4 ms·

How often are you told to smile? How do [would] you react to someone telling you what emotion to feel, much less to outwardly convey, regardless of what's actu

by strict9 10y ago

How often are you told to smile? How do [would] you react to someone telling you what emotion to feel, much less to outwardly convey, regardless of what's actually going on inside you? It's offensive and inexcusable, regardless of gender or intent.

flukus 10y ago
> It's offensive and inexcusable, regardless of gender or intent. How? It's a common everyday saying.
- nharada 10y ago
  It's no longer a common everyday saying because it's become synonymous with the sinister sexist undertones that it implies. It's like asking someone to "Netflix and Chill" today vs 3 years ago. At some point it may not have only meant one thing but those days have passed.
  - flukus 10y ago
    > It's no longer a common everyday saying because it's become synonymous with the sinister sexist undertones that it implies. This is quite literally the first I've ever heard this. Is there an official list of what we can and can't say anywhere?
    - Blackthorn 10y ago
      > This is quite literally the first I've ever heard this. Then it's good that you heard about it now, so you don't do it to anyone in the future! Here's some references to better understand why this is a bad thing: * http://www.huffingtonpost.com/erika-hardison/its-important-for-men-to-stop-telling-women-to-smile_b_9655246.html http://www.huffingtonpost.com/erika-hardison/its-important-f... * http://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2016/04/09/473433505/why-telling-a-woman-to-smile-makes-her-want-to-scream http://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2016/04/09/47343350...
      - flukus 10y ago
        My take away from this is that if something so innocuous can be considered so offensive it's much easier to avoid casual conversations with women at work entirely.
        fl0wenol 10y ago
        I'm a guy, and if you told me to smile or to cheer up because my resting face wasn't happy enough for you, and especially if I've had a rough day, I'd tell you to fall down a flight of stairs with a grin on my face. This goes for a lot of that stupid shit people who barely know each other seem obligated to say at each other in the office. No one needs it. I mean just a polite nod acknowledging one's existence is fine, or maybe a "Good Morning". Let's stop all this "How are you?" with people we aren't even on a first name basis with. I mean do you really want to know the answer? And if you don't know a person well enough to know if they're mad or they just look a certain way while they're deep in thought or rushing off somewhere, then don't say anything. It's _totes annoying_ and presumptuous. You saying a kind word while passing in the hallway is not going to magically unfuck someone's day. Although holding doors when lugging laptop bags and so forth is always appreciated. Please continue to do this if you do. That just might unfuck someone's day a little bit.
        r-w 10y ago
        It says more about the person who says it that they think that will cheer you up, though if you actually reacted like that it would say more about you.
        Blackthorn 10y ago
        If you think it's hard to avoid being sexist to women, just imagine how hard it is to be one and have to deal with this every day for their entire life!
        flukus 10y ago
        If you think someone asking you to smile is a hardship then you don't have a hard life at all.
  - tanqueray 10y ago
    Says who? You and a few others? Lots of people disagree so maybe you are in a tough shit scenario here. Unless you actually have got someone fired for an innocuous comment. Then it's tough shit for them, I suppose.
    - Blackthorn 10y ago
      > Says who? You and a few others? Google "telling women to smile" (no quotes) should prove enlightening. If you want something more specific, I've provided two references in the post below.
      - tanqueray 10y ago
        Thanks for the links. I read the first one. I guess we just disagree. I am of the opinion minor discomforts are things we have to deal with/adapt to. Especially when there is work to do. You seem to be of the opinion that personal discomforts are something that we should avoid causing as a matter of the upmost importance. I think we have to agree to disagree.
        Blackthorn 10y ago
        > You seem to be of the opinion that personal discomforts are something that we should avoid causing as a matter of the upmost importance. It costs you nothing to not say something sexist to women. So it's pretty much a no-brainer to not say something sexist to them.
        justin66 10y ago
        > I am of the opinion minor discomforts are things we have to deal with/adapt to. Why would you want to be the minor discomfort that people have to adapt to?
        tanqueray 10y ago
        Strawman. I never said I did. I just pointed out that you can choose to get offended by small stuff or you can just get on with things... After all, someone saying "smile" to someone else really is small stuff.

by strict9 10y ago

flukus 10y ago

> It's offensive and inexcusable, regardless of gender or intent. How? It's a common everyday saying.

nharada 10y ago
It's no longer a common everyday saying because it's become synonymous with the sinister sexist undertones that it implies. It's like asking someone to "Netflix and Chill" today vs 3 years ago. At some point it may not have only meant one thing but those days have passed.
- flukus 10y ago
  > It's no longer a common everyday saying because it's become synonymous with the sinister sexist undertones that it implies. This is quite literally the first I've ever heard this. Is there an official list of what we can and can't say anywhere?
  - Blackthorn 10y ago
    > This is quite literally the first I've ever heard this. Then it's good that you heard about it now, so you don't do it to anyone in the future! Here's some references to better understand why this is a bad thing: * http://www.huffingtonpost.com/erika-hardison/its-important-for-men-to-stop-telling-women-to-smile_b_9655246.html http://www.huffingtonpost.com/erika-hardison/its-important-f... * http://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2016/04/09/473433505/why-telling-a-woman-to-smile-makes-her-want-to-scream http://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2016/04/09/47343350...
    - flukus 10y ago
      My take away from this is that if something so innocuous can be considered so offensive it's much easier to avoid casual conversations with women at work entirely.
      - fl0wenol 10y ago
        I'm a guy, and if you told me to smile or to cheer up because my resting face wasn't happy enough for you, and especially if I've had a rough day, I'd tell you to fall down a flight of stairs with a grin on my face. This goes for a lot of that stupid shit people who barely know each other seem obligated to say at each other in the office. No one needs it. I mean just a polite nod acknowledging one's existence is fine, or maybe a "Good Morning". Let's stop all this "How are you?" with people we aren't even on a first name basis with. I mean do you really want to know the answer? And if you don't know a person well enough to know if they're mad or they just look a certain way while they're deep in thought or rushing off somewhere, then don't say anything. It's _totes annoying_ and presumptuous. You saying a kind word while passing in the hallway is not going to magically unfuck someone's day. Although holding doors when lugging laptop bags and so forth is always appreciated. Please continue to do this if you do. That just might unfuck someone's day a little bit.
        r-w 10y ago
        It says more about the person who says it that they think that will cheer you up, though if you actually reacted like that it would say more about you.
      - Blackthorn 10y ago
        If you think it's hard to avoid being sexist to women, just imagine how hard it is to be one and have to deal with this every day for their entire life!
        flukus 10y ago
        If you think someone asking you to smile is a hardship then you don't have a hard life at all.
- tanqueray 10y ago
  Says who? You and a few others? Lots of people disagree so maybe you are in a tough shit scenario here. Unless you actually have got someone fired for an innocuous comment. Then it's tough shit for them, I suppose.
  - Blackthorn 10y ago
    > Says who? You and a few others? Google "telling women to smile" (no quotes) should prove enlightening. If you want something more specific, I've provided two references in the post below.
    - tanqueray 10y ago
      Thanks for the links. I read the first one. I guess we just disagree. I am of the opinion minor discomforts are things we have to deal with/adapt to. Especially when there is work to do. You seem to be of the opinion that personal discomforts are something that we should avoid causing as a matter of the upmost importance. I think we have to agree to disagree.
      - Blackthorn 10y ago
        > You seem to be of the opinion that personal discomforts are something that we should avoid causing as a matter of the upmost importance. It costs you nothing to not say something sexist to women. So it's pretty much a no-brainer to not say something sexist to them.
      - justin66 10y ago
        > I am of the opinion minor discomforts are things we have to deal with/adapt to. Why would you want to be the minor discomfort that people have to adapt to?
        tanqueray 10y ago
        Strawman. I never said I did. I just pointed out that you can choose to get offended by small stuff or you can just get on with things... After all, someone saying "smile" to someone else really is small stuff.