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It seems weird to me that nobody seems to see the evidence: as a parent you just want your kids to be happy. Happy in the correct way, which means long-term hap

by gbog 10y ago

It seems weird to me that nobody seems to see the evidence: as a parent you just want your kids to be happy. Happy in the correct way, which means long-term happiness, built with good cultural background, reasonable social skills, constructive hobbies, ability to have some of those good friends, etc. Most of these are not achieved if you're kid is "super smart". Being the father of Einstein is probably very good for the ego, but "being Einstein" is a curse. (Same with pop or movie stars: people that get a lot of attention are less happy.)

toast0 10y ago
It doesn't really matter if being "super smart" makes your kid happier or not; they are who they are. If they're "super smart, academic interests will likely have intrinsic rewards, and supporting that is going to increase happiness. Telling one of these kids to shut the book and watch tv isn't going to make them happier.
- gbog 10y ago
  Shut the book and watch tv (and eat chocolate bars) is the sure way to low self esteem, you'd never go that way. Your kid being super smart doesn't matter here. Also most parents will believe their kid is smarter than average, no need to encourage this illusion which can hurt a lot when you have to face reality.
ikeyany 10y ago
There are several kinds of happiness. You seem to be describing contentment. What about the happiness that comes from knowing that you are the very best? The ego is a very powerful motivator of human behavior...just look around you for proof that everyone wants fame or notoriety of some kind.
- cloverich 10y ago
  I don't think contentment is equatable to happiness. Specifically there's a misconception that people that are extremely happy resign themselves to contently doing nothing. But the opposite is the case -- happy people achieve the best of their potential, make the best decisions, and feel more motivated to seek out new (perhaps creative, challenging) tasks. > just look around you for proof that everyone wants fame or notoriety of some kind I think another way to look at that is -- everyone wants to be socially accepted, respected, and loved.
bloaf 10y ago
This is certainly true, but there is another way to think about it. If you suspect that some kid (including your own) will be likely to make some moderate-scale positive contribution to the world (e.g. invention of the telephone) do you have some moral obligation to ensure that the kid has the training, resources, and encouragement to do so? Essentially, can you weigh the potential benefits to humanity against that child's preferences?
- gbog 10y ago
  Yes. If your kid is obviously a piano genius at five and asks for a good master you should provide. But be careful to not project your own dreams onto your kids. No need to push.
- Bakary 10y ago
  In theory this is an interesting argument bit I feel that in practice it relies on too much hypothetical thinking. There's no way to predict what such a contribution might even look like in our era.
michaelkeenan 10y ago
> as a parent you just want your kids to be happy I think this isn't universal. "Tiger mother"-style parenting[1] doesn't seem optimized for happiness, and whatever impulse is behind punishing or occasionally murdering your children for premarital sex[2] doesn't seem happiness-focused either. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiger_mother https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiger_mother [2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honor_killing https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honor_killing
- gbog 10y ago
  Sure honor killing is an exception, but tiger mothers will tell you that they work hard to make sure their kids will be happy in their adult life. Maybe I wouldn't agree with their definition of happiness, because to me bring the best is very far from it. Being able to ensure high pressure, however, is a condition of happiness in many places.
linkregister 10y ago
Was Albert Einstein cursed? It seemed that he lived a full life. He married, was a respected lecturer for the entirety of his life even after his peak in his mid-20s.

by gbog 10y ago

toast0 10y ago

It doesn't really matter if being "super smart" makes your kid happier or not; they are who they are. If they're "super smart, academic interests will likely have intrinsic rewards, and supporting that is going to increase happiness. Telling one of these kids to shut the book and watch tv isn't going to make them happier.

gbog 10y ago
Shut the book and watch tv (and eat chocolate bars) is the sure way to low self esteem, you'd never go that way. Your kid being super smart doesn't matter here. Also most parents will believe their kid is smarter than average, no need to encourage this illusion which can hurt a lot when you have to face reality.

ikeyany 10y ago

There are several kinds of happiness. You seem to be describing contentment. What about the happiness that comes from knowing that you are the very best? The ego is a very powerful motivator of human behavior...just look around you for proof that everyone wants fame or notoriety of some kind.

cloverich 10y ago
I don't think contentment is equatable to happiness. Specifically there's a misconception that people that are extremely happy resign themselves to contently doing nothing. But the opposite is the case -- happy people achieve the best of their potential, make the best decisions, and feel more motivated to seek out new (perhaps creative, challenging) tasks. > just look around you for proof that everyone wants fame or notoriety of some kind I think another way to look at that is -- everyone wants to be socially accepted, respected, and loved.

bloaf 10y ago

This is certainly true, but there is another way to think about it. If you suspect that some kid (including your own) will be likely to make some moderate-scale positive contribution to the world (e.g. invention of the telephone) do you have some moral obligation to ensure that the kid has the training, resources, and encouragement to do so? Essentially, can you weigh the potential benefits to humanity against that child's preferences?

gbog 10y ago
Yes. If your kid is obviously a piano genius at five and asks for a good master you should provide. But be careful to not project your own dreams onto your kids. No need to push.
Bakary 10y ago
In theory this is an interesting argument bit I feel that in practice it relies on too much hypothetical thinking. There's no way to predict what such a contribution might even look like in our era.

michaelkeenan 10y ago

> as a parent you just want your kids to be happy I think this isn't universal. "Tiger mother"-style parenting[1] doesn't seem optimized for happiness, and whatever impulse is behind punishing or occasionally murdering your children for premarital sex[2] doesn't seem happiness-focused either. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiger_mother https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiger_mother [2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honor_killing https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honor_killing

gbog 10y ago
Sure honor killing is an exception, but tiger mothers will tell you that they work hard to make sure their kids will be happy in their adult life. Maybe I wouldn't agree with their definition of happiness, because to me bring the best is very far from it. Being able to ensure high pressure, however, is a condition of happiness in many places.

linkregister 10y ago

Was Albert Einstein cursed? It seemed that he lived a full life. He married, was a respected lecturer for the entirety of his life even after his peak in his mid-20s.