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One can't live one's whole life worried about this. When I (female) ask male colleagues etc for informational interviews, work coffee, other meetings, I face th
by kaitai 10y ago
One can't live one's whole life worried about this. When I (female) ask male colleagues etc for informational interviews, work coffee, other meetings, I face the same problem. All you can do is be clear in the first place and exit gracefully if misunderstanding persists.
"Hey, I'm really interested in your experience teaching kids how to create GUIs using tkinter. Could I ask you about that over coffee?" If there's a persistent misunderstanding that this is a romantic conversation, you just gotta leave it -- nothing else to do.
- Teever 10y agoThe natural conclusion of this train of thought is to never ask someone out for coffee to begin with as the OP was suggesting.
- kaitai 10y agoIf you're going to take it that way, don't interact with humans ever. You do you, my friend. But that's black-and-white illogical thinking. "Once I asked a woman to discuss a tech thing and then she mentioned her boyfriend forever." Who cares? One person had a hangup or a bad experience, and the horrible outcome is that she mentioned her boyfriend a few times. Try again with someone else, guy or gal. Try asking two people to coffee at once. There won't be any tragedies if you are polite and professional.
- microcolonel 10y ago>the horrible outcome is that she mentioned her boyfriend a few times. You're missing the point. The horrible outcome is that she will forever hold the irrational concern that you're hitting on her. It will colour everything you say or do.
- munchbunny 10y agoI think he/she got the point, but just doesn't see it as a big deal. I don't either, though I can understand the hesitation. The parent poster's point is that you really can't let that bother you, and that in situations like these a thicker skin for awkwardness pared with straightforward but polite communication will serve you better in the long run.
- kaitai 10y agoExactly.
- Teever 10y agoI care. I care when a woman takes a totally innocuous statement or question the wrong way and thinks to her self "That guy is creepy." I care when she tells her friends "stay away from that guy, he's a creep." I care when she gets promoted and becomes my boss and thinks "that guys a creep."
- fasfdkjlk 10y agoSince my bad experience inviting a female colleague out to coffee, I've never really gotten too socially close to my female colleagues, and it has harmed neither my professional career nor my social life. I have female friends, I just don't make them at work.