5 ms·

Rationally I'd have to agree, but emotionally is a whole other ballpark. You have to be able to have peace with yourself, to have done at least that which you y

by wvh 10y ago

Rationally I'd have to agree, but emotionally is a whole other ballpark. You have to be able to have peace with yourself, to have done at least that which you yourself think is the absolute minimum to be a "good person" and look yourself in the eye when you stand in front of the mirror. It doesn't matter what the other person did; you have to find peace both with your own actions and with what has been done to you, which is very much a personal dilemma and balancing act. Life is hard; she probably did the best she could when dealt a less than enviable hand early in life. Not my usual reading material, but a good read nevertheless.

rustynails 10y ago
Your comment makes a lot of sense. A friend of mine, now over 50, still struggles with his mother's rejection throughout his childhood. He and his siblings have confirmed stories of malice (bleeding after being beaten by his mother with a whip, euthanising a much loved pet out of spite, etc). Despite enduring years of torment, he still seeks his mother's affection. She died a long time ago and he never came to terms with the loss or the lack of love or the malice his mother frequently demonstrated. It leaves me with a feeling of deep sadness when I see how cruel some parents are to their own children. It also leaves me even sadder when excuses are made for some of these abusers (she must have suffered depression, poor woman).
- wvh 10y ago
  Some needs are so deeply wired into us – like the need to be loved, especially by our parents – that no matter how hard we rationalise and fight our emotions, we will always want to fill that gap one way or another. It is especially heartbreaking in the case of abuse or otherwise failed parenting, because the one person who had to love and protect you unconditionally, didn't. Overcoming the "why" in that question is probably a lifelong struggle with(in) oneself.

by wvh 10y ago

rustynails 10y ago

Your comment makes a lot of sense. A friend of mine, now over 50, still struggles with his mother's rejection throughout his childhood. He and his siblings have confirmed stories of malice (bleeding after being beaten by his mother with a whip, euthanising a much loved pet out of spite, etc). Despite enduring years of torment, he still seeks his mother's affection. She died a long time ago and he never came to terms with the loss or the lack of love or the malice his mother frequently demonstrated. It leaves me with a feeling of deep sadness when I see how cruel some parents are to their own children. It also leaves me even sadder when excuses are made for some of these abusers (she must have suffered depression, poor woman).

wvh 10y ago
Some needs are so deeply wired into us – like the need to be loved, especially by our parents – that no matter how hard we rationalise and fight our emotions, we will always want to fill that gap one way or another. It is especially heartbreaking in the case of abuse or otherwise failed parenting, because the one person who had to love and protect you unconditionally, didn't. Overcoming the "why" in that question is probably a lifelong struggle with(in) oneself.