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> If you can learn ${lang}, you can learn to identify your own feelings. Once you know your own feelings, you can learn empathy. Once you learn empathy, social
by coldpie 10y ago
> If you can learn ${lang}, you can learn to identify your own feelings. Once you know your own feelings, you can learn empathy. Once you learn empathy, social skills is a breeze.
Eh, you're assuming everyone feels the same way about everything. I hate it when people talk about my clothes or my looks. It makes me really self-conscious and embarrassed, even if it's a compliment. So in an effort to practice "the golden rule," I don't talk about others' clothing and looks. Turns out other people get offended when no one comments on a new haircut or whatever. Knowing my own feelings actually ended up as the opposite of empathy.
- noobiemcfoob 10y agoJesus, this has hit me in the butt so often in life. Practicing the Golden Rule apparently doesn't work so well when you're eccentric. /Why are you upset I don't just walk into your house!?
- arpa 10y agothe feelings we experience are the same, the triggers, of course, differ. What i mean is that in order to understand why is something happening, you need to understand what is happening. That being said, i'm no guru. It's only my personal experience.
- logfromblammo 10y agoI hate getting compliments, period. Excessive praise makes me feel uncomfortable. In Parks and Recreation, Ron Swanson gives exactly the sort of compliments I would be comfortable with: "Your work product is often adequate.", "Sharing a workspace with you is not entirely unpleasant.", "I don't dread seeing your face entering my office.", "You remind me of a 16 oz. porterhouse." It makes me a bit sad that they were perceived as jokes.
- mjevans 10y agoI think the last one was.
- wpietri 10y ago> Eh, you're assuming everyone feels the same way about everything. I don't believe that's the case; I think you're just early on in the process arpa describes. For me, part of really coming to know my own feelings was understanding the feeling very separately from the circumstances that trigger it. With that separation in hand, it was much easier to develop deeper empathy. I would perceive other people's emotions and then work on reverse-engineering their very different triggers and preferences. And, of course, reverse-engineering how I ended up with the particular triggers and preferences I had myself. For anybody eager to pursue that route, the two things I recommend are a meditation practice and seeing a therapist.