3 ms·

Or don't even justify it, just get there and pick whatever you feel like or don't. When they're like "er, why didn't you get coffee?" say "Meh, I wasn't into it

Or don't even justify it, just get there and pick whatever you feel like or don't. When they're like "er, why didn't you get coffee?" say "Meh, I wasn't into it, I just came because I was enjoying the conversation and quite like hanging out with you" Being real always trumps being fake - even if that real looks like what you call "weird". Weird is the new normal... mostly because there is no normal. Everyone's weird; if they're not, you just don't know them well enough yet. I'd rather hang with 2 weird real people than 10 "normal" fake people - I don't even care if they don't like $4 coffees... because I don't even drink coffee.

godshatter 10y ago
Yeah, you're right. I just hate explaining myself to people all the time, I guess. It shouldn't bother me, but it does.
- sotojuan 10y ago
  You don't have to explain yourself to anyone, just say "I don't like coffee, I'll get a tea/water/juice/etc". Easy—a lot of people don't. Whatever ideas about people thinking you're weird or disliking you because of that are false. I don't get sugary coffees either. I just order a black coffee. If anyone asks (rarely happens) I just tell them I don't like sugary or sweet/caramel drinks (I don't).
- balabaster 10y ago
  The feeling you need to explain yourself comes from where? I don't need an answer to that. But look within yourself, figure out why you feel you need to explain yourself. Did you feel unheard as a kid and now you need to justify your thoughts and needs? You're an adult now. You make the rules and boundaries surrounding your own life (within the confines of the law) with no other justification than I am. You don't drink coffee... millions of people don't. I don't eat peanuts, I'm not allergic to them, I just don't like peanuts. When there's peanuts, I don't eat them. No justification required. Not that I'm trying to project what I think you should do, but I will tell you, when you stop feeling like you need to justify everything (I went through this too), suddenly life feels a little easier... and life's pain in the ass enough without getting in your own way.
jdmichal 10y ago
That's my typical piece of advice for "younger" folks looking to find themselves. You don't find yourself by trying to conform with what everyone else is saying and doing. You find yourself by taking those things that are "weird" about you and owning them.
- balabaster 10y ago
  Absolutely. Reflect on yourself. Be conscious of yourself. Behave consciously. Own yourself. What you eventually realize is that there's nothing weird about you and conforming with everyone else doesn't make you normal. What you end up doing is conforming with your perception of everyone else (which is largely a mask - the Facebook effect) and keep your weirdness hidden. Weird is normal. What appears to be normal (sadly) is that everyone hides their weirdness because they're so busy being afraid what other people will think of them (when in reality nobody gives anyone else much of a second thought), that they end up feeling isolated and alone. The weirdness is part of the richness of life, you can't be wholly yourself by holding that back from the world around you.

godshatter 10y ago

Yeah, you're right. I just hate explaining myself to people all the time, I guess. It shouldn't bother me, but it does.

sotojuan 10y ago
You don't have to explain yourself to anyone, just say "I don't like coffee, I'll get a tea/water/juice/etc". Easy—a lot of people don't. Whatever ideas about people thinking you're weird or disliking you because of that are false. I don't get sugary coffees either. I just order a black coffee. If anyone asks (rarely happens) I just tell them I don't like sugary or sweet/caramel drinks (I don't).
balabaster 10y ago
The feeling you need to explain yourself comes from where? I don't need an answer to that. But look within yourself, figure out why you feel you need to explain yourself. Did you feel unheard as a kid and now you need to justify your thoughts and needs? You're an adult now. You make the rules and boundaries surrounding your own life (within the confines of the law) with no other justification than I am. You don't drink coffee... millions of people don't. I don't eat peanuts, I'm not allergic to them, I just don't like peanuts. When there's peanuts, I don't eat them. No justification required. Not that I'm trying to project what I think you should do, but I will tell you, when you stop feeling like you need to justify everything (I went through this too), suddenly life feels a little easier... and life's pain in the ass enough without getting in your own way.

jdmichal 10y ago

That's my typical piece of advice for "younger" folks looking to find themselves. You don't find yourself by trying to conform with what everyone else is saying and doing. You find yourself by taking those things that are "weird" about you and owning them.

balabaster 10y ago
Absolutely. Reflect on yourself. Be conscious of yourself. Behave consciously. Own yourself. What you eventually realize is that there's nothing weird about you and conforming with everyone else doesn't make you normal. What you end up doing is conforming with your perception of everyone else (which is largely a mask - the Facebook effect) and keep your weirdness hidden. Weird is normal. What appears to be normal (sadly) is that everyone hides their weirdness because they're so busy being afraid what other people will think of them (when in reality nobody gives anyone else much of a second thought), that they end up feeling isolated and alone. The weirdness is part of the richness of life, you can't be wholly yourself by holding that back from the world around you.