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I moved into an apartment alone about a year ago now. I absolutely delight living alone and being by myself in a way that I didn't think was possible. I was w

I moved into an apartment alone about a year ago now. I absolutely delight living alone and being by myself in a way that I didn't think was possible. I was worried that I'd be lonely and miserable, but I'm not. Sometimes I want some company, but usually I'm content to spend time alone reading or coding or, hell, just thinking.

nilkn 10y ago
I experienced something similar. Having my own small apartment was one of the best feelings I've ever experienced in my life. I'm a bit antisocial, but not severely so. I'm more introverted than anything else, and I discovered that I'm incredibly productive when I have a space to myself that I can retire to whenever I want and over which I have complete control. All my life I struggled with issues related to introversion, and having my own apartment basically solved all of them overnight. I've never been more social in my life than I was when I lived alone. The reason is simple: I was always able to recharge and never got to the point of being consistently drained. I've been conflicted ever since with how I want to live the rest of my life, as living alone is in conflict with a lot of other goals that are also very important to me, like marriage.
- beachstartup 10y ago
  having a nice studio apartment to yourself in a city of your choosing is one of the best parts of being single, if not the best part.
- agumonkey 10y ago
  Once I was shifted because I always came late at work[1]. At 6pm, almost everybody in the building left. The moment the last colleague leaves, I can feel my mind expand and projects ideas onto the walls. It went from absurd mayhem to my own private lab. Bliss. The power of private walls. [1] most absurd project I had the pleasure to witness, no organization whatsoever, being there at 7 would only mean waiting 2hours for directions, hence my lack of timeliness.
- lrem 10y ago
  Make sure that the person you marry understands your introversion. Even if you truly fall in love, after a couple years you will need some quiet time (the first few years may get you off your usual ways). If (s)he does not know why you seem to evade contact, it won't do any good for the two of you. Also, business travel is a blessing.
- kayla210 10y ago
  I'm currently dealing with if I want to rent out an apartment by myself or if I want to find a roommate/friend to share it with. On one hand, YAY NO PEOPLE AND FULL CONTROL OF THE PLACE; on the other hand, I don't want to get depressed when I start missing seeing people when I get home. I feel like living on my own would help me so much socially/physically/emotionally than finding someone to room with.
  - Klinky 10y ago
    Roommates should be seen as a business transaction. I would not rely on then for social interaction. Some of the horror stories suggest they could be very detrimental to your mental health. Also a quick way to find out you don't like your friend as much as you thought you did is to live with them 24/7.
    - kayla210 10y ago
      That's true. I believe I make enough to manage a decent-to-nice apartment on my own, so I won't have to have a roommate to make rent. Right now, I'm just saving up and paying off student loans and my credit card and casually looking at apartments near the city and my work.
- Jade_Jet 10y ago
  I'm very much introverted and like doing my own thing a lot. My wife is the same way. I was worried about the same thing you are. The key is to find someone who gets you and can relate to that feeling. My home is still a safe escape for me, but my home is my wife now as cheesy as that sounds.
overcast 10y ago
After eleven years alone in my own house, I have the same sentiment. Do I get lonely? Sure. But I value being able to do whatever the hell I want, whenever I want much more than the occasional loneliness. Coming back to absolute silence is far understated.
pmoriarty 10y ago
Yeah, I guess being alone is alright for a year or three or five.. but eventually it kind of gets old. Also, there's a big difference between merely living alone, and being alone.
GuiA 10y ago
I'm generally the same. What I found makes the difference, between being happy in that situation and depressed, is ease of access to social contact. While there are weekends that I'm happy to spend completely at home, seeing no one (except perhaps my girlfriend) and reading/working on projects, I know that if I really needed to see someone I could text some friends and be grabbing a drink or meal with them within a few hours. This is now that I have a fairly well established social network. In college, the same situation - living alone, working on personal stuff all weekend but without a social network I could tap into - was a little depressing at times.
privateersman 10y ago
As one of the quotes indicates: "If individuals perceive loneliness as a stressor, their body may be adapting by helping this individual get up and go." The solution is to not allow outside influences to trick you into thinking you are lonely. Once you think you are lonely then it will spiral and spiral in the mind until it gets out of control (a stressor). So, solitude is fine provided you don't buy into the loneliness hype.
- Aenima 10y ago
  Agreed. As a millennial introvert, most of my friends are extroverted, active, and heavy users of social media. I also live in Denver, CO where most people are hiking, rafting, camping, skiing, snowshoeing, etc. For a while, the culture had me convinced that I was an oddball because I was not as extroverted and active as the people around me. This let it grow into a stressor for me. After many years, I am starting to show more acceptance towards my nature. Once I began to believe in the merits of my introversion, the stress started to melt away. Loneliness is only a problem if you believe it to be true. Unfortunately, this article is more likely to perpetuate the stress from loneliness with its disparaging attitude towards it.
duaneb 10y ago
Living alone is very different from being lonely.
agumonkey 10y ago
It's not that I am anti social, but the social game is awkward and chaotic. Most of the time I can feel people saying things they don't mean, want, do stuff to "belong". As do I. But I prefer frictionless "loneliness" or self time; mostly because there's less lies. I used to feel the way you do until I found someone that completed me. A flat would feel empty without her now.
bogomipz 10y ago
That's not uncommon, and there's nothing wrong with fully appreciating that. There's certainly a difference between enjoying solitude and being lonely. However both need to be kept in check and paid attention to I think in order to have a balanced existence.

nilkn 10y ago

I experienced something similar. Having my own small apartment was one of the best feelings I've ever experienced in my life. I'm a bit antisocial, but not severely so. I'm more introverted than anything else, and I discovered that I'm incredibly productive when I have a space to myself that I can retire to whenever I want and over which I have complete control. All my life I struggled with issues related to introversion, and having my own apartment basically solved all of them overnight. I've never been more social in my life than I was when I lived alone. The reason is simple: I was always able to recharge and never got to the point of being consistently drained. I've been conflicted ever since with how I want to live the rest of my life, as living alone is in conflict with a lot of other goals that are also very important to me, like marriage.

beachstartup 10y ago
having a nice studio apartment to yourself in a city of your choosing is one of the best parts of being single, if not the best part.
agumonkey 10y ago
Once I was shifted because I always came late at work[1]. At 6pm, almost everybody in the building left. The moment the last colleague leaves, I can feel my mind expand and projects ideas onto the walls. It went from absurd mayhem to my own private lab. Bliss. The power of private walls. [1] most absurd project I had the pleasure to witness, no organization whatsoever, being there at 7 would only mean waiting 2hours for directions, hence my lack of timeliness.
lrem 10y ago
Make sure that the person you marry understands your introversion. Even if you truly fall in love, after a couple years you will need some quiet time (the first few years may get you off your usual ways). If (s)he does not know why you seem to evade contact, it won't do any good for the two of you. Also, business travel is a blessing.
kayla210 10y ago
I'm currently dealing with if I want to rent out an apartment by myself or if I want to find a roommate/friend to share it with. On one hand, YAY NO PEOPLE AND FULL CONTROL OF THE PLACE; on the other hand, I don't want to get depressed when I start missing seeing people when I get home. I feel like living on my own would help me so much socially/physically/emotionally than finding someone to room with.
- Klinky 10y ago
  Roommates should be seen as a business transaction. I would not rely on then for social interaction. Some of the horror stories suggest they could be very detrimental to your mental health. Also a quick way to find out you don't like your friend as much as you thought you did is to live with them 24/7.
  - kayla210 10y ago
    That's true. I believe I make enough to manage a decent-to-nice apartment on my own, so I won't have to have a roommate to make rent. Right now, I'm just saving up and paying off student loans and my credit card and casually looking at apartments near the city and my work.
Jade_Jet 10y ago
I'm very much introverted and like doing my own thing a lot. My wife is the same way. I was worried about the same thing you are. The key is to find someone who gets you and can relate to that feeling. My home is still a safe escape for me, but my home is my wife now as cheesy as that sounds.

overcast 10y ago

After eleven years alone in my own house, I have the same sentiment. Do I get lonely? Sure. But I value being able to do whatever the hell I want, whenever I want much more than the occasional loneliness. Coming back to absolute silence is far understated.

pmoriarty 10y ago

Yeah, I guess being alone is alright for a year or three or five.. but eventually it kind of gets old. Also, there's a big difference between merely living alone, and being alone.

GuiA 10y ago

I'm generally the same. What I found makes the difference, between being happy in that situation and depressed, is ease of access to social contact. While there are weekends that I'm happy to spend completely at home, seeing no one (except perhaps my girlfriend) and reading/working on projects, I know that if I really needed to see someone I could text some friends and be grabbing a drink or meal with them within a few hours. This is now that I have a fairly well established social network. In college, the same situation - living alone, working on personal stuff all weekend but without a social network I could tap into - was a little depressing at times.

privateersman 10y ago

As one of the quotes indicates: "If individuals perceive loneliness as a stressor, their body may be adapting by helping this individual get up and go." The solution is to not allow outside influences to trick you into thinking you are lonely. Once you think you are lonely then it will spiral and spiral in the mind until it gets out of control (a stressor). So, solitude is fine provided you don't buy into the loneliness hype.

Aenima 10y ago
Agreed. As a millennial introvert, most of my friends are extroverted, active, and heavy users of social media. I also live in Denver, CO where most people are hiking, rafting, camping, skiing, snowshoeing, etc. For a while, the culture had me convinced that I was an oddball because I was not as extroverted and active as the people around me. This let it grow into a stressor for me. After many years, I am starting to show more acceptance towards my nature. Once I began to believe in the merits of my introversion, the stress started to melt away. Loneliness is only a problem if you believe it to be true. Unfortunately, this article is more likely to perpetuate the stress from loneliness with its disparaging attitude towards it.

duaneb 10y ago

Living alone is very different from being lonely.

agumonkey 10y ago

It's not that I am anti social, but the social game is awkward and chaotic. Most of the time I can feel people saying things they don't mean, want, do stuff to "belong". As do I. But I prefer frictionless "loneliness" or self time; mostly because there's less lies. I used to feel the way you do until I found someone that completed me. A flat would feel empty without her now.

bogomipz 10y ago

That's not uncommon, and there's nothing wrong with fully appreciating that. There's certainly a difference between enjoying solitude and being lonely. However both need to be kept in check and paid attention to I think in order to have a balanced existence.