3 ms·

One thing that is familiar to me is your first sentence "there are literally hundreds of little hobbies and projects". I have something I call the "rule of 3".

One thing that is familiar to me is your first sentence "there are literally hundreds of little hobbies and projects". I have something I call the "rule of 3". It says that you can do 3 things in your life well. I pick one of those things to be my job. I pick another to be interacting with my family and friends. That leaves exactly 1 other thing. You can do hundreds of things very poorly. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I dabble at cooking. I love it. It's fun. I used to live in Ottawa, Canada which conveniently has a branch of the Cordon Blue cooking school. I considered coughing up the $60K per year tuition (cough, cough) to learn to be a chef. But cooking is not my one thing. I love it, but I'm actually fine with being relatively crappy at it. If you want to be a good guitar player, you have to decide to be a guitar player first. A guitar player plays his/her guitar every chance they can get. A guitar player enjoys playing his/her guitar. Once you learn to be a guitar player, you may decide to become a good guitar player. You may not. You certainly can't do it the other way around. If you do not want to be a guitar player (as evidenced by the fact that you do not want to play your guitar and you avoid playing it even when you have the chance), there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Personally, I would also like to have become a good guitar player, but I have absolutely no interest in being a guitar player. So I restrict my guitar playing fantasies to my dreams and video games. This gives me the time to do what I actually want to do. One other thing I should point out. There is nothing saying that you can't change your mind about the 3 things you want to do well. Of course, if you change your mind every day then nothing good will come out of it ;-) But if you get to a point where you are thinking, "You know what? I'm happy with what I've done and I don't want to continue", that's completely OK. It just gives you time to do something else.

criddell 10y ago
Of course I don't have hundreds of hobbies but I do have very broad interests. I was really interested in your views on pivoting from wanting to be accomplished at something to wanting to do the work to become accomplished. Limiting myself to one or two things can bring focus, but I don't think that necessarily translates into the needed pivot. BTW, my goal was much more modest than becoming a good guitar player. I'd be happy to know a single "real" song.
- mikekchar 10y ago
  Possibly it's difficult for me to express it. Hmmm... Maybe this will be a better approach. Even your modest goal is not modest if you can not accomplish it. You may be thinking that you should be able to get yourself to know a "real" song. You may be thinking that you have failed if you don't accomplish that goal. Personally, I really don't think so. It is too early to have such a goal because you are not playing your guitar. Walking the entire length of the Champs Elysees is not a difficult task, but it is impossible if I am not in Paris. It is not an unreasonable goal for a Parisian, but it is completely unattainable if I refuse to go to Paris. What I'm trying to tell you is that it's OK not to have that goal. If you keep focusing on it, no matter how small or insignificant you think it might be, you avoid the more important question. Why are you not playing your guitar? Similarly, discussing my inability to walk the entire length of the Champs Elysees is useless until I work out why I can't go to Paris. Maybe I can go to Paris, but I don't want to. If that's the case, then it is fine to give up my dream without feeling bad about it. It's a choice. I have other things I want to do. It would be a bit strange to ask, "How can I force myself to want to go to Paris? It's the only thing holding me back from walking the entire length of the Champs Elysees". On the other hand, there may be many, many reasons why I can't go to Paris even though I want to. Maybe I need money. Maybe I need time. Maybe I'm just afraid that I'll fail. But without exploring those issues I will never know. Why aren't you playing your guitar? In fact, why don't you stop reading this post right now and play your guitar? Playing a guitar does not take willpower, unless you would rather not play the guitar. So my point is: If you don't want to play the guitar, your goal is impossible (and really meaningless). If you do want to play the guitar, then something is getting in your way of having fun. In this scenario, your goal is taking your attention away from finding out what that is and fixing it. So forget the goal and play your guitar. Start setting goals after you figure out the other stuff. Again, I hope that helps. It's tricky stuff ;-) Edit: Just to be consistent with my initial post -- there are things like dieting that may seem to be unpleasant but still required. So, exploring why you don't like something can help you find aspects that you do like. Then you can do those things. With dieting, for example, I have found that being a little bit hungry keeps my mind clear and makes me a better programmer. With practice, I can really enjoy that feeling. So being hungry begins to be something that I enjoy and want to do. However, I don't see the point of going to that extent for playing the guitar. Normal people don't require guitar playing in their lives.

criddell 10y ago

Of course I don't have hundreds of hobbies but I do have very broad interests. I was really interested in your views on pivoting from wanting to be accomplished at something to wanting to do the work to become accomplished. Limiting myself to one or two things can bring focus, but I don't think that necessarily translates into the needed pivot. BTW, my goal was much more modest than becoming a good guitar player. I'd be happy to know a single "real" song.

mikekchar 10y ago
Possibly it's difficult for me to express it. Hmmm... Maybe this will be a better approach. Even your modest goal is not modest if you can not accomplish it. You may be thinking that you should be able to get yourself to know a "real" song. You may be thinking that you have failed if you don't accomplish that goal. Personally, I really don't think so. It is too early to have such a goal because you are not playing your guitar. Walking the entire length of the Champs Elysees is not a difficult task, but it is impossible if I am not in Paris. It is not an unreasonable goal for a Parisian, but it is completely unattainable if I refuse to go to Paris. What I'm trying to tell you is that it's OK not to have that goal. If you keep focusing on it, no matter how small or insignificant you think it might be, you avoid the more important question. Why are you not playing your guitar? Similarly, discussing my inability to walk the entire length of the Champs Elysees is useless until I work out why I can't go to Paris. Maybe I can go to Paris, but I don't want to. If that's the case, then it is fine to give up my dream without feeling bad about it. It's a choice. I have other things I want to do. It would be a bit strange to ask, "How can I force myself to want to go to Paris? It's the only thing holding me back from walking the entire length of the Champs Elysees". On the other hand, there may be many, many reasons why I can't go to Paris even though I want to. Maybe I need money. Maybe I need time. Maybe I'm just afraid that I'll fail. But without exploring those issues I will never know. Why aren't you playing your guitar? In fact, why don't you stop reading this post right now and play your guitar? Playing a guitar does not take willpower, unless you would rather not play the guitar. So my point is: If you don't want to play the guitar, your goal is impossible (and really meaningless). If you do want to play the guitar, then something is getting in your way of having fun. In this scenario, your goal is taking your attention away from finding out what that is and fixing it. So forget the goal and play your guitar. Start setting goals after you figure out the other stuff. Again, I hope that helps. It's tricky stuff ;-) Edit: Just to be consistent with my initial post -- there are things like dieting that may seem to be unpleasant but still required. So, exploring why you don't like something can help you find aspects that you do like. Then you can do those things. With dieting, for example, I have found that being a little bit hungry keeps my mind clear and makes me a better programmer. With practice, I can really enjoy that feeling. So being hungry begins to be something that I enjoy and want to do. However, I don't see the point of going to that extent for playing the guitar. Normal people don't require guitar playing in their lives.