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Researchers Confront an Epidemic of Loneliness
- hclivess 10y agothe TV consensus has been breached. Now suffer the existential pain!
- Practicality 10y agoWhat is "the TV consensus?" Google does not turn up anything useful for this term.
- Terr_ 10y agoPerhaps they meant the idealized dollhouse of mutual buddies seen in various shows and sitcoms? It's hard to make weekly shows about lonely people with only one permanent cast member...
- cLeEOGPw 10y agoArticle focuses on senior citizens. But loneliness is far from only senior people problem. More and more young and middle age men and women are lonely in western world. Maybe this will be a step towards trying to do something about young people loneliness too, as lonely young people have even worse impact on society than lonely old people.
- mac01021 10y agoYoung people can walk and drive longer distances, and so normally have less reason to remain lonely, I would guess. Do lonely young people continue to be lonely mainly because they don't know how to initiate social interaction? Or because they don't realize that companionship is what they need?
- PedroBatista 10y agoBoth
- mac01021 10y agoBut are those the two main reasons? Or is there some other cause that I'm not considering?
- randcraw 10y agoI suspect many lonelies don't conform to the conventional "nuclear family" which makes it harder to find social outlets. Or they're older and/or divorced. It seems to me like there used to be a lot more clubs and interest groups meeting regularly 20 years ago. In my area (near Philly) all the meetups seem to take place near our downtown metro area, creating travel constraints which make it hard for someone without a car to attend. And even then, most clubs meet only once a month, which doesn't make for much human contact. I suspect the availability of interest groups on the web/net has diminished the demand to meet in person, which no doubt contributes to the loss of interpersonal bonding.
- zeveb 10y ago> Young people can walk and drive longer distances, and so normally have less reason to remain lonely, I would guess. Where would a young person walk or drive to, if there is no-one to visit? > Do lonely young people continue to be lonely mainly because they don't know how to initiate social interaction? That's probably part of it. One can't walk up to random people and introduce oneself without being seen as some sort of creep or weirdo, after all. > Or because they don't realize that companionship is what they need? That probably doesn't help either.
- mac01021 10y agoBut are those the two main reasons? Or is there some other cause that I'm not considering?
- astazangasta 10y ago
- Futurebot 10y agoThe book "The Lonely American: Drifting Apart in the Twenty-first Century" by Jacqueline Olds explores this topic at length. I recommend it to anyone interested in a thorough (and at times, heart-wrenching) treatment of the topic.
- SaasDeveloper1 10y agoI used to be lonely\empty before deciding to follow Christ. I tried and did just about anything and everything to fill this void and nothing lasted. Giving my life over to Him literally changed my life. I'm convinced that we are all created to be in a relationship with Him and until we are we will constantly search for other ways to fill that void.
- vijayr 10y agoThat might work for some people. But there are some of us who prefer to socialize with someone who we can see, hear, talk to, laugh/play with and touch
- aoiao 10y agoGlad to know you know what I need.
- CuriouslyC 10y agoWe all need to find meaning for our existence. I'm pleased that you've found one that makes you happy. Please consider that meaning is personal, and don't proselytize your way as a privileged one that should apply to all people. Take a moment when you make statements of that sort and ask yourself what your true motivations are.
- iN7h33nD 10y agoWhat an excellent response! You just summarized my exact feelings about his post better than I ever could!
- SaasDeveloper1 10y agoSome people are lonely and looking for help. I've been there and this decision was the best thing that ever happened to me. I've seen it work for countless others. My motivation is simply to help others.
- CuriouslyC 10y agoI appreciate that you want to help other people, but when you make blanket statements like that, it implies other meanings people have found are somehow inferior. Through Jesus you gained a feeling that you are loved, that you exist as part of something larger than yourself, and your life has purpose. Those ultimate results are what you should be trying to lead people to. There's nothing wrong with sharing how the teachings of Jesus lead you there. Think of it this way - there are many paths to a destination, which one you should take depends on where you are starting your journey.
- cm3 10y agoGenuinely curious, is there a scientific definition of loneliness, and what parameters does it involve, since it's hardly black or white?
- ap22213 10y agoI'm pretty lonely. After years of moving around and making lots of 'disposable friends' - mostly work friends, I eventually settled in the burbs. The conversations out here are limited to the most superficial things: kids, weather, new restaurants, landscaping companies, etc. But, since most of us came from different places, took very different paths, there's huge cultural differences to overcome. And, there's almost no overlap in interests - so nothing to gather around. Also, being a male seems to make it much more difficult - many of us are raised to be self-reliant, independent, reserved and undaunted. It's a sign of weakness for us to admit to loneliness. Plus, many are by biology competitive and view the other males as potential threats. Lots of the guys I meet are wearing masks, holding their cards close, sizing each other up, and trying to one-up the others. When I go to the coffee shops and see all the men sitting alone, it's depressing.
- CuriouslyC 10y agoI live a life apart and I've extremely happy. Find something besides social interactions to give your life meaning. Find small ways to be kind and compassionate in the rare interactions you do have. Do things that put you near other people, even if you don't necessarily interact. Don't think that your life is wanting because you don't socialize. If you strip away the veneers of culture, socialization is just a way to find identity, meaning and pass time. You can do all that on your own terms, and some of the wisest people in history have purposefully separated themselves to do just that.
- AstralStorm 10y agoFor most, loneliness is not a choice, so whatever you just said is meaningless and will not work. It is not identity they are looking for, but actual socialisation. Most people are hardwired that way. Being separated sometimes gives perspective, but... How many of those men were actually happy? If it's almost a cliché.
- CuriouslyC 10y agoLoneliness is a consequence of your beliefs. If you believe that your beliefs cannot be changed, then you certainly won't be able to change. Why you would want to stay unhappy is beyond me, though. I can tell you from my personal experience, I was lonely in the past, I'm not lonely anymore, and if anything I've become more isolated over time. My total interaction time with other people is on the order of about 2 hours a week. I'm crazy happy, I literally love my life and am excited for every new day. The difference is in my beliefs.
- fallingfrog 10y agoI have a feeling that this is all related to the entry of women into the workplace. Don't get me wrong; patriarchy is oppression and it has to go- but I think there were a lot of jobs being done by women which are now being done by nobody, and among those are the jobs of maintaining social cohesion and networking and so forth, which are a lot easier to do if you and your friends are somewhere other than at work at the same time. But if you and your neighbors are not consistently at home and have free time at the same time, how would you get to know them? Also, if the jobs of doing housework and cooking now has to be done after work hours, when is there time to join a bowling league? We are all in debt up to the eyeballs and working too much - the loss of social cohesion is hardly surprising. I mean, patriarchy is a system that has been in place for literally thousands of years, until this generation. And we have nothing to replace it with. What really should be happening is that a) in households with two working people, the total combined hours worked by both should not exceed 40 hours and b) there should be some consistency to when those hours are, so that you and your friends can be home at the same time. If that doesn't happen, then we are going to start looking like Japan - sky high suicide rate, plunging birth rate.. Again, I'm not arguing that sexism or patriarchy was ever a good thing, I'm just saying that our current system of labor might not be sustainable now that it's going away.
- Practicality 10y agoI generally agree and would say the root cause is that we are individually poorer and this is forcing both members of a partnership into the workforce to make up the difference. If women worked and men all stayed home, did chores and social networking we would not be lonely again. I don't think it has much to do with gender so much as "we have less free time." It just shows up as women working, but I don't think women working is the cause, merely a symptom.
- fallingfrog 10y agoAh, but what if the fact that we are individually poorer mostly derives from supply and demand - in other words, if labor is more abundant, then the price paid by an employer for labor goes down? In that case it is plausible that the entry of women into the workplace could be part of what's causing the drop in wages as well. And in that case it's a self reinforcing feedback loop, since if everyone else has two people working then you have to do that too, just to maintain stable wages.
- CatsoCatsoCatso 10y agoA national study released this year showed Sixty-five to 79 is the happiest age group for adults in the UK. Though this declined in the over-80s. So what happens around the age of 80? http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-35471624 http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-35471624
- Wonnk13 10y agoyour friends start to die?
- atombath 10y ago1) I grew up a solitary person in what felt like the middle of nowhere and have always been force-fed that 'humans are social creatures' adage when people can't understand when I say I am not lonely. With the internet and improvements to independent-agency, I think we're beginning to see how anti-social humans really are. Existing alone, I do feel bored once in a while... but not lonely. 2) I believe many-if-not-most people surround themselves with others in order to improve their feelings about themselves. For instance many people jump from one relationship to another and as a result they never spend time with themselves, so they never learn who they are. I imagine that these people really do feel a crippling sense of loneliness... because it's the well they've been pulling self-worth from for their entire lives. 3) The article references how men are unlikely to call into a phone line for a sense of community and theorizes that it is likely because they're shouldering the burden. More likely that it's because talking to a complete stranger and asking about each other's day is superficial and/or vain. The wood shop is a much better/cooler idea... as learning a new hobby is a good way to get with new people.
- deleted 10y ago[deleted]