5 ms·

In real life, cute girls turn off 10 guys a day without thinking about how they feel. Why would/should they act differently on a dating site. (I'm not saying th

by d0m 17y ago

In real life, cute girls turn off 10 guys a day without thinking about how they feel. Why would/should they act differently on a dating site. (I'm not saying that I appreciate this act thought, that's just how reality is.)

impeachgod 17y ago
A good way to feel better is to think: Wait a sec, what kind of people are these girls? Most likely they are spoiled princesses with a massive sense of entitlement. They, perhaps are not worth much as people. Why is being rejected by them supposed to feel bad?
- potatolicious 17y ago
  The problem this approach is that you're not committing the same fallacy they have: you have dehumanized them by assuming bad things about them in order to make yourself feel better. Case in point: "they're not worth much as people". How are they "likely" to be spoiled princesses with entitlement complexes? How do you know enough to make even a wild-ass guess as to their worth as people? I understand your point about it hurting less, but I think it's an unhealthy track to walk down. Dehumanizing people is never healthy, regardless of the end goal. Not to mention by doing so you've sunk to their level. Not to mention you'd be missing the entire point of this post: " A real person, a lot like you "
  - jongraehl 17y ago
    Seems healthy to me, and accurate: "most likely".
  - impeachgod 17y ago
    In most cases I've known it to be "quite likely" and I found that I do know enough. You can't see the same kind of person over and over and not form patterns. I personally think that you're wrong to think that everyone has the same value. Gandhi and Jeffrey Dahmer don't have the same worth. Dehumanizing or humanizing people is the same thing, only on a smaller scale.
    - potatolicious 17y ago
      Not everyone has the same worth, but that wasn't my point: my point is that by judging someone without any substantial information, you're committing the same fallacy that this woman probably did. People have patterns - sure - but you don't really know this woman. You're writing her off as a spoiled, entitled princess after reading only a single, brief description of a single action. It is the same as her writing off all of those men as losers without any examination. It makes you feel better - I don't care if I'm judged by some spoiled, entitled brat, right? But how qualified are you to make this call? I'm inclined to think that any such judgments are really made for one's ego rather than based on rational observation. Now, if you've had a chance to actually talk with this woman for any substantial amount of time, and you come to the same conclusion, then fair enough.
potatolicious 17y ago
It's not the turn-down, it's the "Ugh, losers". Like, I don't get the opportunity to turn girls down often, but where it has occurred I've certainly never thought less of them for having the guts to approach me.
- d0m 17y ago
  Of course.. it's hard enough to have the guts to ask, that's a shame when the other laugh of you or something else insulting. However, my point was that in real life, lots of cute girl would think "huh loser" in her head and would just ignore you. As I said, I don't think it's right, but still, I don't see why if they act like that in real life, they would act kindly on internet.
  - potatolicious 17y ago
    There are assholes both online and offline, but I think the blog author's point is that the anonymity and inhuman-ness of the internet converts some people who aren't ass offline into online assholes.
    - ryanpetrich 17y ago
      They're still assholes offline, they're just prevented from being overtly so by social custom (at least that's how I see it)
- froo 17y ago
  (I'm not trying to be a smartass in the following comment, I honestly believe this to be the case) I think the thing is that women start turning down propositions from horny guys early on in their lives, so that by the time they get into the age where dating sites make sense, they've become proficient at it... almost like second nature. If us guys are looking for someone to blame, we first have to look at ourselves.
klipt 17y ago
Yes, but those 10 guys don't waste time writing long introductory letters in an effort to initiate conversation. Faster rejection based on a simple 'attractivess' filter means less wasted investment on their part.

by d0m 17y ago

impeachgod 17y ago

A good way to feel better is to think: Wait a sec, what kind of people are these girls? Most likely they are spoiled princesses with a massive sense of entitlement. They, perhaps are not worth much as people. Why is being rejected by them supposed to feel bad?

potatolicious 17y ago
The problem this approach is that you're not committing the same fallacy they have: you have dehumanized them by assuming bad things about them in order to make yourself feel better. Case in point: "they're not worth much as people". How are they "likely" to be spoiled princesses with entitlement complexes? How do you know enough to make even a wild-ass guess as to their worth as people? I understand your point about it hurting less, but I think it's an unhealthy track to walk down. Dehumanizing people is never healthy, regardless of the end goal. Not to mention by doing so you've sunk to their level. Not to mention you'd be missing the entire point of this post: " A real person, a lot like you "
- jongraehl 17y ago
  Seems healthy to me, and accurate: "most likely".
- impeachgod 17y ago
  In most cases I've known it to be "quite likely" and I found that I do know enough. You can't see the same kind of person over and over and not form patterns. I personally think that you're wrong to think that everyone has the same value. Gandhi and Jeffrey Dahmer don't have the same worth. Dehumanizing or humanizing people is the same thing, only on a smaller scale.
  - potatolicious 17y ago
    Not everyone has the same worth, but that wasn't my point: my point is that by judging someone without any substantial information, you're committing the same fallacy that this woman probably did. People have patterns - sure - but you don't really know this woman. You're writing her off as a spoiled, entitled princess after reading only a single, brief description of a single action. It is the same as her writing off all of those men as losers without any examination. It makes you feel better - I don't care if I'm judged by some spoiled, entitled brat, right? But how qualified are you to make this call? I'm inclined to think that any such judgments are really made for one's ego rather than based on rational observation. Now, if you've had a chance to actually talk with this woman for any substantial amount of time, and you come to the same conclusion, then fair enough.

potatolicious 17y ago

It's not the turn-down, it's the "Ugh, losers". Like, I don't get the opportunity to turn girls down often, but where it has occurred I've certainly never thought less of them for having the guts to approach me.

d0m 17y ago
Of course.. it's hard enough to have the guts to ask, that's a shame when the other laugh of you or something else insulting. However, my point was that in real life, lots of cute girl would think "huh loser" in her head and would just ignore you. As I said, I don't think it's right, but still, I don't see why if they act like that in real life, they would act kindly on internet.
- potatolicious 17y ago
  There are assholes both online and offline, but I think the blog author's point is that the anonymity and inhuman-ness of the internet converts some people who aren't ass offline into online assholes.
  - ryanpetrich 17y ago
    They're still assholes offline, they're just prevented from being overtly so by social custom (at least that's how I see it)
froo 17y ago
(I'm not trying to be a smartass in the following comment, I honestly believe this to be the case) I think the thing is that women start turning down propositions from horny guys early on in their lives, so that by the time they get into the age where dating sites make sense, they've become proficient at it... almost like second nature. If us guys are looking for someone to blame, we first have to look at ourselves.

klipt 17y ago

Yes, but those 10 guys don't waste time writing long introductory letters in an effort to initiate conversation. Faster rejection based on a simple 'attractivess' filter means less wasted investment on their part.