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My wife and I our currently expecting and are about to have a baby shower. For those unfamiliar with the shower concept here in the US we have a party that is

• blowski 10y ago
  Congratulations! It's the most rewarding yet terrifying experience that can't be compared to anything else. Nobody is prepared enough to be a parent for the first time, yet somehow it (usually) just works out. A previously unused part of your brain just serms to become available.
• NoGravitas 10y ago
  If you have friends and/or family, but no money, you rely heavily on hand-me-downs. An example of ours -- although cloth diapers are cheaper in the long run than disposable diapers, the start-up costs are steep. But we've had to buy less than 1/5 of the cloth diapers we've used, because they pass through a loose network of friends. If you don't have friends or family, the only money saving option really available in the US (that I know of) is used/thrift shops and consignment sales.
  • hotsy_botsy 10y ago
    A legitimately good part of Facebook is the community driven support groups and swap groups. My wife and I also cloth diapered, we picked up almost all of them through local swap groups and some through ebay. When our son grew out of things we posted these things back to these support groups. My wife organized around 10-15 meetups at a nearby park and made back ~US$300. I think the largest item sold was his infant car seat and stroller combo that went for $65 or $75. So yea, both coming and going, these local groups were troves of good cheap items.
    • triangleman 10y ago
      Can someone explain to me the reasoning behind cloth diapers? Last I checked you are basically dealing with a constant mess and smell, plus another load of laundry where you run the washing machine twice. Everyone I know who has used cloth diapers has spent more money and time than using disposables (around 20 cents per diaper), and their reason for doing it was some vague notion of environmentalism/naturalism.
      • desas 10y ago
        Costs vary, but you're probably at break-even on your first child and saving money on any further children by using cloth nappies. I'm not sure what's so vague about preventing kilograms of nappies containing plastics and chemicals from being fed to landfill.
    • serge2k 10y ago
      > largest item sold was his infant car seat watch the expiration dates on those.
• coredog64 10y ago
  How does a baby shower cost the parents money? Every one I've ever been to has been a) Organized by someone other than the parents-to-be and b) Wildly successful in terms of ROI. Source: Parent of 3 kids, uncle to 4 more.
  • agentgt 10y ago
    I would say you would have been correct several years ago but there are many social dynamics going on these days. For one the baby boomers (parents of soon to be parents) have large financial burdens themselves. They may want to help but lack the funds to do so and/or time (because they haven't retired yet themselves and might even be taking care of their parents). Second people are having kids much later. I am 35 almost 36 and most of my friends and family are now geographically disparate. Combined with above and the modern-busy-self-consumed-technology era we live in you seriously cannot rely on anyone organizing an event for you. I don't blame this on my friends and family. It is just a reality. Furthermore the expectation and cost to host an event has become far greater over the years.
    • pfranz 10y ago
      Maybe it varies for people, but I've usually seen a good friend step in, rent out a spot at a park, get some tablecloths and balloons and things to snack on. They're also starting to be more co-ed, too. If you go all out, maybe $100-$200.
• cullenking 10y ago
  Oh man, just coming out of the dark times (it's hard for the first few months), my little babyface is a bit over 6 months old. Everyone likes to offer un-asked for advice, and I'm no exception, but sleep sleep sleep. Bank it as much as possible before it's gone. Sleep dep is easily the worst part of being a new parent, it makes your brain go funny and makes it hard to cope with things. Be prepared to feel super depressed about your work performance for the next six months. That one actually hit me hard - your brain is how you do your job and your brain doesn't work properly for the first six months, so it's incredibly demoralizing. Lots of rewarding things in there too, but man, there's definitely a trough of sorrow you go through at the beginning!
  • eggy 10y ago
    On my third child, and my ex-wife, and my current wife or I have never had a sleep issue. We made it a point to put them in bed with us from the get go. No crib or sleeper. Breast fed, and we all slept fine with the occasional sickness or hot day making sleep a bit difficult for everybody. The babies tend to sleep better and wake less when they hear breathing and heartbeats nearby is my guess. That and both of my wives were/are very adept at breastfeeding in bed on their sides. I count myself lucky!
    • timtadh 10y ago
      It is very dangerous to sleep with your baby. I know that many people in many cultures do sleep with their babies but you should not. There are several ways it can result in the baby dying: 1. You can suffocate the baby by breathing on their face while you are asleep. The baby will not cry and will not wake while this is occurring. 2. You can crush your baby by rolling on to them while you are asleep. 3. Your baby can suffocate from their nose and mouth being covered by a blanket or pillow or even the soft mattress if they are get rolled over. These very sad infant deaths happen frequently even in the US where co-sleeping is not as common as elsewhere in the world. Here are some recent news articles: http://www.nola.com/health/index.ssf/2016/04/co-sleeping_deaths_st_tammany.html http://www.nola.com/health/index.ssf/2016/04/co-sleeping_dea... , http://woodtv.com/2015/06/05/mom-hopes-babys-co-sleeping-death-warns-others/ http://woodtv.com/2015/06/05/mom-hopes-babys-co-sleeping-dea... Co-sleeping advocates will tell you "as long as you do it safely you can sleep with your newborn." This is false. There is no safe way to sleep with a newborn. Newborns cannot turn their heads away if you breath on them. They cannot move if you get too close. While, many parents sleep with their babies and the babies do not die that does not mean that it is safe. Update: The mayo-clinics prevention guide for SIDS: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/sudden-infant-death-syndrome/basics/prevention/con-20020269 http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/sudden-infant-... . TLDR; Newborn babies should sleep by themselves on their back in a crib with no stuffed animals, pillows, or "crib pads." Another note: http://thescientificparent.org/crib-notes-is-cosleeping-really-unsafe/ http://thescientificparent.org/crib-notes-is-cosleeping-real...
• geon 10y ago
  > (the baby store will tell you) Won't they be very biased?
  • agentgt 10y ago
    Most of the major stores are like Best Buy... they don't get commission. ...but yeah if you go to some small boutique in NYC that might be the case I suppose.
• technofiend 10y ago
  My sister was a stay at home mom and her husband in the air force when they had kids. My wife mailed her boxes and boxes of stuff she got at garage sales. I wouldn't necessarily buy a crib or a baby seat at a garage sale unless they were less than a year old due to increasing safety standards and recalls. But anything else you don't buy new anyway (bottles, nipples, etc) is perfectly fine to get used. Baby doesn't know and doesn't care if it's wrapped in a onesie from Walmart or Baby Gap.
  • harrylongback 10y ago
    > Baby doesn't know Why do some people say 'baby' without any article? Shouldn't it be 'your baby', 'a baby' or 'the baby' or something like that? You wouldn't say 'sister doesn't know' or 'boss doesn't know'. I'm not a native English speaker.
    • djrogers 10y ago
      In this context, baby is sometimes used as a proper noun to indicate a singular, specific baby. It sounds more personal than 'that baby', and has been in fairly common use for as long as I can remember in both Canada and the US (at least here on the west coast). Oh, and you may in fact here the phrases 'sister doesn't know' or 'boss doesn't know' in some circumstances, although in those instances it would be more of a slang/affectation/colloquialism and not as common as 'baby'.
    • Afton 10y ago
      Interesting question! In this case 'Baby' is a standin for the baby's name. I would characterize this as 'reasonably standard' for spoken language, but a little odd in written language, but could help convey a conversational tone. I originally thought this was an example of metonymy, but I don't think it is (this is more like 'role-instead-of-name'), so I don't know what the term for this is, and I'm finding it surprisingly hard to search for. I can imagine using it for a profession or job as well, but the contexts of use seem reasonably specific.
      • technofiend 10y ago
• semi-extrinsic 10y ago
  Regarding money: apart from a car seat (buy a new one!), there honestly isn't much that's expensive and necessary for raising a baby. Take a pram, for instance: we bought one for $70 on Craigslist for our first daughter, second daughter is using it now four years later, no problems that regular maintenance with what I have in the garage hasn't solved. Crib: Ikea, $40, our oldest slept in that till she was three. Clothes for babies are cheap, buy them a little big and you can use them for 3 months or more. They don't care if their pants go up to their shoulders.
  • sevensor 10y ago
    I love the Ikea crib. Simple, safe, all you need for a baby / toddler. We had a fancier crib for our first, but it was way less durable and failed during the toddler years. For clothes, it helps to know other people with similar aged children; we've traded clothes back-and-forth with a whole circle of people. Kids also don't care if they're wearing hand-me-downs :)
    • semi-extrinsic 10y ago
      Best part for us about the Ikea crib was when we moved to a different country, we just bought an identical one and our daughter instantly went "Sweet, my bed is here!".
• ashark 10y ago
  Unsolicited advice time! Just remember: you can get lots of dumb crap for your kids, but you do not need most of it. Car seat, yes. Somewhere safe for them to sleep, yes. We had a changing pad on a dresser with the first one for a while, but switched to the floor pretty quickly and didn't bother with it at all for the second. You're usually not gonna want to take the kid to wherever the changing pad/table is, and it's easier to dress them on the floor anyway. And you don't have to worry about them falling off of the floor. My conclusion: changing table/pad = junk, unless you have some kind of problem getting down to/up off of the floor. Bottle warmers. Waste of space and money. Also slow. Just nuke it. Shake it and stick your finger in to make sure you haven't done something horrible. It won't take long (a day) to figure out the right amount of time, at which point you'll almost never mess up anyway. Favor 8oz bottles, not 4oz. They'll outgrow 4oz ones too fast and then they're basically garbage. Buy ONE BRAND AND STYLE ONLY so the parts are interchangeable. Do the same with sippy cups when those become relevant. This part's (apparently) controversial, but: you don't need a giant diaper bag and a huge amount of storage on your stroller. When you go out you need: 1-2 diapers, 3 tops, a little plastic bag with wet wipes in it, one bottle, stuff to go in the bottle (this is easier if that's formula, you can acquire warm water one way or another almost anywhere so you just need the pre-measured powder in a baggie). THAT IS IT. You don't need crackers and fruit snacks and a dozen toys and that junk for your toddler. Just don't give them food when you're out shopping or whatever. Real easy if you don't set the expectation that they get snacks and toys all the time when you're out of the house, and that's as easy as... not doing it. So you don't need to carry that crap. You don't need a backpack. You don't need a massive $200 baby bag that you could fit 10 of your baby in and still zip it up. You don't need a stroller that could double as a truck. If you're getting a stroller optimize for ease of maneuvering in crowds (so, small), comfort to push (not too short if you're tall, for example) and ease of transport (collapsible). With one kid especially, consider just getting one of those strap-on carriers and skipping the stroller entirely. When they start to walk, make them walk whenever possible to reduce the amount of time you're dependent on that stuff. You can buy giant loads of kids clothes off Craigslist or that Facebook Swap-Shop thing (I dunno much about it, my wife uses it, I don't have an FB account, but it seems to work well). It's even cheaper than the thrift store. You can buy for next year at the end of each season, works well. Then you sell anything that's not ruined when they grow out of it (or hand it down to a sibling). Clothes end up being nearly free unless you choose to spend more for some reason. Protip: hold out for batches of clothes from nice parts of town and then pounce on them immediately, the clothes will be in much better shape (sometimes brand new) than stuff from poorer areas and usually aren't more expensive(!). Difficulty: you will have to buy new shoes, usually. Just get the cheapest thing that works, they'll ruin/outgrow them quickly anyway. If you have older relatives and they're not destitute, you'll soon be donating or throwing out excess toys and books by the bin-load. Buy way fewer toys than you think you "need" if this is your situation. Remember you can always go get more stuff if you decide you need it. Err on the side of starting with too little in general, once the basics are covered. Keep most of the baby shower stuff you don't obviously need in the packaging until you decide you need it, and keep the gift receipt. You may never open it.