5 ms·

If you surround yourself with people who ... care about other things more than about building a successful business I've worked with all kinds of laggards, att

If you surround yourself with people who ... care about other things more than about building a successful business I've worked with all kinds of laggards, attitude cases and/or bona fide sociopaths my time; most are difficult to spot up front. But show me someone who genuinely cares more about their employer's or their own business than their spouse and their children, and who hasn't done the only honorable thing to do once they've reached that point -- namely, to file for no-fault divorce and unambiguously hand over custody of said children to said spouse; along with a hefty trust fund for each kid -- then at least I'll know they'll be impossible to work for or with in any capacity, and inevitably a poison pill to any effective, sustainable organization. In other words -- you're bluffing. No one (who isn't single and without kids) genuinely believes that you shouldn't "care about other things more than about building a successful business". Everyone knows that it's a balancing act -- it's just a question of how you tune the parameters. But if you genuinely, literally believe that -- then do the world a favor, and put the following disclaimer on each and every job description you put out: "Please be advised that this position is not suitable for persons entrusted with the care of young children (or minors). And in any case, such persons will not be hired."

csbubbles 10y ago
I've been married since 2003, and my daughter is 9 years old. And I do care about my business more than about my family.
- cookiecaper 10y ago
  This is horrifyingly sad. Please erase evidence of this before the HN edit deadline expires and seek therapy. They offer it online now: try http://talkspace.com http://talkspace.com. The impact you can have on the world through children is much bigger than the impact you can have through Yet-Another-Music-Startup. A typical child is going to influence generations. It will be hundreds of years before their significance fades, whether their influence is positive or negative. That is true for anyone who has kids. Be a positive influence. I've personally heard of maybe 3 music startups and I know the names of 0 music-related founders. Most of these companies will exist for a few years and then dissipate, and that's fine. They will serve a function for a limited time and make some users happier, and perhaps provide a good living for their investors, founders, and employees. Then no one will remember them, and that is as it should be. Please come back down to earth. While it's true that you won't become famous by raising good kids, the net effect is far superior for everyone than any corporate effort could be. Family support and encouragement at all levels (parents, spouses, siblings, children) is a pre-requisite, not a drain, that enables the world's visionaries to succeed. Successful relationships with a spouse and a child are (usually) maturing, perspective-broadening things that make people better workers, not worse ones. I'm sure your investors would be very put off if they found these comments, not to mention your wife and daughter should they ever stumble across it. Please do yourself and the innocent people in your family a favor and fix not only these posts, but the attitude that birthed them.
  - csbubbles 10y ago
    I am afraid you are still not getting what I've been trying to explain. There might exist completely different perspectives and things can work differently for different people, different relationships, etc. Not spending a lot of time with your family doesn't necessarily mean having bad relationship or having troubles with your relatives. Moreover, if your partners accept what you do and how it affects them (sometimes maybe in an unfortunate way), it actually can make your relationships much stronger. What will happen with the next generations - no one knows. I think it's a bit irrelevant and idealistic. I live my own life. I want to make the best out of it. For myself, for my family, and for all the other people. What will happen after my life ends won't really matter for me (I am an atheist/agnostic). I am not saying we shouldn't invest our resources in the next generations, but instead of hoping on our kids and putting all the burden on them, I firmly believe we first should do whatever we can ourselves. I am afraid your examples actually play against you. Steve Jobs (just off the top of my head) completely abandoned his family and built one of the greatest company of all times. Please just try to get a bit out of your personal mindset and try to think and look at these things from a different angle. If something seems to be bad or wrong for you doesn't really mean that it's bad or wrong for everybody.
    - kafkaesq 10y ago
      Steve Jobs (just off the top of my head) completely abandoned his family and built one of the greatest company of all times. Which he later came to regret, most profoundly: Years later, after Jobs left Apple, he acknowledged Lisa and attempted to reconcile with her. Chrisann Brennan wrote that "he apologized many times over for his behavior" to her and Lisa and "said that he never took responsibility when he should have, and that he was sorry."[2]† In general, you may want to re-visit the implicit principle on which you're operating: namely "Someone incredibly famous and widely admired for their achievements did highly contemptible thing X, that was plainly and unnecessarily hurtful to other people; therefore, it's OK if I do it." As if it was ever necessary for Jobs to have turned his boak on his family in the flagrantly callous manner that he did in order for us to have the shiny gizmos that we hold in our hands today, in the first place. If anything, all it amounted to was a distraction and impediment towards those ends. † https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lisa_Brennan-Jobs https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lisa_Brennan-Jobs

csbubbles 10y ago

I've been married since 2003, and my daughter is 9 years old. And I do care about my business more than about my family.

cookiecaper 10y ago
This is horrifyingly sad. Please erase evidence of this before the HN edit deadline expires and seek therapy. They offer it online now: try http://talkspace.com http://talkspace.com. The impact you can have on the world through children is much bigger than the impact you can have through Yet-Another-Music-Startup. A typical child is going to influence generations. It will be hundreds of years before their significance fades, whether their influence is positive or negative. That is true for anyone who has kids. Be a positive influence. I've personally heard of maybe 3 music startups and I know the names of 0 music-related founders. Most of these companies will exist for a few years and then dissipate, and that's fine. They will serve a function for a limited time and make some users happier, and perhaps provide a good living for their investors, founders, and employees. Then no one will remember them, and that is as it should be. Please come back down to earth. While it's true that you won't become famous by raising good kids, the net effect is far superior for everyone than any corporate effort could be. Family support and encouragement at all levels (parents, spouses, siblings, children) is a pre-requisite, not a drain, that enables the world's visionaries to succeed. Successful relationships with a spouse and a child are (usually) maturing, perspective-broadening things that make people better workers, not worse ones. I'm sure your investors would be very put off if they found these comments, not to mention your wife and daughter should they ever stumble across it. Please do yourself and the innocent people in your family a favor and fix not only these posts, but the attitude that birthed them.
- csbubbles 10y ago
  I am afraid you are still not getting what I've been trying to explain. There might exist completely different perspectives and things can work differently for different people, different relationships, etc. Not spending a lot of time with your family doesn't necessarily mean having bad relationship or having troubles with your relatives. Moreover, if your partners accept what you do and how it affects them (sometimes maybe in an unfortunate way), it actually can make your relationships much stronger. What will happen with the next generations - no one knows. I think it's a bit irrelevant and idealistic. I live my own life. I want to make the best out of it. For myself, for my family, and for all the other people. What will happen after my life ends won't really matter for me (I am an atheist/agnostic). I am not saying we shouldn't invest our resources in the next generations, but instead of hoping on our kids and putting all the burden on them, I firmly believe we first should do whatever we can ourselves. I am afraid your examples actually play against you. Steve Jobs (just off the top of my head) completely abandoned his family and built one of the greatest company of all times. Please just try to get a bit out of your personal mindset and try to think and look at these things from a different angle. If something seems to be bad or wrong for you doesn't really mean that it's bad or wrong for everybody.
  - kafkaesq 10y ago
    Steve Jobs (just off the top of my head) completely abandoned his family and built one of the greatest company of all times. Which he later came to regret, most profoundly: Years later, after Jobs left Apple, he acknowledged Lisa and attempted to reconcile with her. Chrisann Brennan wrote that "he apologized many times over for his behavior" to her and Lisa and "said that he never took responsibility when he should have, and that he was sorry."[2]† In general, you may want to re-visit the implicit principle on which you're operating: namely "Someone incredibly famous and widely admired for their achievements did highly contemptible thing X, that was plainly and unnecessarily hurtful to other people; therefore, it's OK if I do it." As if it was ever necessary for Jobs to have turned his boak on his family in the flagrantly callous manner that he did in order for us to have the shiny gizmos that we hold in our hands today, in the first place. If anything, all it amounted to was a distraction and impediment towards those ends. † https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lisa_Brennan-Jobs https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lisa_Brennan-Jobs