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Wow, I had no idea people would interpret this as sexual harassment. I say this to both men and women on my teams that look like they are having a rough day. I'

by dalerus 10y ago

Wow, I had no idea people would interpret this as sexual harassment. I say this to both men and women on my teams that look like they are having a rough day. I'll remove that from things I say. Edit: I don't just say "Smile", usually there is more context to the conversation and usually ends with me trying to see if I can help fix the problem(if it's work related).

shepardrtc 10y ago
You should absolutely try to help cheer people up and fix their problems. Nothing wrong with that. But there's a difference between helping someone feel something and telling them to feel something.
- mthoms 10y ago
  Have you considered that it might not be a command? Human communication is much more nuanced than just the words on their own would indicate. Where I'm from it's commonly meant as shorthand for "cheer up, it's not that bad" or "try to keep your chin up". Both of which actually indicate that the speaker cares about their colleague.
  - justin66 10y ago
    > Human communication is much more nuanced than just the words on their own would indicate. Said the guy who further up the thread said he "can't fathom how that could possibly be construed as sexist."
    - mthoms 10y ago
      Fair point. To clarify (as I've written elsewhere in this thread) I can indeed see how in some contexts it can be sexist. Absolutely. What I meant to say was that in this context I can't see how it would be construed as sexist. Or put another way... I can't see how this statement automatically defaults to being sexist absent any other indicators. At any rate, this kind of proves my point that it's very easy for communication to come across in a manner other than the speaker intended. So serious charges like "sexist" or "racist" should not be levelled lightly.
tanqueray 10y ago
"I'll remove that from things I say". If there is no bad intent, why should you? The answer is that a snowflake could get you fired but the rhetorical question stands.
scott_s 10y ago
If you want to help, empathize: ask questions, indicate that you understand them. But statements about how they should feel will not help.

by dalerus 10y ago

shepardrtc 10y ago

You should absolutely try to help cheer people up and fix their problems. Nothing wrong with that. But there's a difference between helping someone feel something and telling them to feel something.

mthoms 10y ago
Have you considered that it might not be a command? Human communication is much more nuanced than just the words on their own would indicate. Where I'm from it's commonly meant as shorthand for "cheer up, it's not that bad" or "try to keep your chin up". Both of which actually indicate that the speaker cares about their colleague.
- justin66 10y ago
  > Human communication is much more nuanced than just the words on their own would indicate. Said the guy who further up the thread said he "can't fathom how that could possibly be construed as sexist."
  - mthoms 10y ago
    Fair point. To clarify (as I've written elsewhere in this thread) I can indeed see how in some contexts it can be sexist. Absolutely. What I meant to say was that in this context I can't see how it would be construed as sexist. Or put another way... I can't see how this statement automatically defaults to being sexist absent any other indicators. At any rate, this kind of proves my point that it's very easy for communication to come across in a manner other than the speaker intended. So serious charges like "sexist" or "racist" should not be levelled lightly.

tanqueray 10y ago

"I'll remove that from things I say". If there is no bad intent, why should you? The answer is that a snowflake could get you fired but the rhetorical question stands.

scott_s 10y ago

If you want to help, empathize: ask questions, indicate that you understand them. But statements about how they should feel will not help.