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I strongly disagree with most of what you have described. A lack of interest in certain topics or unwillingness to engage in particular activities does not aut

by borplk 10y ago

I strongly disagree with most of what you have described. A lack of interest in certain topics or unwillingness to engage in particular activities does not automatically imply that I think those are below me or that I'm superior. I'm simply indifferent. This is a popular misunderstanding that people keep repeating over and over again "Oh he doesn't like X he must think he is too good for that.". Second I disagree with the notion that complying with the social norm is "social/communication skill" while an unwillingness to conform, or being slightly different from the norm somehow means defective or low "communication skill". I know damn well how to conform and make everyone approve of me and praise me for "communication skills" but I simply don't want to. If I don't dive into the smalltalk that's because I have no desire to do so, not because of my communication skills. It's like a bunch of introverts blaming the others for not having good "solitude skills". How come we don't fault extroverts for not being able to shut up for a while?

yigitcakar 10y ago
My point to take was communication is a skill and like every other skill, there is a gap in understanding between masters and novices. It happens everywhere; expert carpenters forget how they first started so they can't relate to their apprentices. In every practice, the basics are ingrained into master's psyche and they can't understand how you can't handle such a simple task. In every skill there are protocols to learn as a beginner and small talk is where you start when it comes to communication. I think that people are like programming languages. Each one of us are Turing complete, but each one of us are suited better for different tasks. Small talk is the "Hello World" of human interaction. You start understanding other people's syntax and how they function through small talk. Extroverts understand that innately. You can't move on to deeper subjects with another person until you understand what they are made of. We tend to dismiss small talk as unimportant so we fail to build rapport with our peers. Without rapport, our relations and the topics we discuss stay shallow. We start misjudging other people as shallow based on our interactions, failing to recognize our indifference toward other people is the root cause of this shallowness. Communication is the pillar human society is built upon so it is a good idea to master its intricacies. Especially in this age if you want to build anything worthwhile, you have to have a deep understanding of how to communicate with others. If you have that understanding kudos to you. We generally fail to understand that, and my first comment was exploring why I personally failed and became lonelier over time, hoping that it might help someone in a similar situation since being and feeling lonely is not good for the long term.* To answer your last question; I think "mindfulness" is just introverts blaming others for not having good solitude skills and doing something about it. Thank you for this interaction. * There is a longitudinal Harvard study on happiness, you might want to watch the TED talk of its director : https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good_life_lessons_from_the_longest_study_on_happiness https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good...

by borplk 10y ago

yigitcakar 10y ago

My point to take was communication is a skill and like every other skill, there is a gap in understanding between masters and novices. It happens everywhere; expert carpenters forget how they first started so they can't relate to their apprentices. In every practice, the basics are ingrained into master's psyche and they can't understand how you can't handle such a simple task. In every skill there are protocols to learn as a beginner and small talk is where you start when it comes to communication. I think that people are like programming languages. Each one of us are Turing complete, but each one of us are suited better for different tasks. Small talk is the "Hello World" of human interaction. You start understanding other people's syntax and how they function through small talk. Extroverts understand that innately. You can't move on to deeper subjects with another person until you understand what they are made of. We tend to dismiss small talk as unimportant so we fail to build rapport with our peers. Without rapport, our relations and the topics we discuss stay shallow. We start misjudging other people as shallow based on our interactions, failing to recognize our indifference toward other people is the root cause of this shallowness. Communication is the pillar human society is built upon so it is a good idea to master its intricacies. Especially in this age if you want to build anything worthwhile, you have to have a deep understanding of how to communicate with others. If you have that understanding kudos to you. We generally fail to understand that, and my first comment was exploring why I personally failed and became lonelier over time, hoping that it might help someone in a similar situation since being and feeling lonely is not good for the long term.* To answer your last question; I think "mindfulness" is just introverts blaming others for not having good solitude skills and doing something about it. Thank you for this interaction. * There is a longitudinal Harvard study on happiness, you might want to watch the TED talk of its director : https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good_life_lessons_from_the_longest_study_on_happiness https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good...