in our replies. For me and my family, we feel the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. We kept the newborns flat on their backs with no loose sheets to entangle them, or other accessories. We have always had fairly firm mattresses. We don't drink alcohol, and we are not hypermobile sleepers. We are also strangely aware of where the baby is, and we still manage to get more sleep distributed across the night between smaller, more frequent feedings. I loved waking up to watch my little ones' chests rise and fall! I'd say we were more diligent and aware and monitoring them against SIDS than if we had them in a crib in another room with audio monitor, across the same room, or at the bedside. The US report which cites deaths from co-sleeping didn't bother to check or factor in drugs or alcohol. There is also the potential of the horrible MBPS (Munchausen By Proxy Syndrome) not discovered in some cases. The article of the Arizona parents that left their 2 year old in the house alone, only to be discovered walking outside while they were gone for two hours playing Pokemon speaks to the level of idiocy of some parents, so I am sure in a country of 320 million you will have some numbers to cite if that is the sample population. SIDS is said to increase with co-sleeping, although again, the studies are not too detailed, and the same recommendations then go on to say SIDS decreases when it's a bassinet opened to the bed as opposed to in another room or across the room. [1] http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/16/co-sleeping-ad-baby-knife-dangers_n_1097170.html http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/16/co-sleeping-ad-baby... [2] https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2014/09/29/our-infant-mortality-rate-is-a-national-embarrassment/ https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2014/09/29/our-i...
- cullenking 10y ago
  Glad that worked for you, but bed or not, there's a ton of fussing that's going to happen. Maybe your kids were different, but in my experience the bed just means they fall asleep faster (which is nice, not going to argue that), it doesn't prevent your baby from waking up every 2 hours all night.
  - eggy 10y ago
    Yes, the bed was quick, and in the first six weeks there is some fussing, but the pattern gets established quickly if it is routine. I may have been lucky with all three; we never had so much fussing. Waking up every 2 to 3 hours, but mildly and not turning on lights or getting up for a diaper change. My son was only one who really cried, but usually during the day when overtired, or gas, or whatever. He didn't cry when in bed at night.
ska 10y ago
There doesn't seem to be much evidence that you can bank sleep effectively for anything but very short term deprivation, and even that is a bit mixed. Your points about the effect of sleep dep ring true. Maybe the effective message isn't "sleep now" but "if you can, do anything now that will be mentally taxing, and avoid it in the next 6 mo or so"
ashark 10y ago
Trading sleep-in days on the weekend helps. And split the night up. Some people both get up every single time the baby wakes up, and don't do sleep in days on the weekend. I think these people are insane.
- cullenking 10y ago
  We now have a good rhythm - wife lets me sleep through the night and I get up at 5:30am with Felix and let her sleep for another couple hours. Didn't really work great at the beginning.

eggy 10y ago

On my third child, and my ex-wife, and my current wife or I have never had a sleep issue. We made it a point to put them in bed with us from the get go. No crib or sleeper. Breast fed, and we all slept fine with the occasional sickness or hot day making sleep a bit difficult for everybody. The babies tend to sleep better and wake less when they hear breathing and heartbeats nearby is my guess. That and both of my wives were/are very adept at breastfeeding in bed on their sides. I count myself lucky!

timtadh 10y ago
It is very dangerous to sleep with your baby. I know that many people in many cultures do sleep with their babies but you should not. There are several ways it can result in the baby dying: 1. You can suffocate the baby by breathing on their face while you are asleep. The baby will not cry and will not wake while this is occurring. 2. You can crush your baby by rolling on to them while you are asleep. 3. Your baby can suffocate from their nose and mouth being covered by a blanket or pillow or even the soft mattress if they are get rolled over. These very sad infant deaths happen frequently even in the US where co-sleeping is not as common as elsewhere in the world. Here are some recent news articles: http://www.nola.com/health/index.ssf/2016/04/co-sleeping_deaths_st_tammany.html http://www.nola.com/health/index.ssf/2016/04/co-sleeping_dea... , http://woodtv.com/2015/06/05/mom-hopes-babys-co-sleeping-death-warns-others/ http://woodtv.com/2015/06/05/mom-hopes-babys-co-sleeping-dea... Co-sleeping advocates will tell you "as long as you do it safely you can sleep with your newborn." This is false. There is no safe way to sleep with a newborn. Newborns cannot turn their heads away if you breath on them. They cannot move if you get too close. While, many parents sleep with their babies and the babies do not die that does not mean that it is safe. Update: The mayo-clinics prevention guide for SIDS: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/sudden-infant-death-syndrome/basics/prevention/con-20020269 http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/sudden-infant-... . TLDR; Newborn babies should sleep by themselves on their back in a crib with no stuffed animals, pillows, or "crib pads." Another note: http://thescientificparent.org/crib-notes-is-cosleeping-really-unsafe/ http://thescientificparent.org/crib-notes-is-cosleeping-real...
- Faaak 10y ago
  You can actually divide the bed into two parts: for you and for the baby, so you don't risk crushing it. The baby still feels the beats and sleeps better.
  - eggy 10y ago
    We always put them between us, and I have always preferred my mattress, or bedding right on the floor since my early 20s.
- eggy 10y ago
  I've read many reports and studies. My first child was 1997, and my current was born in 2014. Parenting is a very personal issue, and I am not on a mission to change anybody's parenting decisions. At the end of the day, it is your family business. I have always questioned things, though, and I was very surprised at some of the things I learned when I first looked into co-sleeping and the warnings from mainly US institutions or government. The ads and posters are creepy to an extreme (a sleeping baby next to a meat cleaver!), and betray the scare propaganda vs. data approach [1]. >There is no safe way to sleep with a newborn. You state this, and yet you list common sense things or precautions to take even if they are in a crib. Why not the same common sense applied to co-sleeping? Firm mattress, on back, no pillow, or headboard they can jam a bodypart through? "The United States has a higher infant mortality rate than any of the other 27 wealthy countries..." by the CDC [2]. And this is with one of the highest expenditures on health care than other nations. And it gets worse as the baby ages in the postnatal period, so it is not just more premies or bad neonatal care where the US is not as bad. The sharp difference is in disadvantaged or uneducated groups. A poor person's baby in another wealthier nation has more of a chance than one in the US, and that is the key to the disparity. In one of your links they cite a waterbed! I think if co-sleeping deaths are lower elsewhere than in the US it is for lack of education, common sense, parenting knowledge or all three. I am from the US. I raised my first two there, and now I live in a very poor village in East Java, Indonesia where most of the houses have dirt floors. All of the families in this village co-sleep as far as I have seen or had answered to me. I still apply the same common sense guidelines we both have listed in our replies. For me and my family, we feel the benefits outweigh the disadvantages. We kept the newborns flat on their backs with no loose sheets to entangle them, or other accessories. We have always had fairly firm mattresses. We don't drink alcohol, and we are not hypermobile sleepers. We are also strangely aware of where the baby is, and we still manage to get more sleep distributed across the night between smaller, more frequent feedings. I loved waking up to watch my little ones' chests rise and fall! I'd say we were more diligent and aware and monitoring them against SIDS than if we had them in a crib in another room with audio monitor, across the same room, or at the bedside. The US report which cites deaths from co-sleeping didn't bother to check or factor in drugs or alcohol. There is also the potential of the horrible MBPS (Munchausen By Proxy Syndrome) not discovered in some cases. The article of the Arizona parents that left their 2 year old in the house alone, only to be discovered walking outside while they were gone for two hours playing Pokemon speaks to the level of idiocy of some parents, so I am sure in a country of 320 million you will have some numbers to cite if that is the sample population. SIDS is said to increase with co-sleeping, although again, the studies are not too detailed, and the same recommendations then go on to say SIDS decreases when it's a bassinet opened to the bed as opposed to in another room or across the room. [1] http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/16/co-sleeping-ad-baby-knife-dangers_n_1097170.html http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/16/co-sleeping-ad-baby... [2] https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2014/09/29/our-infant-mortality-rate-is-a-national-embarrassment/ https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2014/09/29/our-i...
cullenking 10y ago
Glad that worked for you, but bed or not, there's a ton of fussing that's going to happen. Maybe your kids were different, but in my experience the bed just means they fall asleep faster (which is nice, not going to argue that), it doesn't prevent your baby from waking up every 2 hours all night.
- eggy 10y ago
  Yes, the bed was quick, and in the first six weeks there is some fussing, but the pattern gets established quickly if it is routine. I may have been lucky with all three; we never had so much fussing. Waking up every 2 to 3 hours, but mildly and not turning on lights or getting up for a diaper change. My son was only one who really cried, but usually during the day when overtired, or gas, or whatever. He didn't cry when in bed at night.

ska 10y ago

There doesn't seem to be much evidence that you can bank sleep effectively for anything but very short term deprivation, and even that is a bit mixed. Your points about the effect of sleep dep ring true. Maybe the effective message isn't "sleep now" but "if you can, do anything now that will be mentally taxing, and avoid it in the next 6 mo or so"

ashark 10y ago

Trading sleep-in days on the weekend helps. And split the night up. Some people both get up every single time the baby wakes up, and don't do sleep in days on the weekend. I think these people are insane.

cullenking 10y ago
We now have a good rhythm - wife lets me sleep through the night and I get up at 5:30am with Felix and let her sleep for another couple hours. Didn't really work great at the beginning.