4 ms·
You've thought about this a lifetime, me, 20 seconds. That means my opinion is of little value to you. But let me give you a 3rd option. A middle ground betw
by cryptnoob 17y ago
You've thought about this a lifetime, me, 20 seconds. That means my opinion is of little value to you.
But let me give you a 3rd option. A middle ground between never dating and putting Ms. X through the pain of your illness.
That middle ground is this. Go date. Go have that relationship. It will probably end on it's own in a few months, as most relationships do. In case it doesn't end on it's own, you have the fallback plan of ending it if you get sick. Just slip into asshole mode, when you get sick, and if she doesn't end it, then you end it. Tell her you want to see other people, etc. That will hurt her, of course, but so what? If she wasn't dating you, she'd be dating somebody else, who, statistically speaking, would also end the relationship, and would also cause her that breakup pain that we all feel more times than we would like to. So she's not getting more pain, just the same pain everybody else gets.
Once you make up your mind that you will proceed on that course of action, you can go ahead and enter a relationship with no worries. Nine times out of ten, all this soul searching will have been for not, because most relationships end, and they all end painfully. On that 10th time, you have a plan to avoid inflicting any extra pain, by making it look just like the other nine times.
If they almost all end painfully, why get into relationships at all? Because it's worth it. In almost all cases, the area under the joy curve is greater than the area under the pain curve.
- Deestan 17y agoI'd advise against "going into asshole mode". She'll notice the illogical change in behaviour and very likely put two and two together when she finds out you died of a known illness a short time later. She'll know you weren't really an asshole and just feel guilty because she couldn't be there to give comfort in the end, and a lifetime of "I should have seen the signs" et al.
- cryptnoob 17y agoHow very PC of you. Meanwhile, you have somebody who is afraid to date, without laying out a whole big drama scene on his perspective girlfriend. You would rather make every relationship this guy has (yes, there will be more than one) be an 'After School Special'. You get 15 karma points for validating his current viewpoint, which he's obviously not happy with and which is keeping him single. Cool. That seems worth it to me. I disagree that this woman will "somehow find out and be scarred for life". I reject that it's better he stay single on the hypothetical theory that she might be scarred. I have a problem with PC bullshit, but that's just me.
- ErrantX 17y agoI think Deestan was more suggesting that turning into an Asshole would not be the best way to handle such a situation (breaking up). Im not certain but I am guessing that recurrence of the disease would not be something to happen over night. You could detach from a relationship perfectly well in a few weeks if you wanted without being an asshole :)
- Deestan 17y agoAre you having an imaginary argument with me?
- foldr 17y ago> That will hurt her, of course, but so what? If she wasn't dating you, she'd be dating somebody else, who, statistically speaking, would also end the relationship, and would also cause her that breakup pain that we all feel more times than we would like to. So she's not getting more pain, just the same pain everybody else gets. No-one capable of that level of cynicism should be in a relationship with anyone. Just FTR, it's not ok to hurt someone because someone else would probably hurt them if you didn't.