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> It's good in your head, socially awkward in practice. I find it interesting (honest) that children can just hang out, initially as strangers, without it bein

> It's good in your head, socially awkward in practice. I find it interesting (honest) that children can just hang out, initially as strangers, without it being awkward. As adults, this is much harder. Why? Do we think too much as adults, such that it causes these situations to become awkward?

mc32 10y ago
Easy. With adults come the questions, is this platonic, is it sexual, is there an angle, what do they want from me, when is the ask coming, what are you selling, is that spinach between their teeth? In essence, innocence does not exist for adults, there have been too many formative experiences so that they are no longer a blankish slate.
pavel_lishin 10y ago
I think it's because children don't really have anything that they need to do, but there are often places they have to just be. So what else is there to do but socialize? As an adult, there are many things I have to do. I need to go to work, I need to do laundry, dishes, child-care. But I am free to mostly do the things I want to do wherever I want to - I'm not trapped in school or camp or whatnot. And when you, as an adult, do have free time, there aren't too many places an adult can go and just hang out, socially. The neighborhood bar is the only place I can think of where it's acceptable to just sit, do nothing, and socialize with whoever might be nearby.
hashmp 10y ago
Totally agree with this, but I can understand why they are able to do it. Kids don't judge. As a kid, you can meet another kid and get straight in there asking the important questions in life and have no fear about being judged or even to care if you are judged. Do you play Pokemon go? Bingo. Got an xbox? No? Ps4? Etc etc. Never ending list of stuff to keep asking until you hit the mark with no fear. As an adult you have to be careful what to say for fear of offending them, or to give the wrong impression. Kids have none of these fears.
- jamesroseman 10y ago
  I really don't think this is it. I think more than anything it's the amount children share in common. Adults are lame. The world is big. There's a lot to do and a lot of time to do it in. If you're a kid and you meet another kid odds are you live in the same town or at least region, go through the same school system, are roughly socioeconomically similar, and (thus) have a lot of things you can do together. At work I really don't know much about my co-workers. I would go grab a beer and watch the game with someone if I knew they were interested, and from there we could hang out more -- but I don't. We spend all day near each other, at the EOD I just want to go home. So my theory is that as adults most of us have fulltime jobs where we're always near people we don't spend much time with, and have no time to enter social circles afterwards. $0.02
  - VLM 10y ago
    I would agree with and extend your remarks with the positive example of adult ex-military people always have something to talk about in common, why with the newborn I haven't had this little sleep since Basic, hey you ever been stationed at Ft Leonardwood, well I was at Redstone in the 90s and ... etc etc. Another positive example is sports team fans, how about that pass in the 3rd quarter of the Packer game, eh? I don't even do sportsball but I got the terminology correct and I'm sure there was some questionable pass in the 3rd quarter of the most recent Packers game, how could there not be? I can also extend with some classic negative examples, once you graduate school and live in the real world, I have nothing in common with my neighbors. What can I say to a 65 year old CFO, or a 50 year old warehouse owner/manager? The HVAC contractor across the street? "Wow those air conditioners sure blow a lot of air don't they?" Our kids might have a lot in common at the school as you state, but as parents I have very little in common with my neighbors.
- tpeo 10y ago
  Kids do judge, that's the point of bullying. They don't care about whether they might act inappropriately in a adult sense, but they still care about what others think of them. The real difference, I'd say, is that kids are very easily bored. They get majorly annoyed if they don't have anything to do for more than three minutes, so they leave no time for awkwardness: they'll either pester everyone around them for attention until they either get a playmate or just get tired and start playing alone. Plus, pretty much all kids know how to play pretend, so it doesn't take much for them to be playmates. Or at least it didn't take much in the far distant past of 2001.
John23832 10y ago
Honestly, the expectation of sex or status. Between the sexes there's a unspoken expectation that if we like each other enough, we will end up together. If one or both parties are taken, it's kind of hard to form relationships, because you may not be willing to live up to that expectation (you actually want to be friends), the other person may think differently. With the same sex, theres struggle for status. Most people are nice people, we don't want to come off and rude. But at the same time we have a inherent need to not be the lowest man on the totem poll. In order to climb the social ladder without being forceful and fighting for position, we end up doing weird desperate things. We want others to willing see us as better/more deserving, rather than forcing that opinion on them.
- pavel_lishin 10y ago
  > But at the same time we have a inherent need to not be the lowest man on the totem poll. In order to climb the social ladder without being forceful and fighting for position, we end up doing weird desperate things. We want others to willing see us as better/more deserving, rather than forcing that opinion on them. Really? I don't feel this way at all when meeting new people.
  - tinix 10y ago
    Yeah me either... I think the poster above is projecting their own thoughts and feelings onto others. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_projection https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_projection
    - John23832 10y ago
      No. I'm not. Nobody strives to be poor, or destitute, or lonely. People want as much as they need to feel comfortable, as many friends as they need to feel happy. Trying to slight someone while being a contrarian with a wikipedia link is testament to psychological projection though.
      - pavel_lishin 10y ago
pjc50 10y ago
Do you not think that kids experience awkwardness? Isn't that how this conversation started? (Have we learned nothing from The Breakfast Club? :)
nicolas_t 10y ago
I actually find it easier to meet people and become friends as an adult than it was as a kid. Once I started going to university, I could just go do sports, meetups or activities (like theater, etc..), or even just chat up people waiting for the bus and it was easy to form a connection and start talking to people. As a kid, I didn't have that many avenues to meet people beside school and when I met someone from outside of school, it was always awkward.
794CD01 10y ago
Human brains are only capable of maintaining so many relationships. As children, most of your "relationship slots" are still open and your brain may even be plastic enough to add a few more. As an adult, your slots are either already occupied or have atrophied from disuse.

mc32 10y ago

Easy. With adults come the questions, is this platonic, is it sexual, is there an angle, what do they want from me, when is the ask coming, what are you selling, is that spinach between their teeth? In essence, innocence does not exist for adults, there have been too many formative experiences so that they are no longer a blankish slate.

pavel_lishin 10y ago

I think it's because children don't really have anything that they need to do, but there are often places they have to just be. So what else is there to do but socialize? As an adult, there are many things I have to do. I need to go to work, I need to do laundry, dishes, child-care. But I am free to mostly do the things I want to do wherever I want to - I'm not trapped in school or camp or whatnot. And when you, as an adult, do have free time, there aren't too many places an adult can go and just hang out, socially. The neighborhood bar is the only place I can think of where it's acceptable to just sit, do nothing, and socialize with whoever might be nearby.

hashmp 10y ago

Totally agree with this, but I can understand why they are able to do it. Kids don't judge. As a kid, you can meet another kid and get straight in there asking the important questions in life and have no fear about being judged or even to care if you are judged. Do you play Pokemon go? Bingo. Got an xbox? No? Ps4? Etc etc. Never ending list of stuff to keep asking until you hit the mark with no fear. As an adult you have to be careful what to say for fear of offending them, or to give the wrong impression. Kids have none of these fears.

jamesroseman 10y ago
I really don't think this is it. I think more than anything it's the amount children share in common. Adults are lame. The world is big. There's a lot to do and a lot of time to do it in. If you're a kid and you meet another kid odds are you live in the same town or at least region, go through the same school system, are roughly socioeconomically similar, and (thus) have a lot of things you can do together. At work I really don't know much about my co-workers. I would go grab a beer and watch the game with someone if I knew they were interested, and from there we could hang out more -- but I don't. We spend all day near each other, at the EOD I just want to go home. So my theory is that as adults most of us have fulltime jobs where we're always near people we don't spend much time with, and have no time to enter social circles afterwards. $0.02
- VLM 10y ago
  I would agree with and extend your remarks with the positive example of adult ex-military people always have something to talk about in common, why with the newborn I haven't had this little sleep since Basic, hey you ever been stationed at Ft Leonardwood, well I was at Redstone in the 90s and ... etc etc. Another positive example is sports team fans, how about that pass in the 3rd quarter of the Packer game, eh? I don't even do sportsball but I got the terminology correct and I'm sure there was some questionable pass in the 3rd quarter of the most recent Packers game, how could there not be? I can also extend with some classic negative examples, once you graduate school and live in the real world, I have nothing in common with my neighbors. What can I say to a 65 year old CFO, or a 50 year old warehouse owner/manager? The HVAC contractor across the street? "Wow those air conditioners sure blow a lot of air don't they?" Our kids might have a lot in common at the school as you state, but as parents I have very little in common with my neighbors.
tpeo 10y ago
Kids do judge, that's the point of bullying. They don't care about whether they might act inappropriately in a adult sense, but they still care about what others think of them. The real difference, I'd say, is that kids are very easily bored. They get majorly annoyed if they don't have anything to do for more than three minutes, so they leave no time for awkwardness: they'll either pester everyone around them for attention until they either get a playmate or just get tired and start playing alone. Plus, pretty much all kids know how to play pretend, so it doesn't take much for them to be playmates. Or at least it didn't take much in the far distant past of 2001.

John23832 10y ago

Honestly, the expectation of sex or status. Between the sexes there's a unspoken expectation that if we like each other enough, we will end up together. If one or both parties are taken, it's kind of hard to form relationships, because you may not be willing to live up to that expectation (you actually want to be friends), the other person may think differently. With the same sex, theres struggle for status. Most people are nice people, we don't want to come off and rude. But at the same time we have a inherent need to not be the lowest man on the totem poll. In order to climb the social ladder without being forceful and fighting for position, we end up doing weird desperate things. We want others to willing see us as better/more deserving, rather than forcing that opinion on them.

pavel_lishin 10y ago
> But at the same time we have a inherent need to not be the lowest man on the totem poll. In order to climb the social ladder without being forceful and fighting for position, we end up doing weird desperate things. We want others to willing see us as better/more deserving, rather than forcing that opinion on them. Really? I don't feel this way at all when meeting new people.
- tinix 10y ago
  Yeah me either... I think the poster above is projecting their own thoughts and feelings onto others. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_projection https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_projection
  - John23832 10y ago
    No. I'm not. Nobody strives to be poor, or destitute, or lonely. People want as much as they need to feel comfortable, as many friends as they need to feel happy. Trying to slight someone while being a contrarian with a wikipedia link is testament to psychological projection though.
    - pavel_lishin 10y ago

pjc50 10y ago

Do you not think that kids experience awkwardness? Isn't that how this conversation started? (Have we learned nothing from The Breakfast Club? :)

nicolas_t 10y ago

I actually find it easier to meet people and become friends as an adult than it was as a kid. Once I started going to university, I could just go do sports, meetups or activities (like theater, etc..), or even just chat up people waiting for the bus and it was easy to form a connection and start talking to people. As a kid, I didn't have that many avenues to meet people beside school and when I met someone from outside of school, it was always awkward.

794CD01 10y ago

Human brains are only capable of maintaining so many relationships. As children, most of your "relationship slots" are still open and your brain may even be plastic enough to add a few more. As an adult, your slots are either already occupied or have atrophied from disuse.