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Violent bullying generally requires a violent response. It's unfortunately true. My then 8-year-old son was getting punched by another boy in his class on a re

Violent bullying generally requires a violent response. It's unfortunately true. My then 8-year-old son was getting punched by another boy in his class on a regular basis and the teachers couldn't do anything about it because they "didn't see it." I told him that if anyone ever hits him, pushes him or punches him again he has my permission to hit back commensurately just as hard and he would suffer no consequences - even if the school wanted to suspend him. So the next day he got punched and he punched the other kid back in the stomach. It's been 2 years now and that kid never hit him again.

jacobr 10y ago
This feels reasonable if it's systematic bullying, and maybe I'd give the same advice in that situation, but in general I don't think it's a great strategy for a kid to always push back "just as hard" because it will escalate each argument they get in.
- zentiggr 10y ago
  Not a general strategy - "I told him that if anyone ever hits him, pushes him or punches him again he has my permission to hit back commensurately" I wish I'd had someome tell me this when I was in grade school. I was ready to go when I was eight, nine years old, but had already learned "That's not acceptable behavior" and didn't fight back. Years and a lot of counseling later, I had some self esteem again.
notlisted 10y ago
Yup. Good advice. My dad told me to ignore the two bullies, that is, until they ruined my schoolbooks. He called their parents and asked for replacement. No surprise, they refused. Then gave me permission to react off school grounds... Alas, for the bullies, he didn't mention the commensurate part... I'll spare you the gory details, but it's been close to 35 years since that fateful day and I still relish it as one of the most glorious ever. They never bothered me again, nor did anyone else. The special ice cream with my dad that evening was the cherry on the cake...

jacobr 10y ago

This feels reasonable if it's systematic bullying, and maybe I'd give the same advice in that situation, but in general I don't think it's a great strategy for a kid to always push back "just as hard" because it will escalate each argument they get in.

zentiggr 10y ago
Not a general strategy - "I told him that if anyone ever hits him, pushes him or punches him again he has my permission to hit back commensurately" I wish I'd had someome tell me this when I was in grade school. I was ready to go when I was eight, nine years old, but had already learned "That's not acceptable behavior" and didn't fight back. Years and a lot of counseling later, I had some self esteem again.

notlisted 10y ago

Yup. Good advice. My dad told me to ignore the two bullies, that is, until they ruined my schoolbooks. He called their parents and asked for replacement. No surprise, they refused. Then gave me permission to react off school grounds... Alas, for the bullies, he didn't mention the commensurate part... I'll spare you the gory details, but it's been close to 35 years since that fateful day and I still relish it as one of the most glorious ever. They never bothered me again, nor did anyone else. The special ice cream with my dad that evening was the cherry on the cake...