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I'm 38 now and I no longer enjoy all the interactions with my friends that I used to. Often once we get started I can get into it, but the thoughts I have in ad

I'm 38 now and I no longer enjoy all the interactions with my friends that I used to. Often once we get started I can get into it, but the thoughts I have in advance come up like a cost-analysis proposition in my head. Part of me is convinced that socialising with friends is work. I know my friends have started to feel the same as they've gotten older too. I blame things like instant messaging for making those baseline friendship interactions too easy and too disposable and too convenient. My response is to get out there and I socialise anyway. If someone makes efforts to be friendly to me I man the fuck up and return in kind and I recognise the way I feel for the fault that it is. It's a dead end that leads to unhappiness. Hanging out with people (not just your friends, ANYONE) is like exercise for your mental health. The more you hate and dread it the more you probably need it so it's best to just get it over with because it'll become easier with renewed practise.

metafunctor 10y ago
Same here (40). I no longer enjoy spending time with my friends. I've tried to force myself to socialise, but I always leave early (I cannot bear it), stressed and sweating through my blazer armpits, and just happy to leave the occasion. Family seems so much more important to me now, and only somewhat stressful. I guess I'm an introvert. I don't think that's ever going to change, and I've come to accept it. I lose energy when I'm with strangers. I don't want to do that anymore unless it is absolutely necessary. Also, I am happy. I do not feel lonely. I may also be a bit of a hermit.
- throwaway049 10y ago
  I associate blazers with a degree of formality and if I'm wearing one it's probably because I am somewhere I am obliged to be rather than really socializing.
- beachstartup 10y ago
  > I guess I'm an introvert uh, you're sweating and freaking out when you're interacting with people. that isn't introversion, that's social anxiety or some other undiagnosed condition.
  - zaccus 10y ago
    Why can't it be both? Everyone is either an introvert or an extrovert, and they sure don't sound like an extrovert, so... Of course, I'm not a trained psychologist and neither are you probably, so neither of us are qualified to say either way.
  - metafunctor 10y ago
    Interacting with people is not a problem, if there's something meaningful to do. Like working together. I very much enjoy spending time with my family and closest friends. Socializing with strangers is boring and stressful, and I choose not to do it if possible. I don't feel like this is a condition that needs to be diagnosed and fixed :)

metafunctor 10y ago

Same here (40). I no longer enjoy spending time with my friends. I've tried to force myself to socialise, but I always leave early (I cannot bear it), stressed and sweating through my blazer armpits, and just happy to leave the occasion. Family seems so much more important to me now, and only somewhat stressful. I guess I'm an introvert. I don't think that's ever going to change, and I've come to accept it. I lose energy when I'm with strangers. I don't want to do that anymore unless it is absolutely necessary. Also, I am happy. I do not feel lonely. I may also be a bit of a hermit.

throwaway049 10y ago
I associate blazers with a degree of formality and if I'm wearing one it's probably because I am somewhere I am obliged to be rather than really socializing.
beachstartup 10y ago
> I guess I'm an introvert uh, you're sweating and freaking out when you're interacting with people. that isn't introversion, that's social anxiety or some other undiagnosed condition.
- zaccus 10y ago
  Why can't it be both? Everyone is either an introvert or an extrovert, and they sure don't sound like an extrovert, so... Of course, I'm not a trained psychologist and neither are you probably, so neither of us are qualified to say either way.
- metafunctor 10y ago
  Interacting with people is not a problem, if there's something meaningful to do. Like working together. I very much enjoy spending time with my family and closest friends. Socializing with strangers is boring and stressful, and I choose not to do it if possible. I don't feel like this is a condition that needs to be diagnosed and fixed :)