3 ms·

I think your response is more a critique of the system of control we live under. You can never truly connect with people anymore, only through cheap channels (m

by yarou 10y ago

I think your response is more a critique of the system of control we live under. You can never truly connect with people anymore, only through cheap channels (mainly walled gardens) that trivialize friendship to begin with. Friendship as a word had more meaning before the advent of social media. Now it's become depersonalized: followers, Facebook/Instagram friends, Snapchat followers, Tinder pseudo-relationships, etc. I've found the walled gardens to be the main problem. When I hopped on my Pentium II with my 28.8k modem, I met some of the most interesting people in the world. I still communicate with some to this day, but it's harder and harder to discover new friendships past a certain age. I'd say your solution might be found in a different environment - perhaps a different state or country?

pmoriarty 10y ago
Actually, I was thinking more of "real-life" relationships than online ones. Online it's even worse in some ways, as you point out, but better in others, as you can easily find a niche of people interested in whatever obscure thing you might be interested in at the moment -- though whether you can leverage that common interest to a meaningful relationship is quite another story. As for moving, I've done that many times in my life. I've found that for me, unless I already know somebody in the place I'm moving to, and can meet people through them, I have a very difficult time making new friends. And there's virtually no one I know well anywhere any more. I think what it ultimately boils down to is not being very social to begin with, combined with some social phobia, with mostly non-mainstream interests, and being content enough with my own company most of the time. That's lead to a lifetime of habits and choices that have resulted in the withering of my friendships the lack of enough motivation to make much effort to get new ones. Most of the time I don't even think about it, and when I do, I just wonder why I should bother, as my attempts usually lead to nothing or just more pain and suffering. It doesn't help that the people I'd probably have the most in common with probably aren't very social themselves and have problems making friends too.
justinlardinois 10y ago
This is just "kids today and their loud music" hang wringing. Social media is no substitute for meaningful interaction, but does anyone actually think it is? It's a nice middle ground between having someone important and involved in your life and hardly communicating with them at all; just because I don't want/can't maintain the former with someone doesn't mean I want the latter. Tinder's a weird one to group in there, since it's geared towards meeting new people, not keeping up with your friends. Also > You can never truly connect with people anymore Why not? You can still go outside and talk to people.

by yarou 10y ago

pmoriarty 10y ago

Actually, I was thinking more of "real-life" relationships than online ones. Online it's even worse in some ways, as you point out, but better in others, as you can easily find a niche of people interested in whatever obscure thing you might be interested in at the moment -- though whether you can leverage that common interest to a meaningful relationship is quite another story. As for moving, I've done that many times in my life. I've found that for me, unless I already know somebody in the place I'm moving to, and can meet people through them, I have a very difficult time making new friends. And there's virtually no one I know well anywhere any more. I think what it ultimately boils down to is not being very social to begin with, combined with some social phobia, with mostly non-mainstream interests, and being content enough with my own company most of the time. That's lead to a lifetime of habits and choices that have resulted in the withering of my friendships the lack of enough motivation to make much effort to get new ones. Most of the time I don't even think about it, and when I do, I just wonder why I should bother, as my attempts usually lead to nothing or just more pain and suffering. It doesn't help that the people I'd probably have the most in common with probably aren't very social themselves and have problems making friends too.

justinlardinois 10y ago

This is just "kids today and their loud music" hang wringing. Social media is no substitute for meaningful interaction, but does anyone actually think it is? It's a nice middle ground between having someone important and involved in your life and hardly communicating with them at all; just because I don't want/can't maintain the former with someone doesn't mean I want the latter. Tinder's a weird one to group in there, since it's geared towards meeting new people, not keeping up with your friends. Also > You can never truly connect with people anymore Why not? You can still go outside and talk to people.